I’ve been practicing non-monogamy/polyamory for 7 years and none of the relationships I have are like this. And I think there are many monogamous relationships that can be just as toxic as this.
I feel like if we used Reddit’s relationships section as an example of whether or not monogamy ‘works’, we’d be drawn to the same conclusions we might be about polyamory based off shitty examples of how people do them. Relationship structures are only as good as the people in them. I don’t think there’s anything inherently about polyamory *or* monogamy that means that the relationship will be crappy or unequal — that’s the people involved.