A Letter to Anti-Trans Parents

Dear anti-trans parents who claim that their children “stopped being trans” because you didn’t support it/convinced them otherwise:

Your child is most likely still trans, but they’ve come to learn that you cannot be trusted and that LYING IS SAFER than telling you the truth.

While some children might be trying to figure out their gender and realize they’re cis, if a child comes out to you and you tell them you don’t support them and make their living situation hostile and toxic, they will quickly learn that your love is conditional. Your child will learn that what they are feeling and who they are is so anathema to you that if they want your love they need to lie and pretend to be something they’re not.

They will internalize this pain and distrust.
They will learn that lying = safety.

Many of the people who come out later in life realized they were trans early on but their parents were like you, hostile and willing to essentially torture your child until they conformed. This can cause numerous psychological issues that will take YEARS to deal with. You are quite literally telling your child that you would rather see them suffer for years and deal with an internal torment and crisis that can and will manifest in numerous detrimental ways…rather than dealing with your own issues and loving your child regardless of gender.

Your refusal to support them isn’t going to “cure” them of being transgender, it won’t make them “realize” that they’re being tricked by some sort of contagion that is spreading transness to children. When you invalidate them you are showing them that you don’t love them. You are telling your child that you won’t love them again until they are what you want them to be.

So let me break this down for you:

Gender is not contagious, your kid isn’t going to “become trans” by being around other trans people or by looking up information about gender online.
While some kids may realize they aren’t transgender, letting them explore and question is the healthy option, not enforcing your own views on them of who you think they should be.

Your child is watching you, and they will learn just how conditional your love is. They will remember the pain, even if they hide behind a smile and tell you they’re no longer trans.