Man, so the Playboy interview with Gary Oldman is some rough reading (I looooooove when rich straight white dudes complain about “political correctness”) and while he does have some thoughtful things to say, those things are overshadowed by him being shitty. Say it ain’t so, Gary Oldman. EW has something of a recap if you’re not up to reading the whole thing.

Also being shitty is Tobey Maguire, and you can read a little bit about it in this preview of a new book about Hollywood high-stakes poker games. Be prepared to want to watch him burn.

Tobey, in for $250K and down to his last $50K, pulled out a close win over a World Series of Poker champion named Jamie. […] Tobey went on to humiliate Bloom in front of the remaining players, loudly offering her a thousand-dollar chip if she did “something to earn these thousand dollars. . . . Bark like a seal who wants a fish.” Bloom writes that she tried to laugh it off, but Tobey continued: “‘I’m not kidding. What’s wrong? You’re too rich now? You won’t bark for a thousand dollars? Wowwww. . . you must be really rich. . . . C’mon,’ he said, holding the chip above my head. ‘BARK.’

In World Cup news, Uruguay’s supply of dulce de leche was confiscated because it is made from milk and didn’t have the necessary papers. According to the article, it is unclear if one person carried the entire stash, or if there was a designated dulce de leche mule. I hope the latter. Also I had to google dulce de leche because suddenly it seemed like an illicit drug of some kind. But it is a delicious spread! Maybe they are super hungry and that is why their players are biting other players?

Anyway, the Netherlands’ captain was suspended and the Dutch squad did not field anyone who had a “van” in their name for the first time since the 90s. And for anyone wondering why the Dutch wear orange when the colors on their flag are red, white & blue, it’s because William of Orange organized a revolt against Spanish rule sometime in the 1570s and founded the Dutch state. So: Orange.

But anyway homophobic chants aren’t insulting when they are… I don’t even know how to finish sentence, but it’s cool with FIFA so whatevs. That gives me total confidence in how they’re going to handle the investigation of a bunch of racist incidents, mostly white people in blackface, although that article also has a photo of a dude who appears to have some Nazi shit written on his chest but actually that lightning-bolt-looking-thing is a 4, and that’s the 44 in his email address. I guess he’s trying to raise money to get home? Good planning, guy.

Vancouver is the most expensive housing market in North America (don’t I know it) because of global investors and the Chinese economy; the elderly in China are killing themselves so they can be buried in a cemetery rather than cremated; and there is a dude in China who uses spare parts and free time to make Transformers replicas.

Americans are buying fewer guns but it’s because they don’t think there will ever be reform (we stockpile things when we think there will be a crackdown), and it’s impossible these days to be a pro-gun liberal (even one who supports widespread reform and strict regulation), or a good guy with a gun. But I don’t know, articles like the one about a woman who used to love guns but came to hate them and this one about the death of a German foreign exchange student (to link just two of the infinite number I could have cited—I picked the latter because for me, it highlights the enormous cultural difference here; nothing in that kid’s life had prepared him for the fact that in this country, you can walk into someone’s open garage and get killed for it) make the position seem pretty indefensible.