Caesar’s wife
Pompeiia, Caesar’s second wife, was involved in a scandal that brought Rome to a standstill. She was leading a sacred ceremony when Clodius–a young politician–had entered into her sanctum, disguised as a woman. As no man was supposed to enter the sanctum, a predicament arises when his disguise was uncovered while he was (reportedly) in a precarious position with Pompeiia.
The consensus in Roman society was that Clodius and Pompeiia must have been lovers.
Clodius was put on trial. While he was ultimately acquitted thanks to bribery, one of the notable events during the trial was Caesar’s response to the allegations of Pompeiia’s infidelity. Caesar opted not to provide any evidence against Clodius. He refused to testify against the man who was caught in flagrante with his wife.
Some interpreted the above as a show of trust towards Pompeiia. Some believe that Caesar simply does not want to admit that he is, in fact, a cuck. Some others submit that Caesar wanted to keep good relations with Clodius, as he was a rising politician.
In spite of his silence, Caesar divorced Pompeiia immediately after the trial. When asked why, Caesar replied: “I thought that my wife ought to be above suspicion.”
Thus the saying: “Caesar’s wife must be above suspicion.”
A source asserts that it means that those in public offices should avoid any suspicions of indiscretion. Another elucidates ‘Caesar’s wife’ as referring to those who are closely related to prominent figures. A few sources mention how it refers to the severability of a woman’s actions and the actions of the men around her.
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The most important people
I, for one, used to dismiss the proverb altogether. I thought it was ridiculous for Caesar to part ways with his closest confidante due to suspicions.
And God, how I jinxed myself.
2083 years after Clodius’ trial, I found myself concluding that suspicions do matter — even more so when it (is substantiated and) involves your closest confidante. It’s easy to go on with one’s life after hearing that an insignificant individual has betrayed you. When it comes to your closest confidante, however, it’s the exact opposite.
First, it makes you beg to God: “No, please, not you.” And then it feels like your soul is forcefully pulled out of your body and stabbed countless times. It makes you question everything.
Just like how Clodius’ trial stopped all public business in Rome for months on end, reports that your closest confidante had betrayed compels you to stop and wonder: Did you? — A part of you will want to choose to trust your closest confidante, but a part of you will argue that it’ll be illogical to do so. With overwhelming pain, you wonder over and over again.
It’s obviously easier to move forward and just conclude that your closest confidante did betray you. But you can’t. You value them too much.
The most important people, like Caesar’s wife, should be above suspicion — precisely because they matter more.
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Defenses of Caesar’s route
Facing reports revolving around his own wife, Caesar took a drastic measure. Recently, I found that it is a decision he made with many considerations. His marriage with Pompeiia was one with political motives. Up until the scandal, it had benefited him as she came from the family of his political rivals. Through their marriage, he was able to build connections. However, the trial had embarrassed Caesar and left an unkind mark on his own reputation. It had paused his government from operating. Caesar simply couldn’t risk any chance of future scandal(s) involving his own wife. The consequences of the scandal had overshadowed any benefits Pompeiia had previously provided.
Comparing myself to Caesar may sound vain, but just like him, I have made up my mind to choose the drastic option.
The greatest value a closest confidante could provide for you is the sense of security. The feeling of being able to trust them and open yourself up to them. The feeling of knowing that both of you can trust one another and will provide transparency when it counts. This conclusion breaks my heart, but the recent predicaments around my closest confidante had destroyed that sense of trust. The most integral part of the relations had been demolished; leaving me with no other choices but to pull a Caesar.
God, the things I would do to not have to choose this route.
I really wished you hadn’t lied and kept secrets from me, thus putting yourself in a precarious position where a reasonable individual would think that you had been betraying me.
From the bottom of my heart, I really wished that you had been above suspicion.