Bend It Like Becca Week 4: Jean Blanc Ralphio
Look. I know. There’s a new episode tonight and I still haven’t written the recap for the last one.
Sometimes you visit your partner to watch some lesbians do comedy and while you’re there there’s a new lesbian comedy special on Netflix that you have to write about, and then on the bus home your uterus betrays you and you spend the next 48 hours yelling and/or napping. Sometimes that happens. Y’all will just have to deal.
Last week ended before a rose ceremony so we’re Getting Amongst It. Becca gives Jordan a pair of gold boxer briefs.
David the Chicken Man comes back and he looks….fine. And he gets a rose.
At the rose ceremony we lose Mike and Nick the Banjo Guy which is sad but w/e. The rest of the boys are going to Park City, Utah! Nothing says romance like Utah!
Becca goes on a one on one with Known Bigot And Chris Farley Impressionist Garrett. I hate him I hate him so much he’s everything I try not to be in my own masculinity. So we’re not going to dwell on that.
MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH, KNOWN **FELON** LINCOLN THINKS THE EARTH IS FLAT. It’s honestly comedy gold and he deserves to be the butt of every joke after what he’s done. Idk, ABC, maybe you should have a “no restraining order” rule when screening contestants. But who am I to say anything.
Jean Blanc is antsy about his relationship with Becca not moving quickly enough, and they dedicate a whole scene to that.
Garrett and Becca go bobsledding with lesbians and honestly what an amazing date I wish every sports related date in this frachise was just “hi we’re gay and do this sport together, you’re straight, would you like to do this sport together?”
Becca is so in love with Garrett, it’s disgusting. And she says that he reminds her of her dad? Garrett reveals he was married at 23 and was divorced after two months, which is WAY too close to my own age for comfort. Lord above, I am a child I am Paige Jennings chastely kissing Matthew Beeman.
Then they dance to a random obscure country singer and it’s always so awkward. If anybody takes you on a date that involves dancing in front of a crowd of people, do yourself a favor and dump them then and there.
We’re not going to devote any more time to him, it’s group date time and all the guys save Wills are competing in lumberjack….lumberjacking? idk.
So the boys have a lumberjack off.
Jean Blanc, the Dennis Feinstein of Jean Ralphios, mentions something about having a special gift for Becca. It’s a special perfume called “Becca Blanc” aka “Presumption…for her”
And then…he talks about how he’s “going for that rose” and then… ugh… then he TELLS BECCA HE’S FALLING FOR HER.
Now, I’m a firm member in “when you know you know.” I told Keaton I loved him two weeks in. But…come on, man. That’s yor one move, don’t waste it early.
Becca is having none of it. He basically says “I’m falling for you” and she responds not even a minute later “can I walk you out.”
Because Jean Blanc has no idea what is good for him, he tries to backpedal, saying he only used the L word to “tell her what she wanted to hear” which is a grade A dickish statement. Becca is so shaken she cuts the cocktail party off early and doesn’t give out a rose.
The next day she goes snowmobiling with Wills. It’s cute. He seems to put her back in a good mood. He gets the rose.
Back at the ranch, Chris Harrison announces that Becca doesn’t want to have a cocktail party. She just wants to distribute roses and get back to planning her wedding with Garrett.
At the rose ceremony, she kicks out Christon the Globetrotter and Nick Wait Hang On I Thought The Other Guy Was Nick Oh Well Good Riddance.
Next week: VEGAS
and more importantly
JORDAN AND DAVID TWO ON ONE BAY BEEEEE
