I don’t want what they want. Here is why it’s okay.
So often, I find myself overwhelmed and anxiety stricken by everything that I have on my plate. I find solace in the thought that it will all be settled soon, once this is done and that is done, things will be settled and it will all look just right. But the truth is, that when everything is “settled” I probably won’t want it to look like that anymore.
I am a creature of build, rebuild, and then once it is done, once it looks just right, I want something completely different. The secret I have been looking for, that I have been trying to grasp and continue to try to make a part of me, is to accept this as my reality and go with it. To allow myself the change, realize that this is a huge part of who I am, the gypsy in me. The gypsy in me is real, it is something that was engraved in my skin, in my blood in my curly blonde hair as a child. The way my soul and body almost physically reject being still.
Keep moving, keep building, what is next? It’s nomadic. Moving from one art to another, one passion, one career, one lover, one friend. Everything constantly changing. And that is okay. One of my friends has taught me so many life lessons, and one of the most valuable is that people come and go throughout your life and that is okay. I used to cling to people with such a desperation, stemming from my abandonment issues as a child. I still have pangs of that feeling, but am learning to let go. Let people go, let things go, it is all part of my journey. And I am learning that my journey has many phases and changes and landscapes. It fuels me. I cannot wait for the next step, the next adventure, the next chapter. But for now, I plan to take in every taste, every smell, every sight that presents itself to me in this one. Live for today, it is all that we truly know that we have.