My theory on sexual morality

A long time ago I used to be a hard core Christian and “witnessed” (aka pushed my beliefs on others) every chance I got, and I didn’t just witness that Jesus died for our sins. I preached the moral values taught in the Bible (except for the ones that modern society has deemed ridiculous and we tell ourselves the Bible wasn’t really serious about).

One of the big moral topics I preached about was sexuality. Funny thing about the Bible…God killed a man (Onan) for pulling out of his penis out his wife’s vagina just before he orgasmed. Yahweh also said in the Old Testament that if you have a wet dream you have to be exiled from the camp for a week or two until you’re “clean” again. Moses’s daughters got him drunk and incestuously raped him, and that was okay. Lot let an angry mob gang-rape his daughters, and God was pleased by this. Most of the biggest heroes in the Old Testament had multiple wives (which they bought from their fiancés’ fathers). Women were considered unclean when they were on their periods and it was immoral to touch any part of their body or anything else they’d touched during that time or you would become “unclean” too…whatever that means. Jesus said that it’s better to get married than to burn with passion, but did he say that because God told him it was virtuous or because Jesus was giving practical advice to people who lived under a theocracy that would stone you to death for having premarital sex? If Americans could be killed for having premarital sex I’d tell my friends it’s better to get married than to burn with passion. If I accidentally got my girlfriend pregnant I’d lie and say she was still a virgin and the baby was conceived by God.

If you critically analyze all the sexual taboos in the Bible it becomes obvious that those rules weren’t invented by the creator of the universe. They were invented by goat herders and then collected like Aesop’s Fables after the fact and put into the local religious book.

Unfortunately, I didn’t recognize that back when I was a Christian. At the time I just blindly preached that masturbation, homosexuality and premarital sex were bad. At first I told people to believe these things because the Bible says they’re true. (Though I can’t off the top of my head think of a passage that ever mentions masturbating specifically). Of course, the atheists I was preaching to didn’t believe those rules were justified simply because the Bible said they were true. They demanded real reasons, and I naively assumed that since the Bible was true there must be logical reasons to back up all of its claims. So I put a lot of time and effort into objectively and logically analyzing its rules about morality.

As a Christian I screwed up by trying to be objective about morality instead of just trying to cook up answers that justified my pre-existing beliefs, because the only logical explanation for the Biblical moral code is that it was created by primitive, ignorant, superstitious, chauvinistic, self-loathing goat herders whose moral philosophy could best be summed up, “Anything that makes you feel good is bad. Anything that makes you feel bad is good.”

Over time I gradually developed a new philosophy on sexual morality based on observable facts, objectivity and logic. On a side note, if you’ve ever wondered how non-believers can live a moral life, that’s how. And it’s a much more efficient and accurate system than believing the drivel of primitive, ignorant, superstitious, chauvinistic, self-loathing goat herders whose moral philosophy can best be summed up, “Anything that makes you feel good is bad. Anything that makes you feel bad is good.”

When you don’t base your morals on logic you end up with all sorts of bizarre, unfounded, illogical and contradictory moral standards for sexual behavior. The consequence of such a poorly designed code of ethics is a world awash with human suffering. People are stoned to death and have their heads cut off for adultery and promiscuity. People are jailed and put on sex offender lists for life and denied the possibility of enjoying a life of liberty and happiness. Priests rape children because they can’t have sex with anyone else.

There are personal consequences that are far more common yet subtle enough to ignore if you don’t want to see them. Children grow up sexually frustrated, and their inability to explore their sexuality results in a loss of self-respect. So they grow up loathing and punishing themselves for the natural feelings their bodies create. If they do give into those natural feelings they have to find creative and dangerous ways to excuse themselves for having sex. The list goes on and on.

I’m not saying that my philosophy on sexuality is necessarily right, but it is objective, logical and based on observable facts.

The premise of this philosophy is drawn from my overall philosophy on ethics: Every living (or at the very least, sentient) being is equally valuable and is entitled to the same inalienable rights. Everyone is entitled to the freedom to live, grow, and exercise their free will as long as it doesn’t interfere with another person’s rights. Any action that doesn’t hurt another person or interfere with their growth/will is permissible. Any rule that has no real logical justification but tells you an action is immoral even if it doesn’t hurt anyone or impede anyone’s growth will only serve to hurt people and impede their growth.

Humans are born with a powerful sex drive. We’re all addicted to sex. Even if (or rather, especially if) we’re not having sex we still crave it as strongly, and sometimes more so, than food or water.

This addiction is mostly indiscriminate. We all have our fetishes and preferences, but for the most part our body just tells us, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” It’s actually not even that discriminating. It’d probably be more accurate to say it tells us, “Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate.”

Mother Nature (by any other name) designed us to fuck and ejaculate our brains out, and if we choose not to then our bodies were designed with an override switch that frustrates us and makes us more and more horny until it breaks our will and more or less forces us to fuck or at least ejaculate. It’s logical that this was done to ensure the survival of the species, but it has some adverse side-effects…like rape and masturbating in awkward places.

We need to ejaculate. We need to ejaculate like we need to eat, and if God is real then God wrote that commandment into our DNA. And we should obey God, but God aside, we should do it for our own mental health and for the safety of others so that our override switch doesn’t get flipped and cause us to harm another person. In other words, we owe it to our fellow man to ejaculate on a regular basis. However you bring yourself to orgasm (as long as it doesn’t hurt another person or impede their growth/will) is morally permissible.

A lot of people claim that they were born heterosexual or homosexual. As a general rule I believe society takes the labels “heterosexual” and “homosexual” too seriously. I believe there are a lot of people out there who the thought once occurred to them that they might like fucking someone of the same sex, which is perfectly natural for anyone to feel. However, society told them that since they had this thought they must be “gay.” So some of these people ended up limiting themselves and defining their identity around a non-issue because society didn’t give them any other choice.

Let me be clear about what I’m trying to say: it would be an understatement to say that we were all born bisexual. We were all born omnisexual.

If you want to live a safe, mentally healthy life you need to accept yourself for what you are, a sexual being. Masturbate with confidence. Use sex toys with confidence. Have premarital sex with confidence. Have gay sex with confidence. Just practice your sexuality responsibly, which is to say, in a way that respects your obligation to live, grow, exercise your free will and not harm anyone else or impede their right to grow/will.

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Originally published at on October 30, 2009.