Maybe, I was just never enough for you
How can you lose something you never had in the first place? Let’s be real. You were never mine — even though you consistently made me believe otherwise. I wish you hadn’t, though. I wish you never held my hand when you wanted to. I wish you never took my calls when I needed you. I wish it were all just a dream because now I’m sobbing, muffling my cries just so they won’t hear me calling out your name.
My friends told me it wasn’t worth it and that you never really wanted ‘us,’ but God, I didn’t care as long as you were here. I didn’t care as long as I could feel your skin against mine and gaze upon every aspect of you with admiration.
Now that I think about it, I guess it was really exhilarating for you to watch me do all that. Of course, I would be happy too if someone worshipped me for the bare minimum. But fuck it, I was in love. I had too much of it in me that I just had to put everything down for you, even my defenses. Yet here I am again, building every brick into isolation because no one was willing to fully dismantle it with me.
I wasn’t a girl that was forgotten. Because that would mean you had intentions of pursuing me but you were just busy or distracted, right? You just never really wanted me enough. It sounds harsh to say it like that but I guess it’s true and while it is, it broke me too — that I was never enough for you.
