Forgive me, but I don’t fully understand your longing for a forever in your present incarnation. Will securing a mate for life put you so much at ease that you will finally be able to accept the person trying to love you? Or, perhaps, even with this so-called guarantee, will you still have an insecure and dependent attachment style? Won’t it feel worse when say, you’re married and you start to feel insecure about your partner losing interest in you or having an affair? Wouldn’t those actions, if they’re true, be a much bigger affront to you because you’ve already agreed to forever but couldn’t pull it off? Wouldn’t it be more compassionate towards yourself if you stopped for moment and realized that a forever consisting of ‘not enough’ is the cruelest thing you can do to your self and to the one you love?
I hope that didn’t come off as harsh, I rewrote this comment several times looking for the gentlest way to ask these questions in the hopes of understanding your situation. I find it is infinitely difficult to get someone’s cooperation with, much less appreciation for questions that trigger defensiveness.