Your birthday ain’t like mine.

As I write this, I am exactly three days away from my 42nd birthday. It will be a blessing to see that day arrive. The way 2016 has shaped up I’ll definitely be thanking the universe for bringing me that far. For most people to be able to celebrate being a year older is great. However mine is often times a source of emotional pain.

It all ties back to my 7th birthday. I was constantly picked on and ridiculed in school as a child. People call it bullying these days. I never did have close friends growing up so when my birthday came around at least I had my family who loved me to celebrate with me or so I thought.

I could not contain my joy as I got home from school because I knew my birthday cake and gifts were waiting for me. Well I get there and my mom wishes me a Happy Birthday. My older siblings were to caught up in their school work and teen aged stuff to care but my spirits were still high because I was waiting on my dad to get home to celebrate me.

I hear his truck park in the driveway and get all excited. He walks in the door, he says Hi. I look at him and say daddy where is my gift. He looks at me oddly and says what gift. I said daddy its my birthday don’t you have my cake and stuff. A look of shock crosses his face right in front of my eyes and my mom says clearly Ronald you forgot her birthday is today.

He immediately runs back out the door, gets in his truck and leaves. He returns twenty minutes later with a brown paper grocery bag from the store around the corner. He pulls out a grocery store fake Barbie doll, a Sara Lee poundcake and says Happy Birthday to me.

I was devastated, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I was hurt. Exactly one week later it was my older brother’s birthday which also happens to be Christmas Day. He was celebrated the whole day complete with extra gifts and a birthday cake. Me, I just sat there trying to feel happy because it was Christmas but sad knowing I was treated like a second class citizen in my own family.

Here it is almost 35 years later and I still bear the scar from the hurt that was inflicted on me way back in 1981. I don’t go home for my birthday. Its to painful of a reminder of what happened. I always spend my actual birthday alone. Its my way of insulating myself from feeling hurt that no one cares enough to celebrate me.

I no longer want to carry this around as a part of my spirit. So I decided to put this out there as my way of healing this emotional wound and giving myself a great start to my new year.

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