Integrity and Motherhood

By Melissa

I have been thinking a lot lately about integrity. Primarily in the context of self-trust, and how motherhood often creates situations that are ripe for breaking commitments to myself.

From the first moment of conception, I gave my body to another person. After pregnancy came childbirth, then child-rearing. The very nature of my path in motherhood calls on me to give away bits of myself — physically, emotionally, spiritually — so that this new human might grow and make her mark on this Earth. It’s a worthy sacrifice, but it is sacrifice nonetheless. And the…


Reactivity. Reactivity for me is reflexive. Involuntary. Cellular-level habituations that seem to simply make me — well, me. I am a reactive person.

What does this look like in practice?

Well, in some contexts it makes me appear very capable. In the capacities I work in the event production realm, knee-jerk reactivity lends to me being decisive in environments that require quick decisions for safety first and entertainment next.

And in some [read: most] contexts, reactivity lends to me being passive aggressive and condescending. Let’s set a scene. I’m in the kitchen making dinner over a hot stovetop…


By Christophe

I have been exploring what The Actualized means to me, and I’m hoping our readers find it relatable. For me, it means I have somehow fallen into a path of realizing my reality is one I can shape.

I spent most of my teenage years accepting what was in front of me. Into my twenties, I had little sparks of inspiration that led to me doing what I wanted at that time, but those sparks would frequently fade because of a range of responsibilities and negative influences that promised “a better way.” Unfortunately I was too naïve to…


By Melissa

About two weeks ago, a loving, trusted friend very matter of factly informed me that I’m codependent.

I have always prided myself upon my fierce independence. Show me a problem and I’ll show you the solution (.)

Codependent people are needy and clingy, right? That isn’t me. Codependent people can’t eat dinner in a restaurant alone or be comfortably single, right? That isn’t me either.

My friend also informed me that I had to immediately obtain a copy of the book


By Melissa

It’s January 1st. A new year, a fresh start. The time when most people we know begin their annual commitment to health and happiness.

Historically, I don’t make resolutions. Perhaps because I know that my commitment will wane in a month’s time. Usually sooner. I’m a procrastinator AND a perfectionist — and both qualities make it exceptionally difficult to get started on something new. If I resolve to get going, then I want to do everything right. And doing everything right means research and planning and follow-through and and and.. …

The Actualized

Curating contentment.

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