Concrete Steps for Change at Claremont Mckenna College

Recent events and emotional turmoil at CMC are undoubtedly distressing. However, what is more distressing is the fact that no concrete steps and actions have been taken to solve the issues at hand. The POCs have had their voices heard, and yet the administration makes no real claims to action. I, a CMCer who is largely an expert in all considerations and methods that are pragmatic, an individual who is well-versed in the art, science, and technique of Leadership, and a future investment banking role model to future generations of CMCers, propose immediate steps for change. The following need to be done in order to cure the dysfunctions of the system and get to the roots of its complications.

  1. Notions of “race” must be abandoned: we must simply be “people”

POCs are claiming oppression on the basis of primarily race. So we must regress to more archaic vocabulary and take ourselves for what we really are — simply “people.” There will be no such thing as a White, Black, Latino, Asian, etc. There will only be a “person.” There will be no unique cultures; there will only be uniformity and a collective culture of “the people.” We will have Antiracial Police, people who indict you if you make references to race, patrolling dorms, dining halls, and classrooms. All these solve numerous problems. If notions of race are effaced, and we are all one “people,” then nobody can complain about injustices stemming from their being different from one another on the basis of being born to a certain race, and basically “we’re all in this together.” As a final result, there will not be “racism” anymore. There will only be “peopleism” — a term with no conceived definition, but it sounds pretty good anyway.

2. Students will now comprise 90% of the administration

We will fire multiple administrators from their positions and install students to meet their roles. The Dean of Students will be a student (perhaps the president of the ASCMC, or someone who perceives he or she has the authority to communicate with others and make decisions on behalf of the entire student body). The President will also be a student. It is obvious that students are the people who are best qualified to make decisions about students. For instance, if your dog has a problem, would you ask your dog the problem, or the vet? Obviously the dog, meaning that certain species or groups are best informed about what is best for members of the same group. So, with students forming a majority of the administration, they are able to make the decisions they believe is in the interest of most students, regardless of what pesky adults think. We will simply maintain adults in some positions because if not, we will be accused of starting a “Lord of the Flies” society. Also, this solves the problem of admin-student confrontations. Now, whenever there is a problem between students and the administration, a.k.a students and students, this will not be a big issue, because it is common. Student-admin conflict will be very similar to typical student-student conflict and politics, which we are all familiar with, and know how to deal with — all we have to do is call the person we disagree with a “douchebag” and carry on.

3. All suggestions and discussion about related issues must now occur within designated areas

We will have areas, including lounges and forums, in which it is acceptable for people to deliberate and discuss their opinions. In other areas, this is prohibited. This is relevant especially for classrooms, where teachers will only be allowed to present facts. There will be no more seminars; teachers will engage in monotones for the entire lecture, and only about historical data or facts. Teachers that assign papers in which an opinion is needed from students will be fired despite tenure (this is possible, since students will redefine “tenure”). Overall, these steps will prevent any controversy and provide a multifaceted objective education that students of the modern day lack. Political correctness will be cultivated to perfection in all areas except the designated spaces, reducing conflict rates dramatically.

4. All silence will be treated as violence

At the same time, if you do not address your opinions, you will be indicted for violence. All students must come to the designated areas to periodically share their feelings and emotions about campus culture to the President, who will be a student. Otherwise, you will be indicted on the basis of refusal to interact with various groups of people. The only exception to the silence-is-violence clause is fasting. Mandatory fasting must occur throughout institutions every Thursday night (replacing TNC) as a reminder that any action or end is achievable upon fasting or the threat to fast. Finally, students who have been too busy studying for midterms this past week and who use this as an excuse in the future will be charged for silence.

These challenging times call for no less than great action. Let us all unite in support and shared consciousness to enact these policies with immediate effect. We are no longer this or that — no longer a particular color or ideology. We are now one “people.” Let us join hands as people to combat injustice in the world.