Is Being Right Worth The Price?
After settling in the aftermath of a dramatic exchange of back-and-forth texts or heated discussion, albeit from a significant other, friend or family member, we’re often burdened with the annoyance of what we should have said, even hours after the fact.
What’s worse, it creeps under the skin like an itch waiting to be scratched and, when allowed, emerges in the form of, “And another thing!” or “I just think it’s funny how…”
However, it’s seldom for the sake of resolution. Whether it’s a snarkier reply, a more calculated insult or harder-hitting exposé, we tend to sickly relish in teetering on the edge of being just a bit more hurtful, cynical or sarcastic.
Why do we feel the need to compete in an endless tug-of-war of who has more justification for being hurtful? Why are we so willing to do or say whatever necessary to come out the victor? Is the need to be right ruining our chances of being happy?
When we argue, the body literally senses the stress of the situation. Physically, the heart rate increases, muscles tense and internal systems are activated. During this process, the mind and body psychologically feel like they’re under attack, compromising the ability to problem solve and rationalize.
Obviously, this is less than ideal for a peaceful exchange.
As if on cue, the ego steps in. The ego, also known as pride, self-esteem and flat-out emotions, along with other factors like attachment styles and coping mechanisms, play an integral role in our defense system. Dependent on the host’s mindset, the ego is our protector, a shield against anyone that aims to hurt our carefully crafted persona.
Humans are naturally attached to their opinions. The ego reinforces these perspectives and tucks them into bed every night, bringing them the comfort of reassurance like it’s a glass of water.
At the same time that we are attached to our opinions, we also hold on and act on the need to be right by any means necessary. Not only does this lead to emotional exhaustion, guilt and remorse, but also a sever of trust for the involved parties.
In the midst of an argument, we stand at a crossroads, even if it’s just in the subconscious: being right or being happy.
When a quarter is flipped to make a decision, in the moment the answer is either heads or tails. While one can spend hours deciding on what they want the “right” outcome to be, at the end of the day it still equals .25 cents.
The same can be said for the outcome of a disagreement. Each participant is fighting for their side of the coin to be called without realizing that both sides still add to .25 cents.
An argument occurs when one or both person’s needs are not being met. Contemporary standards often point conflict resolution to be solved through cancel culture or the practice of “cutting someone off.”
Many simply don’t realize that each participant is part of a greater team against the problem and the right vs. wrong dilemma only leads to increased tension and power struggle.
When two people are defending their opinion, the facts can get distorted. We get caught up being on the defensive team, leaving the true story to become lost. Worst of all, we don’t realize that two truths can still be right. So where does the resolution come in?
Some people may think “keeping the peace” consists of sweeping the issue under the rug for the sake of avoiding a heated exchange. The problem with this is that tensions are left to brew for the next argument. Instead, the issue must be approached in a matter that focuses on resolution, rather than the concept of winning.
It’s important to be heard at work, the dinner table and areas in between. But giving others the opportunity to be heard should not go overlooked. Within reason, backing off and actively choosing a more peaceful approach can increase the chances of a raised consciousness, more open mind and even a new sense of confidence and wisdom.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of a heated discussion, remember that there can be two true sides to the story. Is being “right” really worth potentially damaging a relationship? Is it truly imperative to the situation that you say something that can’t be taken back?
Though being right is an ideal that is reinforced with years of being told to stand up, defend yourself and, let’s face it, receive a sense of personal satisfaction in the face of the most wounded, being happy is another thing entirely. It’s time to detach from the idea that reaching “peace” can only be done once someone is acknowledged as “right.”
Right?
