This October, I’ll be turning 20. And for the most part, I really am not excited about another year being added to my life. Probably because my mind got stucked to being 19 forever. If only, I’d stay as a teenager forever.

The thing is, I realized, that being 20 is just as bad for me is because all these fears come popping in.

Responsibilities

Education

Family

Money

Friends

Love

It’s just that I tend to think about a lot of things. Some may not really be a big issue, but my brain constantly tells me it is.

Responsibilities — I’m afraid of all things that has to do with being responsible. I grew up with parents who’d always watch after me and stay behind my back at all times. If I forgot something, I knew that they’d be there to remind me. And now, that being an adult is really becoming a reality. I wonder if someone would still be there to remind me if all things that I am quite forgetting.

Education — Being that I’m home-schooled, it fears me a lot about how companies will take me in despite the fact that I’m completely different from people studying in a regular school. Even if the subjects are the same, the lessons same, the fears are still altogether rising. Maybe people won’t accept me or maybe I’m just too different to even get noticed.

Family — The tendency to depend on people who have been with me for forever scares me to me even think that one day, I just have to be away. That there will be days of sleepless nights away from home.

Money — Will I have enough money to support myself? Will I get the job that I would most likely love to be a part of? What if?

Friends — As I’ve mentioned before, homeschooling is quite different. If at times I get to socialize, well great! Though sometimes I try to socialize, there are times that being the self- diagnosed introvert that I am, just gets the better of me. Will I have the same friends, will I get to belong somewhere ?

Love — This aspect of my life is something that I’ve been preparing for God knows how long. I just fear heartbreaks, long distance relationships, and every negativity that arises when you choose to love. Will I be able to choose the right person, will I get married? Have kids? When? All these are questions that are left unanswered.

Albeit the uncertainties in my life, I know who holds my story. I’m pretty sure He’s laughing up there as He watches His doubtful child who’s certainly afraid about everything. Surely, becoming 20 gets into my nerves. But I sure know that entrusting it to the Supreme Author my life is the best thing I could do for now. And all the negativity? Well…

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