The cost/benefit analysis of being fake to impress people
Part of growing up is struggling with confidence and the temptation to act fake to impress people. The benefits of being fake are obvious and endless. It can get you laid, make and keep friends, get you a job, a promotion, a higher social status, awards and fame. But at the same time, being fake has hidden costs.
The highest cost is that it defeats the purpose of life. You’re here to be you. If you’re not going to be you then there’s little point for you to be here; you’re just killing time until you die. In order to truly live and love you need to be yourself. When you behave genuinely you express and grow your identity, and that’s important. That’s life. Even if you get friends and riches from being fake, it’s a hollow victory. It’s winning a battle but losing the war.
Even if people do smile to your face and swear that they like you, there’s a very good chance that they’ll be lying to you as much as you’re lying to them. People don’t like fake people, and people are experts at spotting fakeness. Even if they want you to be fake to them, and even if they demand that you be fake to them, they’ll always know you as a fake. Even if they genuinely like you in certain ways, they’ll always know you’re a fake, and they won’t be able to respect you as much as they would otherwise.
Even if you make enemies by being yourself, you’ll still have a certain amount of your enemy’s respect because you had the integrity to stand up for yourself and stand for something in the life. Even if they don’t respect you, you can respect yourself, and that’s all that really matters. Everyone takes their self-respect to the grave individually. When we’re dead it doesn’t matter what anyone else thought about us. We go to eternity as individuals, and all we take with us is with us is who we are.
Having said that, there are deeply rewarding social benefits to be gained from being honest and genuine, even if that means closing a few doors and burning a few bridges in the process. If you’re honest with other people then they’re more likely to be honest with you. Everybody’s exhausted by the pretending game, and it’s a relief to talk to a genuine person you don’t have to wear your heavy glass mask around.
When two people’s relationship is defined by mutual dishonesty, then all they’re really doing is using each other to see what they can get from each other. The people you’re dishonest with are effectively tools to you, but when you’re honest with people and they’re honest with you then can truly experience each other’s company. What more could you ask from life than getting to experience the inner warmth and beauty of the people around you? Those are the experiences you cherish most, but you won’t get those by being fake.
Still, nobody wants to look back on their life and see conflict. If you’re genuine with people, eventually someone is going to disagree with you and pull your card. They’re going to test you, and if you don’t tell them what they want to hear they’re going to want to punish you. Sometimes it’s smart to tell a maniac what they want to hear even if you don’t mean it, but in everyday life standing up for yourself will usually just mean that somebody barks at you and then won’t hang around you anymore. It’s a shame that you two human beings couldn’t get along and enjoy experiencing each other’s unique perspective, but that was inevitable.
Regardless of whether or not you’re fake or genuine, there was always going to be a certain percentage of the people you meet in life who were never going to like you, and frankly, they’re doing you a favour by not liking you. There’s over six billion people in the world, and most of them have incompatible interests. There’s a very small percentage of the people in the world who have all the right interests, attributes, beliefs, personalities, values, attitudes and skills that click euphorically with yours. Sure, you’ll get along with people from all walks of life, but most of them will bore you. You’ll only meet a few people cut from the same cloth as you who you instantly hit it off with and become soul mates with. You have a very short life to find these potential soul mates and build a lifetime of experiences together before you take your history to the grave forever. You don’t have any time to waste. If somebody gets pissed off at you for being yourself, then you can wish them the best of luck as they fuck off and not waste any more of your precious time.
Before you can meet people whose souls are compatible with yours, you have to become yourself. The only way to become yourself is by being yourself. It’s takes a lot of mistakes and a lot of practice. Every second you spend not being yourself is time eternally and irrevocably lost that could have been spent becoming more you. Every second you waste is another second that you risk not meeting and clicking with a potential soul mate. This is unfortunate for you and your potential friends and family.
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Originally published at thewisesloth.com on December 23, 2012.
