Why Emotional Conversation Doesn’t Work
Humans are emotional creatures, which is part of what makes us just that: human. Unlike animals, many of our day to day processes are not simply just for the sake of our own survival but rather the attempt at achieving fulfillment of an aspect of our lives that we feel needs fulfilling. Whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, or even spiritually, most of what we do involves the self-fulfillment aspect of ourselves.
Which brings us to the topic at hand: why does emotional conversation tend to not work? According to an article I read from a child development blogger named Amy entitled The Scientific Reason Why Yelling Doesn’t Work, studies have shown that the tone of voice in which words are spoken affects the ability of people to remember said words. Studies have shown that people tend to remember words spoken in a neutral tone better than those spoken in a sad tone; also, words spoken in sad tones had a higher tendency of being remembered more negatively than other words.
Personal Experience
Amy discusses how yelling doesn’t work with children based on a recent study of vocal emotion and memory. I would have to agree with Amy as I have found, based on my own personal experiences, that not only does yelling seem to not work with children but it also tends to not work with adults and even animals such as dogs. I find that when a person is yelling at me I have the tendency of remembering the emotions the yelling caused me such as fear, anger, anxiety rather than the context of what was actually being yelled at me. I could recall bits and pieces of information which either proves that emotional conversation causes lapses in memory or that I have selective hearing when it comes to being yelled at.
The same goes for animals. While training my dog, Koda, I have found that yelling does not work with him. When I yell or raise my voice to him he has a higher tendency of disobeying and repeating bad behaviors such as peeing on my bathroom rug or chewing up my new bed sheets. But if I use a firm but neutral tone he has a tendency of listening a lot better. I see it as when I yell at him, Koda probably gets filled with thoughts of fear or anxiety therefore making him less capable of understanding commands, which makes sense to me. If someone was yelling at me about something I did wrong, my thoughts would be flooded with different emotions making it more difficult to be understanding.
What Makes Us Human
As human beings, our emotional state as well as emotional health plays a large role in our way of thinking and the way our brain processes things. Not only do we look at the context of the things we say but also the way we say it. I find it fascinating how by simply changing the tone or how you portray yourself during conversation can change the effect on how we understand conversation. For example, if I told you that the roof is on fire in a neutral, loving tone, would you take me seriously? In comparison to if I yelled in an anxious tone that the roof is on fire; do you see the difference?
It’s funny how the use of emotion changes the way we understand things while it also hinders our understanding.
I think we all may know the feeling or have at least experienced such situations. I think that it’s up to us to try to not allow emotions to get the best of us, especially in terms of conversation. What do you think?