This Isn’t a Political Post, But…

The last several days my social media feeds have been filled the responses and reactions to #TrumpTape. Men and women from the #NeverHillary camp sprung to action echoing the line of “locker room talk” and “boys being boys” while many of the men and women from the #NeverTrump camp responded with “Real men don’t say those things.” Even I responded with my own medium length Facebook post decrying the idea that dismissing this as “boys being boys” is ridiculous.

But…

What if we live in an America where this IS “boys being boys?” What if our culture DOES dismiss casual banter about sexual assault, accepting it as “locker room talk?”

I haven’t been in a locker room in a long time. In fact, I was homeschooled k-12 and my only “locker room” experience was spending a year on my local high school wrestling team. I can honestly say that I don’t remember anything we talked about in the locker room because as an outsider treated like an outsider I just wanted to get in and out as fast as possible. But this is what we’re told to believe passes for normal, acceptable behavior from dudes in the room.

For my college years I attended a independent fundamental baptist (IFB) school. During my time there I heard a lot of men speak on how we’re to honor the women in our lives and how the bible teaches men to do this. I have no doubt that “locker room talk” would be repudiated by every man who attended that school.

but…

We never spoke of respecting women. This might not make a lot of sense to you because honor is supposed to be (and is actually defined as) “high respect; esteem.” Unfortunately in my little IFB world honor was essentially a way of avoiding respect. Honor was a way to say “Hey, you’re valuable to me but I don’t really need to listen to your thoughts or feelings on a subject if it’s going to oppose what I believe, but I still think you’re really swell!” Respect was reserved as a spiritual exercise for women who were “obviously” seeking higher education as a means to earn their “Mrs. Degree.” Now in no way am I suggesting that this culture is just as bad or dangerous as one where men speak lightly of sexually assaulting women, or even that every guy I went to school with shared these feelings,

but…

I believe these two cultures start at the same place — the objectification women. Women are viewed as a commodity; a means to an end. They exists to be an aid to a man and his desires whether they be sexual, political, domestic, or ministerial. Any time a woman asserts herself she’s viewed as bossy, domineering, overbearing, or a nag. These same behaviors in a man are viewed as leadership, boldness, assertive, and drive.

So maybe I am saying that both these cultures, while not equally dangerous, are equally destructive. No, I don’t think a woman walking into my college would have been groped by some guy just because he felt like it, but they would have been silenced. I know this because when we sat in a circle talking about characteristics of a “godly woman” one of the upperclassmen (a star student) said rather emphatically that they should be “mute and cute.” I’d say he was kidding because everyone (including myself) laughed, but his suggestion made the list and he later defended it. I heard the leadership make fun of women who showed genuine skills as a leader or dismiss them altogether. I watched as guys would actively “shush” their girlfriends when they got too “mouthy.” I participated in that conversation about characteristics of a “godly woman” with my own sexist and demeaning jabs that to this day I’m still trying to flush out of my system.

It is time that we own the fact that this “locker room talk” is to some degree our own doing. It’s time to stop saying “I know that’s what they said, but…”