I’m Not Going To Read Your 2016 Presidential Election Think Piece.

Yep, you heard me. I’m not gonna do it.

I’m not going to read your 5,000 word column on why Hillary Clinton is not to be trusted.

I’m not going to read your link about why Marco Rubio is more dangerous than he seems.

Don’t tell me to do it cuz I just don’t wanna.

I’m not going to read your link that proves Bernie Sanders would beat any of the Republican candidates in a general election.

Don’t send me a link about how Donald Trump will never get the nomination.

Not today. No way, no how.

I’m not reading your article about why the system is rigged, and we’re all just puppets in this political process.

Or your piece on why Hillary Clinton is the only candidate who can get things done.

Or even your piece on why Ted Cruz is secretly a lizard person.

I know it’s from a good place, I just can’t do it.

Likewise, I’m not going to read your column on why Joe Biden should have run.

Or your piece about who John Kasich would choose to be his running mate if nominated.

And I certainly won’t read your article on why Donald Trump needs to be the Republican nominee in order for the Democrats to win.

I’ve weighed my options, and I think I’m good without reading it.

I don’t need to see your column on why Bernie Sanders is the only candidate that can save America.

Or your column on why Bernie Sanders is the only candidate that can save America.

And before you ask, no, I don’t want to read your column on why Bernie Sanders is the only candidate that can save America.

It can be from Vox, Salon, Slate, even a BuzzFeed News article, I still won’t be reading it, I promise you that.

So before you send me your piece on why Jeb Bush was the saving grace of the Republican party, just remember, I won’t be reading it.

Doesn’t mean I don’t like you, or I don’t care about this election.

Because I do. And I do.

It’s just not happening.

No, thank you.

On second thought, please send me that Ted Cruz lizard person piece.