Stop running, maybe peace is trying to find you

“Do something for me please, reach within you and try to grasp anything that makes you feel any good. Let’s try that for the next few weeks.” Adeola said in cool comforting and hushed undertones as though the gentler she spoke, the deeper her voice would penetrate her patient. She was sweating slightly in her air conditioned office, but her plastic smile was unwavering. Her head was banging, beating drums as though she was alive within the talking drums she usually saw being used at the market square when she was a kid, but her eyes were cool and her hands were gentle. If you didn’t pay attention, you wouldn’t know they were quivering slightly.

“Come on now, let it all out. This pain is only for a while, let me hold you while you cry it out. Come on.” She said gently to her patient. One would think the divorced woman was just a few year old girl who had had her dear toy broken by her best friend and Doctor Adeola was at her best to keep her from dissolving into a fit of tantrums that were almost uncontrollable. Her arms were extended as she crossed over to the other side of the centre table in her office to hug Mrs. Williams, or now Ms Ladipo, once again. And true to her assumption, the elderly woman had bouts of torrents to release.

Adeola was a psychologist not many knew about, but would definitely be known as the best if her profession was more recognised in the country. She comforted broken people, talked them through their path to recovery and helped them find a reason to live again. You could be near death, and Adeola would find a way to use her calm voice and gentle hands to wash away the currents passing through you. Yes, she was that good.

Her family was a little nuclear family of her parents and her sister. Her dead sister. She didn’t have another family of her own. A number of times, she had fought to believe the things she said to her patients but she just couldn’t. She tried to gather self worth and deem herself worthy of being loved but she couldn’t, maybe it was what repeated hurt could do to a heart that always believed in endings that involved throwing bouquets or moving away to a smaller town to start a new family. Or, maybe she was just trying too hard to run from her past and escape the pain.

The beautiful dark-haired Doctor Adeola winced when people told her she was gorgeous, she recoiled when people saw beyond the blinds in her eyes and were thoughtful enough to lay a comforting hand on her arms. Those things no longer held meanings to her, and as such she avoided such occurences. She pushed people away, not just because of the hurt or the disappointment she had been through, even though those too had never really gone away, but because of the several times she had taken a risk to trust, and it had been a risk to regret.

But this, this is to Adeola. To you. You open your arms and turn the nook of your shoulder into pillows for broken hearts while yours are like the fragments of a broken china, nothing can be gotten from it nor can it be used for anything. You tell them comforting words and urge them to find solace in company but there’s pain and chaos in your loneliness. It’s you who urges them to take a deep breath, and take a break but you lay awake at night with the pain of the throbbing headache from deep within.

Close your eyes, listen to the wind. You will hear peace trying to find you.

Understand that you need yourself just as much as the people who need you, if not more. The pain would only ever go away if you leave it, accept it and realise that you’re worth more. You deserve more. Close your eyes, Adeola, take a deep breath, let your wounds heal up nicely. You’ve been running for too long, don’t let peace and happiness pass you by. Listen to the wind, allow yourself to be found. You deserve it.