Integrity and Motherhood
I have been thinking a lot lately about integrity. Primarily in the context of self-trust, and how motherhood often creates situations that are ripe for breaking commitments to myself.
From the first moment of conception, I gave my body to another person. After pregnancy came childbirth, then child-rearing. The very nature of my path in motherhood calls on me to give away bits of myself — physically, emotionally, spiritually — so that this new human might grow and make her mark on this Earth. It’s a worthy sacrifice, but it is sacrifice nonetheless. And the…
Reactivity. Reactivity for me is reflexive. Involuntary. Cellular-level habituations that seem to simply make me — well, me. I am a reactive person.
What does this look like in practice?
Well, in some contexts it makes me appear very capable. In the capacities I work in the event production realm, knee-jerk reactivity lends to me being decisive in environments that require quick decisions for safety first and entertainment next.
And in some [read: most] contexts, reactivity lends to me being passive aggressive and condescending. Let’s set a scene. I’m in the kitchen making dinner over a hot stovetop…
I have been exploring what The Actualized means to me, and I’m hoping our readers find it relatable. For me, it means I have somehow fallen into a path of realizing my reality is one I can shape.
I spent most of my teenage years accepting what was in front of me. Into my twenties, I had little sparks of inspiration that led to me doing what I wanted at that time, but those sparks would frequently fade because of a range of responsibilities and negative influences that promised “a better way.” Unfortunately I was too naïve to…
About two weeks ago, a loving, trusted friend very matter of factly informed me that I’m codependent.
I have always prided myself upon my fierce independence. Show me a problem and I’ll show you the solution (without help from anyone thank you very much.)
Codependent people are needy and clingy, right? That isn’t me. Codependent people can’t eat dinner in a restaurant alone or be comfortably single, right? That isn’t me either.
My friend also informed me that I had to immediately obtain a copy of the book Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others…
It’s January 1st. A new year, a fresh start. The time when most people we know begin their annual commitment to health and happiness.
Historically, I don’t make resolutions. Perhaps because I know that my commitment will wane in a month’s time. Usually sooner. I’m a procrastinator AND a perfectionist — and both qualities make it exceptionally difficult to get started on something new. If I resolve to get going, then I want to do everything right. And doing everything right means research and planning and follow-through and and and.. …