Living in a winter wonderland?

It’s snowing in Evanston.

I didn’t grow up in a place that ever snowed. (It never got cold enough. Tropical climates, okay?) This is my first ever snow season, and I thought I would write a couple of FAQ-style questions and answers that I thought of when I was trying to live with snow for the first time in my life.

What is snow?

Snow is precipitation in the form of small white ice crystals formed directly from the water vapor of the air at a temperature of less than 32°F (0°C) (Merriam-Webster definition).

What is snow, really?

Snow is cold, hard, white stuff that floats from the sky and hits your face and basically tries to kill you.

How do you live with snow?

Wear loads of layers of warm clothing. Snow boots, with high grip to avoid slipping on iced sidewalks, are essential. Thick wool socks are great. So are thick wool cloaks. While we’re at it, basically anything that’s thick wool and can wrap around your body to keep you warm and relatively dry is great.

How do you really live with snow?

Never go outside and just resign yourself to remaining a vampire/hermit until the white goes away and the sun returns in the spring.

Accept the inevitable truth that no matter what you do, the snow is going to find a way to force you to suffer for all the poor decisions you made in your life, like deciding to move to a place where it snows.

Do you want to build a snowman?

Yes.

Can you make a snowman?

No. Because the snow hates you, it’ll be cold outside, and there’ll be plenty of snow to make snowmen with — but the snow will be all mushy and icy and won’t stick together to make snowmen.

Either that, or the snow will be too soft and sticky, and when you’ve made a snowman, it collapses at the first opportunity. Snow hates you.

What do you do now?

Cry about the lack of any decent weather, wrap up warm, drink plenty of hot chocolate, and wait until the winter storm passes and proper weather is restored in March.

I don’t understand why I ever voluntarily agreed to live in this place. (Oh, yeah, a great university offered to let me study there. Hm.)