Commit to THIS One Intention In Your Relationship
My partner and I are really into the idea of proactively keeping our relationship happy and healthy. We are consistently doing things that are good for ourselves and also acknowledge that in the same way we take care of ourselves and one another, we should take equal care of our relationship too.
Adam and I decided that for the health and growth of our relationship, we would commit to this simple intention: That with any disagreement, sticky situation, or set back, as long as we come out on the other side and feel like we’ve grown or progressed in a positive way, we don’t need to re-evaluate, but rather, continue moving forward.
In other words, when shit hits the fan, if we get through it and positively evolve as a unit, we’re good.
When we begin to notice repeated negative patterns or a reoccurring disagreement that leave either of us feeling resentful or defeated, we take a closer look and consider why we’re stuck.
Instead of accepting that those types of patterns are just a part of our relationship, we actively try to replace them with better habits because ultimately, we both want to be happy. And happiness doesn’t come from being complacent. This commitment to the positive evolution of our relationship helps us to do three things well:
Create an open space for conflict.
Because we know what we’re working towards when we fight or disagree, we feel more comfortable saying how we feel and upsetting the other person without fear of ‘losing them’. It makes every discussion feel like a team effort. This doesn’t mean that our communication is perfect — by no means am I saying that. There are still very frustrating times between us and lots of areas where we can communicate better. But one thing is clear, we both WANT to find resolve and WANT to grow from the situation, so conflict becomes more approachable.
Better indicate the real issues.
By exercising this awareness, we can pinpoint the issues that keep reoccurring and they become more evident when we can compare them to the hardships that we grew from and moved past. We eliminate the possibility of getting stuck in a cyclical pattern. The commitment to this agreement has given us the chance to spot bigger issues before they spiral out of control.
Hold each other accountable to building happiness.
It’s kind of like getting clear on your relationship’s mission. The intention of our relationship is to grow and evolve in a healthy and happy way. We recognize that life’s biggest learning often comes from the tough stuff, so we’re willing to go through it together. And with this mindset and intention, we stay on the same page.
This idea, the idea of approaching our relationship from a slightly more rational point of view, instead of an emotionally charged one, has been transformational for me (and I think for Adam too). The trust and faith in our relationship that it has bred has felt more grounding than I’ve felt before. The reality is that there isn’t a whole lot you can control in a relationship; because the bond between two people is bound to get messy sometimes. But if you can both define the purpose of your partnership and really embrace wanting the best for each other, things become simpler than you thought possible.
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Brittany is the driving force behind The Courage Collective, a personal coaching service and blog for millennials and young people alike. It’s courage for your quarter life. This initiative and company has been her heart work over the past year. Connect with Britt on Instagram: @brittkathrynn