The Social Media Manager Goes to Work

Since Digiday is sharing these go-getters.

6:30 Sunlight scorches eyes.

7:00 Alarm one.

7:15 Alarm two.

7:30 Caffeine, hygiene, prepare sustenance.

8:00 Realize I’ll be late. Commit to lateness.

8:30 Walk to subway.

8:45 Open a few tabs, look busy.

8:55 Marvel at something the schizophrenic who frequents our page said.

8:56 Consider block. Do not.

8:56 Respond to a few messages from reasonable people.

9:05 Block racist person.

9:05 Consider forwarding tweet to employer listed in her profile. Do not.

9:06 Begin trawling the internet for things to create a modicum of activity on several low-value accounts.

9:45 Complete trawling.

9:50 Realize that all social accounts are low value.

9:55 Find something interesting on company site.

10:05 Begin reading Ars.

10:30 End reading Ars.

10:30 Really get into a Finnish person’s Spotify profile.

11:30 Hunger pangs, face down the dark valley between now and socially acceptable lunchtime.

11:31 Schedule a post on the account that I forgot about.

11:45 Fill water bottle. Reconnoiter lunch scene.

12:06 Wait till slightly after noon to eat, thus delaying the most interesting part of the day.

12:08 Reheat sustenance.

12:15 Settle on well-written thinkpiece that’ll last a good half hour.

1:00 Talk with ad tech vendor.

1:05 Determine how ad tech vendor is lying, fix issue, realize I still have 25 more minutes with them.

1:35 Send product UX feedback to ad tech vendor feedback black hole.

1:45 Consider the total pointlessness of organic social.

1:49 Compare paid social to SEM, SEO.

1:50 Determine paid social is pointless too.

1:52 Realize that the majority of my time is spent on valueless ephemera.

2:00 Brands are dumb.

2:01 Face down the afternoon interregnum.

3:00 Consider explaining that this is all pointless to colleagues.

4:05 Perk up.

4:06 Attempt to organize posts for next day.

4:55 Vaguely succeed at organizing posts for next day.

5:11 Await socially acceptable time to leave.

5:16 Leave.