The Boy Who Broke Up With Me When We Weren’t Dating

Alternative Title: Bullshit Town

Scene opens on a woman on a bicycle, riding haphazardly, and pulling up beside a newsagents in the middle of the day. She walks into the newsagents, and selects one bottle of wine. She hesitates over a second.

VOICE OVER: This is me. It’s been a rough day. I’ve just been broken up with by a guy who wasn’t even dating me.

Flashback to breakup

Girl: But.. wait. We’re not dating? How can you be breaking up with me when we’re not even dating?

Boy: It seems like we’re dating. I feel like I am falling in love with you, that’s why I think we should end it.

Girl looks resolutely ahead in sunglasses.

VOICE OVER: Oh thank God for sunglasses. Luckily I read somewhere that “If you feel like crying but don’t want to, relax your jaw and don’t blink.” I was relaxing that jaw so hard.

Boy: …maybe I was reading too much into it. But I felt like you might be falling in love with me too.

Girl: I… what? I thought we were just hanging out. Like friends with benefits and now, you’re breaking up with me? It’s pretty hard to not take this personally.

VOICE OVER: Oh jesus. What is the best way to act? Can I go wild and passionate, with anger and tears? Or, cool and calm like I don’t care? Or, do I act the role of my life, and pretend to be the cool friend?

Girl: Yeah, look, I get it. I’m sad. But yeah, maybe you were projecting I don’t know.

Boy: (Pauses, looks sad) Oh. I maybe was reading too much into it.

Girl: (replies too quickly) You weren’t.

Girl grabs second bottle of wine.