The Circle of Death: Where Joy and Fulfillment Go to Die & Nine Steps to Keep them Alive

WARNING: This will kill you.

It’s your lack of focus, and it’s suspect #1 in the theft of your joy and fulfillment.

This hit me like a freight train in 2020.

Joy and fulfillment were non-existent. After months of absolute misery, I made a sketch that changed my life:

I call it The Circle of Death.

It was killing me, and there’s a good chance it’s killing you too.

The picture speaks for itself. We’ve all been on this ride. The only way out is to break the circle.

Here’s how you do it…

BREAKING THE CIRCLE

“I AM SELF-SABOTAGE”

This was a crucial realization. When I sketched the circle, lack of focus and self-sabotage weren’t just a part of my idenity they were my identity.

Youtube, Instagram, and Netflix were draining my brain capacity.

I was scrolling my life into oblivion.

My mind wanted (and still wants) me to be weak. The instant pleasures of life, content consumption, junk food, etc. feel great.

But it’s a Paradox. Your mind will fight like hell to keep you weak, even though the best feeling in the world is to be strong.

It’s your ability to focus that bridges the gap.

“The successful warrior is the average man with laser-like focus”-Bruce Lee

The problem is you’ll never know this if you continue to scroll yourself into oblivion.

DEFEAT SELF SABATAOGE, MASTER YOUR FOCUS

Your brain is WEAK. That is until you decide to make it strong.

To get stronger physically you need to follow a structured framework. Your mind is no different. This is your framework…

1. Awareness

You have to know what a lack of focus feels like.

Sun Tzu in the Art of War says:

“If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle”

Well, guess what? When it comes to focusing, you are both the enemy and yourself. (Try to imagine this one hard if you want to put your brain in a neat little pretzel)

If you don’t know either you are going to lose.

Awareness takes practice. Everybody suggests meditating. This is because it works. It helps teach you awareness.

I encourage you to try it and commit to it for some time if you have not. However, don’t do this if it will be a detriment to getting the right work done.

In the spirit of this, if you want to skip out on sitting cross-legged on the floor, I’ll share with you my favorite meditation tool.

It’s the concept of “noting”. Calling something (i.e. a thought/activity) by an objective name as you do it or as it enters your mind.

For example, every time I touch my phone when I should be working, or begin to daydream while I’m reading a book, I say to myself “distraction”.

I call my enemy what it is. And knowing my enemy will help me to beat it.

2. Decision

You have to decide that you care. If you don’t truly care that you’re being distracted and that your focus is weak, then nothing will change. If you’re reading this I would imagine you care.

Don’t degrade that decision. Keep it in your brain:

“I know I want to be better and dammit I am going to be”

3. Vision, Values & Purpose

This is the hardest step, and could arguably be skipped if we are just talking about focusing on menial tasks like balancing your budget every week or cleaning the house.

But most of us care about way more than that. A Vision, Core Values, and Purpose are essential tools that need to be written down and committed to memory.

You’re in a dense forest. Vision is your map, Core values are your compass and your Purpose is the groomed trail. If you don’t use each of them properly, pretty soon you will be lost and fighting for your life.

I could write an entire blog on this topic (in fact I did right here) because it’s that vital.

For brevity here, just know that this must be established and written down or you’ll be walking blind.

4. Know your Enemy, Brain Dump:

Alright, the stage is set, time to rock n roll. This is about knowing the enemy (yourself). What are your biggest distractions? What takes your focus away from pursuing your mission and your goals?

Write down all of your biggest distractions. Netflix, phone usage, etc.

Write down specifically WHY this is a problem. What does it prevent you from doing? How does it make you feel?

Ex: “Every time I watch Netflix it prevents me from reading and learning new skills that will help me become financially independent. I feel horrible anxiety every time I spend all night watching Netflix, knowing I just wasted 3 hours of my life.”

5. Plan, Organize, Prioritze

Once the distractions are captured it is time to solve them. Write down exactly what you can do to mitigate or eliminate these distractions. (Ex: Time limits on Instagram, canceling your Netflix account, etc.)

Have at least three ways written down to beat each distraction and pick one of them to start working on.

Work on it relentlessly until you have it under control and then move on to the next.

This is sales 101. We are identifying and building pain and then providing a solution. And when it comes to self-improvement, you’re the seller and the buyer.

(Intermission:)

I have talked a lot about writing in these steps so far. The reasoning is twofold. First, I am a writer and I think it’s a beautiful expression of logical and abstract creativity all wrapped up into one.

Second, writing is for everyone. If you are a human you are a thinker. If you are a thinker you can be a writer. It slows down our minds, which is essential for proper thought.

Jordan Peterson says:

“If you want to learn how to think you should learn how to write”

Alright, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, back to the regularly scheduled programming. (Which realistically could also be a Ted Talk. If you’ve got connections, hook a brother up!)

6. Violent Execution:

Plans are great. But plans are useless if you don’t do anything about them.

It doesn’t need to be perfect, it doesn’t need to be color-coded and organized, it just needs to be done.

“A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week- General George S. Patton

I’d argue even an average plan violently executed is just as good. Action is everything. Nothing can be improved unless action is taken first.

The difference between average, good and excellent is consistency and iteration.

7. Bring a Lifeline:

Your focus will fail. And then it will fail again. And again. And again. You can’t just build it up and be good at it forever, there will be moments of weakness, and you will slip up.

The key is not to avoid slipping up, it’s to avoid falling on your face and drowning in your blood, sweat, and tears of failure.

For this, bring along a lifeline. Something to save you when you’re drowning.

These are mine…

• Self Talk:

I think this is one of the most underutilized tactics in the world. Your brain is already talking to you nonstop anyway. Why not make it useful!

I like to have mantras for when I get distracted.

As discussed before, I will note something as a “distraction” when it sabotages my focus.

I will sometimes follow that up by speaking the words: “Attention”, or “Here and Now” (shouts out Aldous Huxley).

It’s just a subtle reminder to myself of where my brain should be.

• Vision, Core Values & Purpose:

Again this is your map, compass, and trail in the forest. Remind yourself of them when you’re going off route. (Here’s how to build yours)

• Breath:

Simple but effective. It’s always there. It’s your anchor. Focus on it while you speak to yourself and you’ll be back on track in no time.

8. Consume with Intention

Consumption isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s essential. Our brains need new thoughts and lessons constantly. The minute you stop learning is the minute you start losing.

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” -Mahatma Gandhi

The key word here though is learning. That’s what consumption should be for. Consume selfishly. Consume to get something out of it. Something that applies to your pursuits. Here are three simple ways to improve your consumption:

• Step 1: Purge the socials.

Unfollow all the dumb meme accounts, celebrities, and irrelevant influencers. They are distracting you and they are useless.

• Step 2: Create a consumption tracker.

A prioritized list of what you want to consume with dedicated time set aside to do so. If you have mapped out what you want to consume, and why, you are more likely to stay on track.

• Step 3: Capture what inspires you.

Remember we are consuming with the intention of learning and creation. (Even if that’s only the creation of new thoughts in our brain.) If something sparks an idea write it down immediately so that you don’t lose it.

9. Do It.

Yes, this is execution again. And I’m repeating it because it’s that important. Everything here is a bunch of theoretical noise if it’s not acted upon. (violently right now).

For this, I’ll repeat one of my favorite sayings. I heard it casually in a youtube video from a fitness content creator, Joe Delaney.

He simply said, “Do shit more, think about it less”.

I don’t remember what the video was, I don’t remember the context, and I’d guess he had minimal intention of it being impactful.

But the blatant simplicity and truth are clear.

Every single decision in life. Every moment of hesitation, every second thought. Don’t think about it too hard. Just go do it.

Staying Alive:

The Circle of Death will always be there. Self Sabotage is always around the corner. My brain wants me to be weak. This will keep joy and fulfillment forever out of reach.

However, I know that if I can master my focus I can break The Circle and keep them alive.

Create the right systems and the right frameworks for yourself. If the steps above help you, use them. If they don’t, create a framework of your own.

Regardless the goal is the same.

Master your Focus, Keep Joy and Fulfillment Alive