I’d say no matter what happens success or abject failure it changes the relationship fundamentally.
Clinton Lewis
1

Of course it changes the relationship fundamentally.

But so do a lot of other things like moving in together, sharing a mortgage, having children, growing old, suffering an accident, illness or developing a disability. All relationships change over time.

In fact, if you’re decent human beings you will change and grow over time in ways that my alter your relationship fundamentally.

The expectation a relationship will always remain the same is one of those harmful ideas society perpetuates about monogamy that is actually considerably harmful for people in monogamous relationships as well. All folks would do well to not expect their relationships to remain the same for the rest of their lives because that’s just not how life works.

Edit: So Clinton’s responded to me but then blocked me. Here’s the response:

I understand the underlying point but most people accept the these things as part of life. Couples expect certain things to stay the same and that’s generally because they do. Sexual orientation, monogamy, kids, these things are pretty steady. While they can change they usually don’t. I know people who it has changed for but the vast majority don’t waver a lot between the boundaries.

While things change and people grow there are a number of things that are no go’s for most people. Sleeping around is one of them, changing your sex would be another. It’s simply unrealistic to think that your mate of several years is going to be thrilled that change tossed into their lives.

And my response is that it’s laughable to think people accept disability or illness as a part of life. People, especially cisgender heterosexual people, rarely expect their sex lives to change in ways that growing old often changes them. And my experience of this comes from being in sex advice communities for ages and from being in disability communities.

I’ve also seen plenty of people in couples change their mind on kids completely and I think more people change their minds after they’ve had kids than realistically want to admit. I think this is a lot more flexible than we’d like to think. But then, this is part of the entire fake veil of monogamy’s ‘security’ that I was talking about.

Society sells monogamy as ‘secure’ and people believe it. But it’s simply not as secure as we’d like it to believe.

And sorry but ‘sleeping around’ and ‘changing your sex’ are pretty archaic ways of describing people both discovering they aren’t living a life that reflects the reality of who they are.

It’s very realistic to believe your mate of several years could change suddenly.

And if more monogamous people opened their mind to this reality, then perhaps divorces wouldn’t be so incredibly traumatising.

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