How Night Owls Cope Everyday
There is a special struggle that night owls face on a day to day basis. The struggle is intensified if you have a regular job or if you go to a school with morning schedules. It is the struggle of waking up early. This is like asking a left handed person to get over it and either become a right handed person or face the consequences of living in the world designed for right handed people. The audacity one must have to be a left handed person! Also, you have to become efficient at it like NOW. Unfair.
How do you cope?
At the same time asking help from an early riser (AKA the larks) is like telling yourself, “I don’t love you anymore”. You will have to brace yourself for everything obnoxious. From the foul little check list of things they accomplished before you could even wake up to the insufferable articles that prove that all the successful people in the world are early risers or worse the “it’s all about being disciplined” talk. F**k you.
There is no hope for me.
6:00 am Alarm Rings
This is the nasty jump scare that almost anyone who sets an alarm has to endure every morning. It has almost never happened that an alarm has managed to wake me up without terrifying the sh*t out of me. You would think after so many years one would get used to an alarm which is the only event which is guaranteed to happen at the exact same time every single day. It is like a foreshadowing of the horrors that you are yet to face in the day in a I-know-you-are-not-ready-for-it-but-I-am-having-a-good-time-in-having-a-hand-in-pushing-you-towards-your-death kind of way. It’s sadistic.
Alarm clocks should be right up there with the fear of spiders, bats, squirrels and everything.
6:02 am Go back to sleep
Protest — The Anger:
I can’t even explain the anger that is followed by the shock and shame I feel after being spooked by a non-living thing. I have to rebel. I am going to be mad at the Sun for turning up so early, I am going to be mad at the alarm for ringing so loudly and I am going to do exactly the opposite of what I am supposed to do, no matter how self destructive. I am going to go back to sleep. The nerve.
6:02–7:00 am Restless sleep
The protest sleep is not going well. It is troubled with constant struggle between the responsibility of actually waking up and the need for more sleep.
****I should wake up.
I can’t .
I should wake up.
No I can’t.
Whats the point this schedule sucks, almost every waking day is a misery.
If you don’t wake up now you will have to skip breakfast again.
Doesn’t matter, I always skip breakfast.****
7:00–8:00 am Deep sleep
If I somehow successfully break the barrier of an hour of indecisiveness, I finally fall asleep. The best hour of sleep in the entire duration.
8:30 am Wake up
Fear/Shock one more time AKA panic:
This is another sudden event that is going to happen in todays menu. The brain will suddenly decide to shock you into waking up because at this point you wouldn’t care less about anything else, like your dog, having a good breakfast, exercise or someone ringing the door bell. Nope! There is nothing that can phase you, sleep is the all important activity that should take precedence over everything. If you really must wake up, what you need is a sudden, unexpected and an overwhelming fear response that is going to force you into the reality.
8:00 am Getting ready
The Panic/ Regret:
I have done it again, overslept and now I have to make a run for it. With 2 minutes to show myself out of the house, its all about priorities. Stick to the daily routine of getting dressed asap — I am a pro at it.
*** Oh no oh no oh no, I have 2 minutes to get ready, eat breakfast and get the fuck out of the house. The breakfast is going to be skipped -The intense loathing I feel towards the people who have the privilege of being indecisive about what to eat for breakfast.
I shouldn’t be doing this. I should wake up early. Alarm clock scares or not. But I did go to bed early. This is not helping. Whats wrong with me…***
I have high hopes that some day I am going to break this cycle, someday I’ll be the person I was born to be but today is not that day.
9:00 am Work
Unfortunately whatever powers that had taken over me to wake me up are now wearing out.
As sleep threatens to take over I need to do everything in my power to stay awake and alert. This is a battle which I have to win or risk being labelled lazy or lacking discipline or worse unproductive .
** No no no no can’t sleep now, drink another coffee, listen to music, anything to help you stay up.***
2:00 pm Still at work
Don’t get too comfortable as the worse is yet to come. The afternoon decides to pay a visit. This is the period which makes you feel like you are waking up in the wrong time zone every day. Now is also the time for the good ol’ self-loathing to kick in. After puling a daring stunt of waking up late and a less than stellar first half of work day, I don’t see any hope of recovery in the second half.
Now is the time when a night owl who has woken up early desperately needs a nap.
6:30 pm Back at home
This situation is the one that is analogous to when the dark times are finally over. After a period of agony now comes the relief. The first rain after a scorching summer. Hell, this portion of the day feels so natural that evening writing about it seems to be effortless.
10:30 pm Night
Bliss. Why can I never feel like this during the day time? I am not normal.
Doesn’t matter even if I vow to sleep early tonight. I might lay down at 10 pm but I am not going to fall asleep. I will be thinking about things. Like are aliens for real? I should google this, no I have to sleep, I am hungry I should eat something, remember that song you listened to last week, cool lets play it over and over in your head. Great! Now that we have got that going, lets pretend we are really living out the situation in this song and if for any unfortunate reason this is a sad song, we are going to be grief stricken and heartbroken for the next hour or so, eventually falling asleep around 2:30 am. Just your usual night owl problems.
See what happened there? After years of trying I have finally given in. I would rather spend that time constructively than subject myself to the complicated and often haphazard thoughts that go through my mind.
This post originally appeared on TheBlackSheepTheorem.com. Subscribe for more silly posts like these. :)
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