This is why polyamorists often have a dedicated “primary” who serves that role, while their other lovers serve as adventure, romance, and variety.
In Romantic Relationships, You’re Either a Spark-Chaser or a Long Burner.
Sara Lynn Michener
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On the one hand, I’m thinking “finally, someone admits that secondaries are worthless” — on the other, I’m glad you don’t have any secondaries hanging around to read that.

— Six Years of Poly, Got Sick Of Being “Variety”