Share quality time as a couple so as not to become simple roommates
Sharing quality time as a couple shouldn’t be exclusively reserved for young couples. This time shared between lovers is essential: it is also one of the five love languages.
Unfortunately, over the years of a relationship, sharing moments just as a couple becomes more and more rare for many lovers.
They are overwhelmed by the demands of daily life, constraints, and stress... and without even realizing it, they risk slipping into a relationship of simple cohabitation. This can be a real source of suffering for spouses.
However, there is no inevitability to this: taking time for your relationship, and sharing an activity as a couple, is a choice (and a real need). These constraints must certainly be taken into account, such as work or family life, but they can be consciously prioritized.
Spending quality time as a couple: what it is not
Being physically in the same place does not mean sharing a moment
Do you spend time together?
If you live under the same roof, you may be tempted to say that the answer is obvious: of course you spend time together!
Mathematically, yes, it is true.
But is this time qualitative, or does it boil down to “management” time? Taking care of the children, eating meals quickly together, running into each other?
Being physically together does not necessarily mean truly spending a moment of complicity together; this is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship.
The risk to avoid: becoming simple roommates
Living together does not equate to sharing quality moments and nurturing emotional bonds.
For example, that's not sharing a moment:
1. Only discuss “practical” themes, home management, children, etc.
2. Eat all your meals together in front of the TV
3. Scrolling on your phone while your partner talks about their day…
4. Have the feeling of being only a parental couple and no longer a loving couple
Do you see yourself in some of these descriptions?
Do not panic! If they are not careful, many couples, in the context of a long-term relationship, will go through one or more phases where they are nothing more than “roommates”. Or co-household managers. Or co-parents. Particularly during periods of intense life, with the arrival of young children for example.
1. Becoming aware of it is the first step to changing the situation if it does not suit you.
2. The second step: have a real conversation to put this primordial need for sharing back at the heart of your life.
Spending quality time as a couple: why it’s important
Essential quality moments at the start of a relationship…
At the beginning of a romantic relationship, almost 100% of the time you spend together is quality time: endless discussions on the couch, a long walk hand in hand,
That's what lives most of the couples who form.
Then over time, these moments can become more spaced out, without us realizing it. We end up writing to each other only to ask to pick up the bread.
Now these moments, so present at the beginning, were precious: they allowed you to discover yourself, to create a real connection, to associate the notion of pleasure with your relationship... and to lay the foundations of a happy couple.
…and just as much after years of living together
The mistake is to believe that once this phase of seduction is over, they are no longer so necessary. It's quite the opposite!
They are the foundation of a solid and fulfilling relationship, allowing you to be happy as a couple and keep the flame alive.
Indeed, they are essential for:
1. Strengthening your relationship, by recognizing that it is a priority for each of you. Saying it is one thing, showing it concretely by devoting time to it is another, all the more important.
2. You rediscover and develop communication and complicity: even after 10 years of living together, you don’t know everything about each other! Being in a relationship means remaining curious about each other as at the beginning, discussing your personal developments.
NB: these moments are all the more important in times of relationship difficulties or when communication has broken down. They allow us to stay in touch despite difficulties.
3. Have fun and create shared memories as a couple.
4. Continue to seduce each other, maintain the desire. And consider that nothing is taken for granted, that the couple requires a permanent investment to maintain and develop intimacy. When you think about it, doesn’t it seem crazy to you to invest so much in your professional life and sometimes so little in the central relationship of your life?
The couples who last happily are the couples who have decided to make their relationship a priority, and to roll up their sleeves for it.
The strength of the couple does not only come through major commitments but also above all through the small acts of everyday life.
