I was always convinced that there’s not a single person alive that’s more important to me than my family and my partner in life. They mean the world to me.
I love them more than anything, more than anyone else in this world. I don’t think I can put it any simpler than that.
However, this letter is not for any of them. As a matter of fact, this letter has nothing to do with them. I couldn’t admit it until now but there’s actually someone I love even more.
And this isn’t a mushy love letter either, if you couldn’t tell that right off the bat.
Similar to most open letters you will find on the internet, this letter is nothing but a short list of complaints written in a civilized and collected manner with all the intentions to appeal to, if not touch the heart of whomever it is addressed to. In this case, the person I never knew I loved the most.
The only person that can lie to my face and easily get away with it.
The only person that can make me give up on my dreams, effortlessly.
The only person that can take everything I have, in a heartbeat.
The one person who, time and time again, proved to be more important to me than those I hold dearest in my heart.
Simply put, the person I gave the most fucks about. The most important person in the world. And that person is you, it was you all along.
If I were keeping score of all the fucks I’ve ever given to every person that’s been part of my life, no doubt you’ll be on top. The fucks I’ve given to you are off the charts.
Every decision I had to make, every fork in the road I had to go through, every yes or no, every time I had to fucking choose which burger to order, it was always you I had to consider. Can you even imagine how important you are to me?
This has to be the most cliched thing I’ll ever write my entire life but I feel like I love you so much that I’m starting to hate it.
No, I already hate it.
And have been ashamed, and scared of it for a long time now.
I’ve been scared to face truths that have always been in front of me, ready to punch me in the face as soon as I looked them in the eye or even caught a glimpse of what they represent.
But today, they decided they had to punch me already. And boy they don’t pull any punches.
Truth bastards.
The truth that you’ve already forgotten what it takes to build and keep lasting relationships. Come to think of it, did you ever really know in the first place?
(A punch in the face for that.)
The truth that you stopped acknowledging your own mistakes. Worse, you no longer learn from them. Or even worse than that, you stopped making mistakes, at all.
(Another punch in the face for that.)
The truth that you’ve become too comfortable of who you are that you’ve lost sight of who you can still be.
(And another one.)
The truth that you’ve changed so much…. that you no longer desire to change at all.
(Ooh that one must have hurt.)
Because you believe — no, you know that people around you will put up with you and stay no matter what.
But the real kicker is you fancy that you deserve it.
The truth is, you don’t.
(A freakin’ kick in the balls.)
But no one’s going to tell you that. They love you so much. You’re the golden boy. That’s what you heard from people. Or maybe that’s just what you made out of what you heard. But you know sometimes you don’t hear things clearly.
Most times you don’t listen enough.
And that’s exactly why I’m writing you.
But don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you’re in a danger zone of some sort, on the edge of messing up your life or anybody else’s for that matter. You’re not even remotely close to that. Paradoxically, you barely make it out your comfort zone anymore.
You can’t stay there forever. Trust me, you wouldn’t want that either.
You’re still young. You’ve got years, even decades ahead of you. You’ve got a long road of learning for you to start making your way through (again). And wonderful people to meet at every stop and maybe even take with you on your journey (metaphorically, obviously).
See, you can still improve on a lot of things and that is the point. All I want is for you to finally flip the switch and be free from the shackles and chains you grew fond of wearing as if they define who you are.
When deep down, you know they are slowing you down, if not holding you back entirely.
Holding you back from taking the first step.
Holding you back from being free.
Holding you back from becoming who you really want to be. Regardless if you already figured that out.
A long time ago no shackles or chains or bars could ever slow you down, let alone hold you back. Not even video games could hold you back. Not even failure. Not even me.
Until one day you just sat on your hands, legs crossed and told me
“Ah, you know, I’m on a really good spot right now. I hope this lasts”.
Then the switch disappeared. You stopped looking for it. At one point you didn’t even remember it existed.
I wrote this letter to remind you that the switch is in your hands and that you were sitting on it the whole time.
And to kick you in the balls so you move your fucking ass off and flip the fucking switch.
.
Forever yours,
Yourself
I live inside the quiet and solace of my own head but I like to take walks from time to time just to make sure I don’t lose my mind.
Medium is that really nice park just one block away where I can have short walks of escapism and hopefully meet wonderful people trying to escape their own minds too.
So if you see me roaming around, saying hi would make my day. Following me will not creep me out, I promise. So please do!
And please recommend ❤ if you truly enjoyed what you read.
Regardless, thanks for reading!
