A True Blessing in Disguise

Benefits of my Depression

Most people experience heartbreak at some point, and the pain is often unforgettable. About a year and a half ago a relationship I completely invested myself in crumbled. Not knowing how to cope with my upheaval, I began to spiral downward, questioning what I did wrong and why this happened to me when I had been so happy just days before. Reflecting on those times, I can’t actually remember details of the events that hurt me because I believe my brain has blocked those memories to protect me from that experience. Over the next seven months, I lost interest in all the hobbies that I held so dear; I then began counseling and was prescribed anti-depressants but nothing anyone tried to do for me seemed to help. I could suddenly see important things in my life deteriorate: my relationship with my family and friends, my grades, and my respect for myself. The only way I can think to describe the way I felt is the lowest of emotions, emotions that I thought could only be felt in the most terrible of nightmares, wrapped around my entire existence like a wet wool blanket; where I found it a struggle to find the willpower within to do even the simplest of tasks.

I then met a few people that are my best friends today. One is my neighbor; he’s like my big brother and always looks out for me and is open to talk if I need it because he knows what it’s like to be depressed over a relationship. The two others are girls I’ve known but had never actually talked to much. Once I began to get to know these people I noticed something different about them as compared to almost anyone else I’ve ever met: they always seemed to be there for each other and anyone else that needed it. They also focus on what makes them happy as opposed to material possessions. These friends may not be rich or have everything but they do make the best of what life has given them.

Since meeting these people I have begun meditation, researched spirituality, and have learned how to love myself. Buddha once said “you must love yourself before you love another” and that describes my previous problem. I didn’t know who I was, so I couldn’t love myself. Since I’ve learned to love the person I am, I’ve been more open about loving my friends, family and all forms of life around me. Something I’ve come to notice is that people do not complement each other often, so I always try to let people know how much I enjoy their presence, and compliment them in any way that I can because I never really know what people are going through in their life; therefore, I never know how much that one compliment can turn their whole day around.

Before my depression, I seemed to not really know who I was as a person; I then went through a lot of sorrow for a decent amount of time and lost complete faith in myself only to discover more about myself than I ever could’ve imagined. Originally, I saw my inner distress as a curse, but it actually ended up being a gift of sorts. I’ve learned quite a bit about life since it all started; one of the main things being all that matters is finding happiness regardless of where I am in life; make the best out of what life has given me. Another big thing I learned is that I can’t anchor my hopes and dreams to a person because people change and when that anchor line breaks, I’m going to be stranded at sea with no guarantee of anyone seeing my signal flares. Finally, I discovered that true happiness comes from within and not from the outside world; it’s something that must be uncovered within myself.