DEJA WHAT

A recording studio in 1970. STEPHEN STILLS, GRAHAM NASH, DAVID CROSBY and NEIL YOUNG sit in a circle on stools holding guitars.

STEPHEN STILLS

Before we begin, I’d like to thank Neil, Graham, and David for being here today. It’s nice to be surrounded by fellow folk-rock luminaries.

GRAHAM NASH

Thanks Stephen. I was actually surprised to get the call.

STEPHEN STILLS

I bet you were. So, I was thinking we should take this album in a real rock direction. The 60s seem to be ending on an angry note. Let’s capture that.

DAVID CROSBY

I actually have a song about that. Here goes.

DAVID CROSBY rips into “Almost Cut My Hair.” Everyone is really impressed when it’s over.

STEPHEN STILLS

Wow, that is bold and strident. It’s exactly where we should be going. Neil, did you bring a song?

NEIL YOUNG

It’s a real honour to be able to share this with you guys.

NEIL YOUNG begins “Helpless.” STEPHEN STILLS becomes increasingly vexed as the song goes. Neil stops after a bit.

NEIL YOUNG (continued)

And that’s where you guys would come in on the harmonies.

DAVID CROSBY

Neil, I couldn’t help but notice that was a little slow and a little sad.

NEIL YOUNG

Right. Because it’s about childhood and family.

STEPHEN STILLS

Yeah, we totally get that. It’s great but it’s not quite what we were looking… nevermind. Graham?

GRAHAM NASH

Here’s a little something I’m very proud of.

GRAHAM NASH plays “Our House.” STEPHEN STILLS loses his shit.

STEPHEN STILLS

God dammit, Graham. Did you even pay attention to the memos? Are you our FUCKING Ringo?

GRAHAM NASH

That’s about the only song I got right now.

NEIL YOUNG

I like it.

DAVID CROSBY

Guys, even the Joni Mitchell song we’re doing is faster and harder than that.

GRAHAM NASH

That song is about Joni.

STEPHEN STILLS

You goddamn son of a bitch. I hate all of you. Neil, can’t you give us another “Cowgirl In The Sand” or something?

NEIL YOUNG

There’s this new thing. It’s a medley called “Country Girl.”

DAVID CROSBY

That sounds promising, let’s hear it.

NEIL YOUNG plays “Country Girl.” He gets interrupted.

STEPHEN STILLS

How did you manage to write something slower than Graham’s? That’s like some gothic choir shit. We are folk rockers. We bring rock into the folk world. That means uptempo tunes with aggressive tones. But no, I have to be stuck in a goddamn supergroup of GRANDMOTHERS.

DAVID CROSBY

Stephen; guys; I think I have a solution.

All the guys look to DAVID CROSBY. There’s a beat, then a knock at the door. David opens the door where a DRUG DEALER stands.

DRUG DEALER

Hi. I heard some guys were looking for some drugs?

STEPHEN STILLS/NEIL YOUNG/GRAHAM NASH

Hallelujah. You son of a bitch. Finally!

DAVID CROSBY

I think we’re gonna be OK.

The DRUG DEALER pulls out a bag and everyone gathers around.

THE END