The Mortal Enemy of the Horse

Ok so lemme tell you about this crazy 72 hours I’ve had.

Friday, I went on a trail with my trainer Johanna, and another rider, Sam.

They put me on Elijah, a spooky chestnut who hates having his ears touched because when he was a baby, he had mites and he was given ear drops. Now whenever someone comes near his ears, he tosses his head into your chest and tries to run away.

We decided to do the Lollipop trail — a 7 mile loop with 13 water crossings.

Yes. Today was gonna be the day we were going to teach Elijah how to be comfortable with water — the mortal enemy of the horse.

After a long, sauntering (nay, running in place and dragon snorting prancercise) jaunt towards the first crossing, clearly Elijah was super relaxed… if frothing at the mouth and covered in terror sweat is relaxed.

Um also, because of the rain, he hadn’t been ridden in a month.

So we approach the water and Toni, the lead horse, walks through like a dainty little king.

Elijah, seeing Toni do this, walks up to it and as soon as he puts his hoof in the water and REALIZES IT’S WET, his inner monologue must have been

“holy shit have no idea how deep his is. it could be 74’ deep. i could be swallowed up by it and never see the light of day again. CANT GO THROUGH IT MUST GO OVER IT”

And proceeds with the most impala like leap over the 3’ wide stream I’ve ever seen/felt.

He lands with a thud, my teeth jostle around in my gums a bit, and we’re off again.

We repeat this pattern over the next 4 crossings, and I’m finally kind of getting used to this leaping pegasus of a donkey.

Well.

Until the next water crossing.

We approach the stream and it is CLEARLY way too wide for him to make it in one leap… but he doesn’t know this yet.

So he gets to the water’s edge, and in historical fashion, PROPELS his entire body as far as he can across the stream. And guess what?

He lands in water.

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS ENDING.

Im not sure how he managed to leap straight up AND forward at the same time, but he completed a very merry go round pirouette of athletic improbability.

We’re about halfway done with the ride and this poor guy’s brain is totally toast.

OH BUT IT GETS WORSE

We get to the next crossing and on the other side, there’s a father and his 10 year old son mountain biking. they see us and do the most responsible thing i’ve seen anyone do all day: get off their bikes and stand to the side to let us cross.

They watch with fascination, trepidation, and a little glee at this delightful parade of horses they’ve stumbled across on their ride.

Toni goes into the water first, and Elijah, scared to go, but realizing he might get left behind, charges towards the water. As soon as he sees it, he leaps forward, lands in the water, gets terrified that his feet are wet, and then leaps across again.

But as soon as he leaps, the most ungodly terror of the universe happens: HE SEES SOMETHING NEW.

OH MY GOD ITS BIKES.

And he comes to a dead halt, snorting at these two wheeled metal monsters.

Well, silly ol me, since i’ve been preparing myself for hurling launches over water crossings this whole time, i’m in perfect position for our historic forward momentum.

So I’m not ready for this dead stop.

And I do a complete somersault over his shoulder and land like a turtle right on my back.

Realizing my horse is loose, scared, and inches from trampling me, i don’t have time to give myself the “is my neck broken?” once over.

I pop right up like a little groundhog and run after this loose horse.

I catch him and turn to see the look of fear on this poor little boy’s face.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong!” I reassure him

And to prove that everything is right in the universe, I shove a leg into the stirrup and swing my leg over his back. I pet Elijah, tell him he’s a good boy (at this point I’m not sure if I’m saying this to the kid, the horse, or myself) and off we ride another 6 miles like it was fucking nothing.

Surprisingly, my body was okay. I didn’t get the wind knocked out of me, and I didn’t hurt or break anything.

I landed square on my backpack (thanks Camelback!) and my helmet, and I guess landing evenly dispersed enough of the impact that I was okay.

Which is fantastic because I had a 6 hour workout planned for the next day.

A fun story I’ll tell you about soon!

With lots of love and healthy bones,

Molly

PS: If you want some live action stories, you have 2 chances to come do yoga with me this month! Put these on your calendar:

Tuesday March 19 at 6:45pm at Working Body. You can sign up here.

or

Friday March 29 at 7:30pm at Flying Studios