The 4 Things an Avocado can Teach Us about Falling in Love

Ah, the avocado. This bastard fruit child of the Mediterranean sub-climate has been eaten for thousands of years, starting with the Mayans, who frequently consumed it with the blood of virgins and Tostitos Scoops Tortilla Chips®.

And while Wikipedia claims it’s a fruit (and also claims it’s often called “the alligator pear”), most of us just know it as the stuff you use to make guac.

But as it turns out, the avocado has quite the story to tell, and if you listen closely there’s some real relationship gems in the subtext of this green fleshy fruit. So, if you’re ready, let’s find out exactly what an avocado can teach us about falling in love…

1. There are literally TONS of avocados out there

Last year over 1 Million TONS of avocados were produced in Mexico alone. These avocados were big, small, short, tall, pear-shaped, egg-shaped, round, green and brown. Some tasted good, some tasted bad, and some were eaten by scavenging rats which promptly died due to the fact that avocado skin is highly toxic to the vast majority of animals.

We can draw a parallel here to your potential love interests. Basically, whatever you’re looking for, it’s out there. Occasionally you’re gonna get a bad avocado, or go on a bad date, or eat something highly toxic. But the point is, there are literally thousands of pounds worth of human beings out there that you can meet, greet, hate, date or love. So if you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, don’t worry. There’s an avocado out there for you.

You might just have to travel to Mexico.

2. Avocados mature on the tree, but ripen after picked.

Let’s talk about lust.

There’s a reason why when two young adults become sexually infatuated it’s widely referred to as “maturing on the avocado tree.” The intimacy of a close physical relationship releases a flood of natural chemicals in the brain that aids in the pair bonding process. This allows the couple to narrow their focus and grow close initially in order to create a strong, long lasting foundation. But as time goes on, this initial chemical high wears off, and the once raging libido softens into something much sweeter– love. Or a ripe avocado. Aren’t we all just looking for our ripe avocado?

Note: avocados generally ripen within 1–2 weeks after being picked. Love may take slightly longer.

3. Avocado yield is reduced when irrigation water is highly salinated.

It’s like Bob Marley said: “No woman, no cry.”

Basically, if one of you is crying a lot, it’s just not gonna work out. An avocado cannot grow in an environment with excess salt or wind and neither can love. There’s a place and time for sadness and vulnerability, but if there’s enough tears to drown an orchard, it’s time to move on.

You can’t make someone happy unless you are.

4. Avocados are vulnerable to bacterial, viral, fungal and nutritional diseases.

Now this isn’t the most pleasant topic to address, but in the name of public health it’s something that needs to be said. Falling in love is wonderful. It’s new, exciting, really exciting, really really really exciting– and then everything starts itching and someone develops an eating disorder.

The point is this: an avocado is a living organism. It’s vulnerable to the banes of existence, as are we. It’s a part of the growing process and it’s something we need to accept. The only thing we can really do is follow the advice of TV personality/savior Jerry Springer: “Take care of yourself, and each other.”

And yes, that includes regular stops at the clinic.


While humans are not avocados, there are several parallels that can be drawn.

If you liked what you read, please visit for more of this super-duper high quality writing and stuff.

Like what you read? Give The Bad Quiz a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.