Disproving the Bible with sex

Every page in the Bible reflects the true nature of the book. The fact that God is called “He,” the lists of genealogies, the obsolete civil laws, the constant emphasis on obedience, the incorrect statements about science and the colloquial slang are just a few giveaways that men wrote the Bible and no real God had any involvement in the whole disgraceful process.

You could literally open the Bible to any page at random and find a passage that is embarrassingly culturally relative. If you dig deeper and put every passage in context you won’t vindicate the divine authenticity of the Bible. You’ll just build a more comprehensive case for the vulgar reality that the Bible was written by primitive tribesmen for primitive tribesmen. Pick any topic you’d like and thoroughly research what the Bible has to say about it, and I guarantee you’ll only find the ramblings of ignorant and often demented tribesmen.

I guarantee you that the more you study the topic of sex in the Bible the more you’ll be forced to admit that the only sane and logical explanation for the Bible’s stance on sex is that God didn’t write the Bible: ignorant and often demented tribesmen projected their own cultural biases about sex into the creation of their mythological God.

Think about it. Let’s start with the Garden of Eden. Why do people wear clothes? According to the Bible it’s because a talking snake tricked a woman into eating a magic apple that made her smart and that was a bad thing. Not only did this cause the woman to feel like she needed to wear clothes but it caused every woman for the rest of history to have painful childbirths. So the very first book of the Bible establishes the fact that it was written by idiots, and it only gets worse:

  • If you have a wet dream you have to leave your camp for a fortnight until you’re “clean.”
  • When a women is having her menstrual cycle she’s “unclean,” and if a man touches anything she’s touched during her menstrual cycle he’ll become unclean as well and have to purify himself before God.
  • Yahweh killed Onan for “spilling his seed”
  • Lot’s daughter’s got him drunk and raped him, and this was okay.
  • Lot let an angry mob gang rape his daughters, and this pleased Yahweh.
  • Several Biblical characters married their cousins.
  • Fathers sold their daughters, and Yahweh wrote specific instructions for how to do this.
  • Yahweh wrote specific instructions for how a rapists is supposed to buy the women he rapes.
  • Yahweh lists women as property not to be coveted.
  • Yahweh told Paul that women should obey their husbands, be silent in church and not wear expensive jewelry.
  • Jesus said it’s better to rush into a lifelong marriage than to the have casual sex (probably because Yahweh said to stone adulteresses to death).

You don’t have to be a prophet to recognize that God didn’t write this stuff. It was written by ignorant tribesmen who projected their primitive, obsolete cultural practices into their mythology.

The most insane part of this is that I don’t even have to convince Christians not to believe in the Bible. Christians, correct me if I’m wrong, but you didn’t buy your cousin from your uncle. You don’t own slaves and/or have sex with your slaves. You don’t expect women to be silent. You don’t leave town after having a wet dream. You’ve probably had premarital sex. You don’t follow the Bible because the rules in the Bible are foolish and obsolete. I don’t have to convince you not to believe in the Bible. You already don’t. You just haven’t admitted it to yourself.

So lighten the fuck up and let the rest of us live how we want to live.

If you liked or hated this blog you’ll probably feel the same way about these:

Originally published at thewisesloth.com on May 9, 2010.

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