Dumpster Fire Recap: The Bachelorette 7/17
Hometowns are the WORST and I would love to skip this episode completely.

Folks, I needed the skip card, but drew a draw two. Let’s get to it. Eric’s hometown is up first. Baltimore! #1 city that nobody wants to ever visit for ten years straight! Eric’s genius idea is to play basketball with a girl that used to date World Champion basketball player, Kevin Durant. Maybe he didn’t know about K-D at this point?

The last time Eric brought a lady home to meet the family was prom, which is short for promenade #FunFact. Eric’s had a “him against the world” mentality for a long time, but now he’s ready to start a team. At Aunt Verna’s house, we’re meeting Mom, Dad, Aunt Verna, and tons of other people. Aunt Verna quickly gives the stamp of approval. Mom is naturally skeptical, but he tells her that he’s not going to hold back for fear of rejection.
That’s good enough for Mom. Now she’s excited that he’s excited and hopes he and Rachel will bring out the best in each other. Eric nails the toast at dinner and pretty much knocks this hometown out of the park. The first L-bomb of the season is also dropped.

Miami in the house! South Beach, bringin’ the heat! Apparently, too-good-to-be-true-Bryan lives in Miami. They’re playing dominoes in the park with the old amigos and doing some not-so-typical Miami things before meeting the fam.
The first thing you have to know about Bryan, is that Bryan’s Mom treats him like a 17 year old about to leave for college next week. Bryan’s Mom is not ready let him go (he’s 37). His last relationship ended because of Mom. Mom is shocked that he is in love and not super supportive out of the gate.
Rachel goes on and on about all the reasons she likes her son when she gets a sit down with Mom. Mom says that “Bryan is my life” multiple times — a normal thing that people say about their 37 year old children. Their conversation ends with Mama Bryan saying that she will kill Rachel if she hurts her son.

It wasn’t the most successful hometown, but it should be good enough to keep Bryan as the clear favorite. Bryan also drops the L-bomb. We’re TWO for TWO.
Madison, Wisconsin is the next stop on our journey of needlessly involving families in a poly-amorous relationship with a Survivor element. Peter lives in Madison and he’s introducing our girl to his friends first. The friends are helping Pete with his fear of getting engaged at the end of this shin-dig. Pete says he’s not a person that makes rash decisions, which should have eliminated him from consideration for this show.

We’re meeting Mom, Dad, and other miscellaneous family members. They arrive with wrapped gifts that I’m very interested to learn about (we never do). Is Peter ready for marriage? The family thinks, yes, BUT he’s got some walls up still. Rachel’s ready for family and kids and mom isn’t positive that Pete is completely there yet. Peter does not drop the L-bomb. Ruh oh
Don’t worry Peter fans! Pete’s date is about to look like great once Dean sets the low end of the curve. Dean lives in Aspen, which seems like a pretty solid place to have as your hometown. He hasn’t seen his father in two years. Luckily, there is no better place to reunite with an estranged family member than a reality show.

Dean has two brothers and a sister. Also his dad is remarried and has been living as a Sikh for six years. I don’t know much about the Sikhs, but I know enough to say that this is not going to be a very good representation of what they’re about.
Dad starts off the evening with a lovely performance of his gong skills. Just to clarify, that is not a typo. Dean’s Dad plays the gong. The gong performance gets everyone started off on a mellow note, but the date ends up going POORLY.
Dad and Dean fight. Rachel and Dad don’t really get along. The best endorsement Dad can give is “Okay, I honor that. I honor that whole thing.” He’s acting like he just lost the Super Bowl and was asked about the winning team.

Obviously this family has been through a lot. Maybe a reality show wasn’t the best place to work through it all. Maybe Dean was kept around specifically to add drama to the hometown dates. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, Dean drops the third L-bomb of the night. Can he survive the rose ceremony though?
Chris Harrison, first of his name, counter of roses, and Lord of Bachelor Nation, is back to walk Rachel through her decision. Bryan is obviously safe, but nobody else seems certain to end up with a rose. I THINK Eric is safe, but Dean and Peter seem like a tossup going into the ceremony.
Bryan gets the first rose
Eric pulls #2
AND… Peter makes it through
Adieu Dean. See you in Paradise! No change in the power rankings this week. Can Eric make a move for the number two spot before Bryan gets the final rose? Will Rachel realize that she doesn’t need a man and kick all three to the curb? Will Bachelor in Paradise just start already!? Find out tonight!
OFFICIAL POWER RANKINGS
#1 Cash Money Camilionaires (11) — Bryan — OUT Jamey [+1]
#2 Team #GrownSexy (15) — Peter — OUT DeMario [+1]
#3 B-Squad (21) — Eric/Dean [+1]
#4 Dizzle’s Skank Squad (12) — OUT Adam/Anthony
#5 LJ’s Lovelies (19) — OUT Matt/Will
#6 Gergg’s Geishas (12) — OUT Alex/Diggy
#7 Dean Machine (20) — OUT Josiah/Kenny
#8 The Michaels (15) — OUT Jonathan/Lee/Blake/Fred/Brady
#9 Noodle’s Canoodlers (10) — OUT Iggy/Jack
#10 Sam Salami Jugglers (10) — OUT Lucas/Bryce
