What Popular Culture Gets Wrong About “Aging Well”

Thea Rhinehardt
Aug 26, 2017 · 3 min read

Aging well. On the cusp of my 46th birthday, I’ve noticed “aging well” bandied about in magazines, newspapers, and in conversations. And more often than not, “aging well” is directed at women.

In some circles it means staying the same weight you were in high school, sporting unlined skin, what-to-wear tips to avoid looking “frumpy” or “matronly,” and makeup tricks to conceal or minimize so-called flaws. Basically aging well is a call to action to avoid any appearance of outward aging at all.

Exhortations on what to eat, how to exercise — paleo, vegan, no sugar, Crossfit, yoga, interval training, running a marathon. What do you mean kale is no longer the secret to longevity? Is it vitamin D? Sunblock? Coconut oil?

Of course, I want to stay as healthy as I can for as long as I can. I want to remain physically strong. I LIKE the way I feel when I have the wherewithal to eat wholesome food and exercise.

But this perspective gives us a false sense of power, an idea that somehow aging well is really about our own agency, our own power to control our bodies. It really relegates those who are suffering from chronic conditions, life-threatening diseases, mental illnesses, stress, and poverty to the sidelines. As if somehow they are to blame for not “aging well.”

It validates those privileged to be in good health, who have access to healthy food and safe spaces to exercise, those who have time and aren’t working 2–3 jobs to survive, those who aren’t exhausted from raising children or grandchildren or caregiving for elderly parents, those who can and choose to invest in dermatology or plastic surgery. It limits the idea of aging well to outward appearance or cholesterol numbers whether by genetics, good fortune, or outside intervention.

I’ve been looking at the women I admire and I’m finding that aging well is a profound shift in consciousness and self-perception. For them, it’s about setting boundaries; feeling good about saying, “No,” to things you hate; cultivating an identity beyond societal expectations and relationships as someone else’s daughter, mother, wife.

Aging well is not caring what people think about you. It’s unearthing those childhood dreams and seeing if they still fit. It’s setting your own beauty standard instead of conforming to some arbitrary ideal. It’s changing your eyes and your mind about your saddlebags, squishy tummy, laugh lines, or nose that was always a source of insecurity. It’s recognizing that you already have the perfect body.

Aging well is getting rid of the “too’s” — too big, too tall, too short, too black, too loud, too anything. It’s taking up space both physically and metaphorically — no more playing small, keeping quiet, swallowing things that wound you. It’s speaking up for yourself; it’s speaking up for the whole world.

No more people pleasing. No more sugar, spice, and everything nice when the cost is your worth. Aging well is about being real, about being your most authentic self. It’s an ongoing, radically honest conversation that you have with yourself. Aging well is redefining yourself beyond our culture, our socialization, and the male gaze. It’s constantly checking in with yourself to ask, “Is this OK?”

I don’t pretend to have mastered any of these things. And I still eat kale and do yoga. But everyday I make strides toward the fearlessness and the mental freedom that I didn’t know existed in my 20s. I am inspired to decide for myself what aging well looks like. For me, aging well is really about learning how to be my own muse.

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