Pick Your D1 Playoff Dream Line, On A Budget

Bonnie Thunders. Photo: Masonite Burn

This site was inspired by The Ringer and their “Can You Build a Superteam to Beat the Warriors” is the inspiration for this post.

With the Gotham dynasty run ending last year at the hands of Rose City, and the Hydra seemingly up for grabs between at least 3 teams this year, we didn’t want to focus on beating a particular team — but instead creating a dream line to win in a tough scenario.

The stage set is this; your team is down 13 points in the final jam at D1 Playoffs. You have just burned your last time out and already used your official review in order to rest this line as much as possible. You need an offense capable of grabbing lead and at least 4 laps, maybe more, and a defense that is able to lock down. If you win this bout — you are on to Champs. If you lose it, you will be watching from home.

Monied skaters are below. Your 5 skaters have to come in at $15 or less. Any combination is up to you, and skaters that are not listed are worth $1. Only skaters who are eligible and active (to your knowledge) in this D1 Playoff can be picked.

Our line and explanation is below. You can send your picks to us on twitter The Apex, Facebook, or email derbyapex@gmail.com. We will add in depth explanations to this post! If you think we undervalued/overvalued a skater let us know and if that skater is you, use it as whiteboard material, prove us wrong, and tell us “you know nothing, The Apex.”

Skater List

$5 Dollar Skaters

Scald Eagle

Bonnie Thunders

$4 Dollar Skaters



Christy Demons

Smarty Pants

Laci Knight

Tracy Akers

Stef Mainey



Jes Rivas

Fifi Nomenon

$ 3 Dollar Skaters

Loren Mutch

Hunnie Brascoe

Freight Train

Violet Knockout

Bianca Scarietta

Lexi Lightspeed

Rogue Runner

Die Die

Brawn Swanson

Satan’s Little Helper


Tui Lyon

Jackie Daniels

Midge Wilhelm


Luna Negra

Erin Jackson


Snot Rocket Science

The Smacktivist

Kim Janna

Flying King

Sarah Hipel


Teflon Donna

Jilleanne Rookard


$2 Dollar Skaters

Short Stop


Master Blaster

Mick Swagger

Caf Fiend

Kid Block

Rachel Rotten

Hauss the Boss


Second Hand Smoke

Blaque Jac

Baller Shot Caller

Taru Saskalin


Miracle Whips

Falcon Punch

Surgical Strike

Leanne Groll

Ada Bloodlace

Polygamy Winehouse

V Diva

Shark Week



Feta Sleeze


Maya Mangleyou

Our Line ($15)

Jammer: Librawlian (Lake Effect Furies) $2

The 3rd highest point scorer in last years Division 1 Playoff, behind only Scald Eagle and Bonnie Thunders, is our pick on the jam line. This is an almost off the board jammer pick, but one we would be confident in making. She has elite endurance, can switch in jam to defense (she eats many babies) and has multiple moves to break down defenses. You could break the bank at the jammer spot, or you could go for the skaters who idolize and want to grow up to be Bonnie Thunders. The latter was our pick here.

Pivot: Shaina Serelson (VRDL) $4

Arguably the most versatile blocker in all of derby at transitioning from being a one woman wall to a one woman sweep. We would be going 3 and 1 in this jam and Shaina would be that active offense, bridge, last line of defense. She’s been in these scenarios lots of times before, and she knows how to pull it off as well and can give that offense consistently without taking penalties.

Blocker #1: Bicepsual (VRDL) $4

The best faced up head brace in all of roller derby. You can’t go North-South with a heavy pusher to beat her, and anyone trying to go East-West is going to have to beat these legs. We long for a day when everyone in derby realizes that you face up block with your lower body, not your upper body.

Blocker #2: Sexy Slaydie (Gotham) $4

If you had these blockers on your team you’d never be down by 13, but given the scenario the intentions are obvious — create a blocking line that would reduce 99% of the world’s jammer to a pool of tears on the jam line. With Bicepsual, Slaydie and Bricks below the focus is tall, immovable blockers with long legs and wingspan.

Blocker #3: Bricks Hit House (Lake Effect Furies) $1

Another homer pick, this one off of the board as I have only $1 left. Bricks is a lock down blocker who knows how to sit on and ride jammers. There is no hope of pushing Bricks and although she can’t face up block like Bicepsual or rob space and close lines at Slaydie’s level, put in this blocking core there is basically no room left on the track. A jammers best hope against this line is to draw penalty, most likely a multi, but even still you remove one of these three and you are still jamming against a brick wall.

#1 Guest Dream Line MarryK KingCrazy Harvey’s Picks ($15)

Jammer: Erin Jackson (New Jax City) $3

Speed to burn, stamina not a doubt, and as agile as anyone.

Pivot: Stef Mainey (London Brawling) $4

In my view, the best allround player in the world! So strong, very aware of what is around her, and will deliver the points if a star pass is needed.


Sexy Slaydie ($4) and OMG WTF ($3) — (Gotham)

I have to put these 2 together, they work so well as a pairing but also work as part of a wall, or individually. Deceptively quick and surprisingly agile, these 2 alone give jammers nightmares.

Ruthless Philly (Rainy City) $1

I may be biased, as she is a good friend, but that would be doing her an injustice! Simply a machine, can play every jam in a game and then do it all again, really good footwork and core strength means she rarely goes off her skates.

I’d really love to see this line up in a Sur5al tournamanet!!!

#2 Guest Line Allison Rose ($15)

Jammer: Loren Mutch (Rose) $3

Because I think you’ve seriously undervalued her. She should at LEAST be $4, if not up there with Bonnie and Eagle. At $3 she’s a steal.

Pivot: Stef Mainey (London) $4

The best triple threat in the game at the moment. With all due respect to Fisher Twice, Gotham lost the Hydra last year on a star pass. That won’t happen with Stef Mainey wearing the stripe.

Blocker: OMG WTF (Gotham) $3

Also undervalued. An incredible communicator on the track, with an insane lead jam % and +/-. You need someone with her strategic brain for those important last jams. Plus, she’s a great backwards blocker, and she usually plays very clean.

Blocker: Serelson (VRDL) $4

I agree with you that Serelson needs to be on this line, but not as a pivot.

Blocker: Jessica Chestnut (Rose) $1

She’s always overlooked in favour of Serelson and Rivas, but she was an integral part of their line last year, and her and Serelson play so well together.

#3 Guest Line Merry Khaos ($13)

Jammer: Luz Chaos (Arizona) $1

Yes. I’m taking a $1 jammer because she hasn’t had the advantage of playing on a top 3 team with a top 3 blocking core in playoffs. Luz is every bit as good as Mutch, Jamsterella, Snot, and Violet (the world just doesn’t know it yet).

Pivot: JukeBoxx (London) $4

Arguably one of the smartest players in the game, Juke is masterful at offense, great at catching escaped jammers, and is incredible at the contain and control.

Blocker: Steferee (Tampa) $1

Recent transfer from Demolition Derby to Tampa, Stef plays like a Slaydee or a Serelson (without the penalty count). She is a solid piece of any wall, has the lateral motion, communication, and body awareness necessary to stagnate any jammer.

Blocker: Snot Rocket Science (Jacksonville) $3

Yes. As a blocker. Thing about Snot is that she is unbelievably quick and strong on her edges. She can absorb impact of incoming jammers and use their momentum to ride them to the edge. She is one step ahead of the jammers because she understands the psychology of jamming so intimately.

Blocker: Bicepsual (VRDL) $4

One of the best backwards blockers on the planet, Bi can brace, rotate, catch, throw. Bi can face off against any other blocker and win. I don’t know what you can say about Bi except for : TOP NOTCH.

#4 Guest Line: Tron (aka Jessica H Christ) ($15)

Jammer: Christie Demons VRDL ($4)

No explanation necessary.

Pivot: V-Diva (Gotham) $2

As steal at $2, the London vs Gotham game makes the case for V-Diva as a pivot.

Blockers: Bicepsual (VRDL) $4, OMG WTF (Gotham) $3, Kid Block (London) $2

No one goes one on one last line of defense like Bicepsual. All three of these skaters destroy jammers.