When A Blogger Asks ‘Why’

It’s been four years since I started The Grey Backpack. Like most bloggers I started with dreams of grandeur. My blog was going to be the start of something new in the gaming community; A new voice to cut through all the perceived BS. In the beginning things were great. I wrote with a fire in my belly — I wrote some great pieces, and I also wrote some bullshit. But through trial and error my site slowly evolved, and I learned more about the web. I was learning web design, analytics, content strategy…you know how to live on the web.

But here I am on a couch in a studio while my girlfriend works on yet another song and I’m in front of the keyboard, asking ‘why’. Why the hell am I still writing? And who am I even writing for? At one time I used to write for myself, because I enjoyed writing. But over time I started writing for others. I wanted their approval…actually I wanted their eyeballs to hit the page so I could mention my stats to people without feeling like a “loser”. And before I knew it, I fell down the rabbit hole of writing for popularity. I’m reaching a point where I’m questioning it all.

It’s a scary thought to think about leaving all my work behind and moving on with life. All the things I’ve learned and people that I’ve met online have to count for something right? It’s at this crossroads that I’ve decided to take a break from worrying about the blog for a while. I need time to clear my head, relieve some stress, and find my glow. In the meantime I’ll post my thoughts here, because I can’t keep mulling them over…it’s burning me out.