Learning to Back Myself

2017 was quite the year for me. I started a new job. I went back to study after three years, my first time at a university level. Starting the year with lots of new challenges can seem exciting at first glance. But then the worry sets in. Makes itself nice and comfy and pokes you incessantly.

I, like many others before me, was filled with the confidence of something new and exciting to tackle. I got this I thought to myself. You go girl. I should have known what was in store. I’ve studied before, after all. But there’s something about returning to study when you’ve had experience in the field that fills you with a false delusion of I know.

Don’t get me wrong, my experience working in libraries has been immensely helpful to me in my degree so far. But there’s still so much I don’t know, which is obviously why I’m studying in the first place.

When you mix part time study with full time work you are often all-the-time tired. You face usual amounts of procrastination combined with I’ve-been-working-all-day-and-now-I-want-to-lay-down-and-not-move. Every evening and weekend is either spent studying, or watching Netflix and feeling guilty about not studying. Every assignment induces another panic. You end up counting down the days until the precious five weeks you get to lay around and do nothing.

When I look back on all the things I learned in 2017, the one that stands out is backing myself. Now this is something I’m still learning how to do so I think it can carry me over to what I want to learn in 2018. But I learned how important it is to back yourself, not just in study but in life. There are so many times that I talk myself out of doing something, convince myself I can’t instead of just saying I’M DOING THIS, JUST YOU WAIT.

This year I want to learn more in my profession, in whatever form that may take. That leaves me open to anything that may happen.

I’m ready.