Love is overrated, and happiness is not everything

I got your text, my dear friend and I’m mighty surprised how our mode of thinking has travelled opposite directions over such short period but wide distance. I don’t understand how you want to be in a relationship so soon despite all you’ve seen and been through. Didn’t we both agree love was overrated? Have you forgotten what men are like at times, and what they can do? Like Micheal, the man slut, that couldn’t keep his words? Or what Ayomide went through for three years in the name of love? Even Mummy still laments at how much weight she lost. And we both know she’s no longer as beautiful. And there’s Fatu that lived just behind your house who her husband won’t let her finish her education. Sometimes, I wonder if you, my friend are human at all and if you reason well, because I’ve come this far and all I can say is that relationships are not everything. In fact, happiness is not everything. You remember my tweet that went viral the other time, where I was asking my followers what their goal in life was? You remember how we predicted that most of it would be about happiness, and it was so? Well, I disagree with the lot of them now.

Now, you’re 24 and you’ve moved out of your father’s house. You no longer have to depend on cereal after paying your bills and putting away some money for the future, you have fun regularly and you’re constantly happy. But are you contented, Hadeezah? You always said you wanted to work at a place like MarksAndSpencer, but you’re an underpaid and overworked employee at SikiratuSindodo ltd. You always had dreams about being a fashion designer, but you don’t own a scrapbook nor a sewing machine. But you’re happy, and somehow you’ve managed to convince yourself that all you need is a rare Yoruba angel to make you feel complete. And this makes me sad, because you have dreams untended to. And while I’m not saying you should be ungrateful for where you are now, I just need you to remember where you’re coming from. You have expectations you haven’t met.

When you get married to Ade-whatever, what would you tell yourself when you pause for a second in front of the mirror before going to prepare a warm bath for him in the mornings? What would you tell your soul when it tugs at you and reminds you of the future you promised? That you let go of your dreams because people spoke highly of love, and you chose to believe in it? Even if, surprisingly, Ola-something doesn’t break your heart and you fall in love and you’re happy, what would you do with those moments in between your laughs that you pause to catch your breath and you see right under your eyelashes the promises you made to yourself years ago? Where would you run to as they forever haunt you and follow you around? What would you choose to find comfort in when there’s nothing to amuse you? Don’t get me wrong, I want you to be happy where you are now and you should be glad about the hills you’ve put behind you. But this is not where you’re going, and I would hate for you to be one of those who settle for less just in the name of finding peace where they are. Weeds never stunt their growth in a quest to remain hidden beneath the flowers. My dear, love is not everything and happiness is overrated. Or, is it the other way round?