Rolling in the deep

I take my grips,
Maybe this time there will be a better way?
But once again I feel that familiar foot on my hip,
That pull on my collar, which I cannot resist.

I’m watching it unfold again, just like the last time,
And there’s nothing I can do.

I concede.
The mat turns to sand and swallows me,
I sink beneath the tides,
Rolling in the deep

Washed up on the shore.
Alone. Stranded.
With this weight on my chest that I cannot lift.

I feel it tighten around my neck,
But I will not give it to him easily.
No, Goddamn you!
I will not give up this life just yet.
I will make you work for it.
And maybe one day, I will find my way out.

I resist, I resist, I resist,
Until at last the surf covers me once more.