An open relationship can help bridge the gap

Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

Twenty-five years ago, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. It’s become so ubiquitous that you probably know your love language even if you’ve never heard of Chapman.

My husband, Liam, and I quickly discovered that, for all our similarities, we speak different languages when it comes to love.

For him, words of affirmation make him feel seen and appreciated. And he doesn’t want general words like, “I love you” or “You’re so sexy” (which are the words I tend to use). He wants to hear specifics. Why, exactly, do you love me? What, in particular…

How Non-Monogamy Helps Ease the Fear of Mid-life

Photo by Jenny Marvin on Unsplash

There’s a desperation that comes with getting older, an increasingly insistent sense that time is running out. You wake up one morning and realize, odds are, your best days are behind you.

Some call this desperation a mid-life crisis, which seems too dismissive. It’s more a reckoning. In the urgency to do the things you’ve always wanted to do before it’s too late, people make bucket lists, leave unhappy marriages and jobs, take expensive trips all to try and feel more alive. None of this is trivial.

The fact is, time is finite. That realization sometimes hits me hard. My…

Raising Boys as a Non-Monogamous Feminist

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As a sex-positive, feminist mom of two boys, my parenting philosophy can be summed up in one not-so-simple commandment: Respect your Kids.

From the time they were brand new, I felt a deep responsibility to shape these tiny future men into people I could be proud of. And the lessons had to start long before the topic of sex ever came up. If what I want most from men is to be respected, I reasoned, I first have to be intentional about modeling what respect looks and feels like for my kids.


Here’s how my respect for my sons turns…

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My initial trip to a lifestyle resort brought more firsts than I was ready for

By: Kate Monogamish

Bubbles poured in endless streams from above our heads into the giant inflatable pool below. Little clumps of iridescent foam broke off and floated up into the dancing strobe lights. Revelers who had come in bathing suits and lingerie quickly lost their inhibitions along with their clothes and joined the naked, slippery mass of hedonistic guests writhing in time to the music.

This was my first foam party.

My husband and I were dancing, our height keeping us safely above the chest-deep suds that threatened to drown others. Hands and bare bottoms frequently brushed against me in…

While my husband waited downstairs

(Photo property of the authors)

KATE: I was deep into post-holiday work mode when a text message lit up my phone.

Happy holidays gorgeous. Hope you are keeping well and had a lovely Christmas😚 Would love to cross paths some time.

I got messages like this every few months from Justin, a friend we met four years ago. He was the first single male we ever connected with online and deemed worthy of a date, and he’s still the only man I’ve met through a web site that I’ve had sex with. We’ve been on the once-a-year plan ever since, but we had somehow missed…

Consider planning your post-Covid vacation now

Kate taking in the best view of the beach (photo property of the authors)

KATE: One of our big disappointments with the Covid-19 pandemic was the necessity of cancelling our 2020 vacation plans. We had been looking forward to trips to Greece and Miami, but the one that hurt the most was cancelling our annual week long stay at Hedonism in Jamaica. This would have been our 11th visit.

LIAM: But we are hoping next year will be different, and we’re already starting to think about our 2021 vacation plans. Maybe you are, too. If you are, you should consider a visit to the place we’ve come to think of as a second home.

After months of forced monogamy, these swingers were eager to play

(Photo property of the authors)

KATE: The last few months have been some of the strangest of our lives. The COVID-19 pandemic has effectively shut down the world. For many of us, it’s been the most concentrated time we’ve ever spent at home with our partners. And, as people who have been non-monogamous since the very beginning of our relationship, it’s the longest we’ve ever been sexually exclusive.

LIAM: To keep things interesting, we experimented with new toys, bondage, and afternoon massages during those long months of lockdown. …

When it comes to sexual athleticism, there’s nothing like it

Liam, Kate, and their friend (photo property of the authors)

KATE: If there were ever a sexual Olympics (and there should be — imagine the advertising dollars!), one of the premier events would most certainly be the double-penetration. When it comes to adventurousness and athleticism, there’s no sex act like it.

LIAM: If someone had asked me two years ago, I would have guessed you would never enter the DP event. You haven’t been a big fan of anal sex in the past, so the idea of adding a significant degree of difficulty to something you already feel lukewarm about just didn’t seem likely to happen.

KATE: I haven’t been…

Two swingers look back on a time when sexy gatherings were still possible

Kate and her friend Colin in the infinity pool at the country retreat (photo property of the authors)

Perhaps the biggest social impact of the coronavirus pandemic has been the cancellation of large gatherings. Schools, churches and sporting events have all been affected, but fringe groups are feeling it, too, like the non-monogamy community we are part of. As swingers, we love to congregate in like-minded groups, and social distancing would just ruin the fun. So, until that becomes possible again, we are looking back on that faraway time (i.e. last year) when we found ourselves with a single, extraordinary month of back-to-back-to-back-to-back sexy gatherings to enjoy.


LIAM: A good friend of…

We threw away the rule book to redefine fidelity

The authors in Nice, France (photo property of the authors, taken by Rebecca Marshall)

KATE: It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that the ideal of wedded bliss is broken. For years, marriage rates have been declining and divorce rates have been rising. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, national surveys indicate that 35 percent of married women and 45 percent of married men have had sexual and/or emotional affairs.

In her book Mating in Captivity, psychotherapist Esther Perel wrote, “despite the fact that monogamy is a ship sinking faster than anyone can bail it out, we continue to cling to the wreckage with absolute faith in its structural soundness”…

Kate Monogamish

Wildly in love wife and mom, unapologetic bisexual and free spirit. Half of the consensually non-monogamous couple who write The Monogamish Marriage blog.

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