Farty bastards and their marketing

I work in the watch industry. I’m the young, disruptive rebel archetype in the picture and if nothing else, I can tell you that the old, ivory tower bastards are ruining everything. Industry reports are released several times/year and there’s a singular narrative — failure. Well, actually, they’re still making fortunes but each quarter, their sales are declining instead of increasing. So, when their target for Q3 is a 4% increase but instead, Q3 is down 5% from the prior, they’re 9% in the red. So although they’re still turning profit, they’re hemorrhaging. Follow?

I can't be wrong, I have a yacht

Negative reenforcement has created this monster. The exec’s, the ladies and gentlemen in charge of growing these hundred million (when not billion) dollar companies are already rich. In fact, most are filthy rich. So, since they’ve already reached enormous financial success, and they have salaries that only secure it, they’ve become removed from the actual market — their eye of the tiger is Moe Greene’ed. And the worst part is this: they’re in their positions of power because, once upon a time, they understood exactly what their market wanted — they just never evolved. What I’d like to say to these ladies and gentlemen who so adamantly dedicate millions to magazine ad’s over anything relevant is this: Evolve, you owe it to everyone who relies on your company — owner and employee alike.

Say ‘apple watch’ one more time

Instead of auditing their models and actually giving a shit about how the consumers want to be sold to, they stick their head in the sand and cry Apple Watch. Has the Apple Watch taken some of your market share? Sure, that’s life. But there are two kinds of people that bought the Apple Watch. First, the people who give a shit about tech — they were never your customer and you're probably never going to get their $800, I don’t blame you. Second, the “eh, why not?” people — the consumers who, because you didnt give them a good enough reason not to, spent their watch allowance with Apple. That person, who I think is way more popular than the first, is your fault. Apple didn't steal them, you just didn't care to earn them. Children make unfounded excuses, grow up.

Get your own damn coffee

Kids know how to do stuff. In fact, they hold the key to your market relevance (and financial welfare.) Young interns, the ones you make file bullshit, fetch chocolate for clients and stir your coffee, know what the f*ck snapchat is. They understand how to build a substantial instagram following, write a meaningful Medium post and optimize a Facebook ad (and if they don't, they’ll figure it out before your long winded email lands.) These kids know where time is being spent, how to grab consumers attention and, when the time is right, cash in and convert that attention to market equity. And since you're in an industry that is equally as stubborn as you are, the opportunity is enormous — it’s all for the taking. But if you think banner ad’s still work and interns are perfect for errands, you deserve quarter over quarter depression of sales.

The Man,

I hope they stick it to you.