I used to think that I am not a person that can be brought down easily, apparently I was wrong.

What does it feel to be incompetent? HOW does it feel to feel inferior? I feel that now.

Everytime you mentioned her, I stood and listen. How good and perfect she is, how you are not enough for her. You know, it sucks for me to hear how insignificant you seems to her when you are so much better than me. That really put things in perspective. How do you think of me then? is the only question in my head.

You give me compliments, you accept my flaws, but I know that deep down you want all my flaws to go away. You want me to be better, and that’s good, I am not saying it’s bad, you’re just trying to motivate me. But I am what I am, just a lazy, untidy and forgetful girl who tricked you into thinking I am something else. I know that I can never be as good as her. Good grades, talented, nice smile, and i bet good personality too. What do I have? Bad body, fair grades (which is still not enough), no talented, unmotivated. What do I have beside a cheerful personality? Or that you can fuck me whenever you want?

I really don’t know how I am gonna hold up this wall. How much longer can I pretend that nothing can get into me? How much longer till I can be happy about myself? How much longer till I become the best of version, so that I can be compatible with you?

I don't have that much strength, that much will-power. I know I am a bad human being, but next time, can your word choice be a bit less abrasive? Can you be more gentle? I am not that strong.

22:58 May 3, 2015

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