Man Takes Coffee on Peak Hour Train Without Lid

Commuters run for their lives.

A man on a CBD-bound train this morning has terrorised fellow commuters after taking his steaming hot cup of black coffee on board without a lid.

Peak hour passengers were packed inside the carriage like sardines when the man reportedly forced his way on at Newtown station.

‘It was terrifying, said one victim whose blouse was left stained by coffee after she was forced to ride shoulder to shoulder with the man. ‘My top is totally ruined. He should be paying my dry cleaning bill!’

Although nobody was physically burnt, many passengers say they will bear the emotional scars of the incident until at least lunchtime.

‘I now know how those poor people in Iraq or Pakistan or wherever must feel when a bomb goes off out of nowhere. That’s exactly what it felt like. It was that kind of scary,’ said one commuter, as he left the train.

‘No lid!’ Blasted another. ‘What the hell was he thinking? It was splashing around everywhere. He could have killed someone.’

NSW Minister for Transport, Andrew Constance, jumped at the chance to turn the event into rare good news story for Sydney trains, holding a press conference outside his office.

‘I shudder to think what might have happened if commuters weren’t riding 1 of 24 brand spanking new Sydney trains,’ he said proudly with his chest out. ‘It’s a true testament to how smooth they are compared to the older ones––that yes––to the blind eye look exactly like the older ones,’ he proclaimed taking a passive aggressive turn. ‘So what if we used the same old fabric for the seats? We had loads left over!’

Meanwhile, Police have taken the man into custody for questioning. He is expected to be charged with 43 counts of grievous bodily harm, attempted manslaughter and grotesque crimes against the environment for not using a Keep Cup.