Day by day, me and millions of other pedophiles resist the urges. Some because of fear of punishment, some for moral reasons, some days it’s almost not even present, some other days it makes many of us nauseated and we break down in tears. That’s a cold hard fact. I resist them because I can’t stand the suffering of children. You hear whispers about places, hidden on the web, where some pro-contact pedophiles and actual child molesters gather and share pornographic content about children. Children they refer to as „sluts”, jerking off to images and videos of rape, torture, maybe even murder. You better believe those whispers, ’cause they’re out there. And the ones, who follow them, deceive themselves the same way: that just looking at it won’t hurt anyone. Pro-contact pedophiles have little or no understanding of what damages can their “innocent little games” do to a child’s psychosexual development and how they could damage her trust in adults and men for good. They think in “consensual”, non-violent cases, societies attitude is solely responsible for traumatizing the child. But oversexualization is just as harmful as shaming a child for touching herself and making masturbation look as something dirty or against god. I believe in every one of you pro-contacts as well, that you can change your views for the better and no, you shouldn’t hate yourselves for what you are, and no, your desires do not make you morally corrupt, but the heart is a battlefield and like it or not, children are the casualties!
And to you, average reader: I don’t care if you trust me or not, if you believe me that I’m not gonna become one of them tomorrow, or remain skeptical and reserve the right for an „I told you so, creep!”. It would make my job easier if you’d consider me a fellow human being, but in the end, this is MY fight, and I’m going to fight it with or without you. And yes, sometimes we all need support, especially while struggling with depression and anxiety and self-hate and feeling of terrible isolation. And I’m going to get my support from people like me, who know what it’s like to struggle, even if our desires and suffering are the only things that makes us alike. And you can point fingers and make threats to your invisible enemies without making us allies, you can call us monsters and equate us with child molesters, but the fact remains that more or less we are the ones, who decide if the next child will grow up healthy or as an emotional wreck. If someone really puts his mind into harming a child, you and all the authorities and child protection services of the world could not be enough to stop him in time. You should be angry. Yes, you should. And despite all the hate and distrust you spew at us, many of us decide each and every day, that validating your fears and preconceptions by living up to this culture’s standards of self-realization, (by achieving sexual pleasure and the ecstasy of love), DOES NOT WORTH IT if it costs just one teardrop from the eyes of a child.
Maybe, just maybe… there’s a common ground here. Maybe having fantasies, like every other human being is not as harmful as yelling out to a hidden minority (in which many live with traumas and mental health issues) that what they do now doesn’t matter, that what they believe in doesn’t matter, that their best efforts don’t worth shit, because they’re „ticking time bombs”. Maybe your unconditional distrust puts children in harm’s way. Because I can guarantee you, that even those asshats, who spend their time raping little kids, even they started out as frightened young boys and girls, who just wanted to do the right thing and a chance for dignity, to be able to be good enough. To live without shame and guilt for how they feel and still act responsibly. Did they fail? Yes. But did you give them a chance? The benefit of the doubt? Will you do that to the generation of misfits who’ll come after us? I will. And remember: if your kid ever turns out to be a pedophile, he or she will have people, who’ll believe in his / her goodness, and „feed the right wolf” as they say. Will you be one of them?