How to Keep a Gambling Problem under Control over the Long Term (by a Recovering Problem Gambler)

Most recent major update: May 4, 2022

Introduction:

This guide is titled “How to keep a gambling problem under control over the long term”, not “How to cure a gambling problem”. Similarly, even though I am now close to being 3 years gamble-free, with pretty much zero disturbance from gambling-related thoughts or urges, I still (and always will) describe myself as “a recovering problem gambler”, not “a recovered problem gambler”.

The reason for these choices of words is to reflect an important truth about problem gambling and problem gamblers, which is that no amount of time spent away from gambling can help a problem gambler acquire the control needed to gamble responsibly. As soon as we believe we have such control and dip our toes into gambling again, we are just a short step away from losing everything again. In this particular respect, problem gambling has no cure.

Of course, the fact that problem gambling has no cure in this particular respect does not mean that you are doomed to living a miserable life. To the contrary, you can live just as good a life as any non-problem gambler: you just need to always stay away from gambling (which is obviously easier said than done, hence the existence of this guide). Indeed, the longer you remain gamble-free, the weaker and less frequent your tormenting urges to gamble will become, until one day, they will completely disappear, save for those associated with (unforeseen) “triggers”. I am a good case in point. As a problem gambler, this is really as good an outcome as I could have hoped for.

What I have been able to achieve (so far) is keep my gambling problem under control — asleep, if you will. Put in more practical terms, I have been able to prevent further relapses. And, soon enough, my life went from one defined by constant stress, regret, self-hatred, extreme irritableness, mental and physical exhaustion, a-desire-to-die, strained relationships, no direction, health problems, etc., to the one I am living today: happy, fulfilled, fairly healthy and thriving. You can achieve the same. It all begins with preventing further relapses.

Of course, when we have relapsed over and over again, preventing the next relapse can seem like an impossible task. However, with the right approach and the willingness to do what it takes, it can certainly be done. That’s what this guide is here to help you with. It contains the wisdom that helped me get to where I am today and that continues to help me stay on the right path. I thus strongly encourage you to read this guide carefully. I promise you that you’ll be glad that you did.

Here’s the roadmap for what’s to come. This guide consists of 5 sections. In Section 1, I discuss two common, but ineffective approaches to preventing further relapses: relying on willpower/discipline and relying on motivation.

Next, I turn to the approach that’s been working for me, which is comprised of both a strategic component (Section 2) and a knowledge component (Section 3). Thus, in Section 2, I share with you the strategy that I have found to be indispensable for preventing further relapses: putting in place effective barriers. And in Section 3, I share with you several important insights, many of which are also indispensable for preventing further relapses. This is because having these insights will enable you to 1) prevent the onset of many gambling urges that would otherwise occur and to 2) better respond to those urges that do occur. In these two ways, insights complement effective barriers, where the latter works by 3) preventing us from acting on even our strongest urges as well as on those weaker urges that we initially fail to respond well to, because, say, we have temporarily forgotten our insights.

As you’ll see in Section 3, I have structured my discussion of these important insights around 12 common causes of relapse and how best to deal with each. The 12 common causes of relapse are as follows:

1) Having the feeling that we’ll be able to control ourselves the next time we gamble.
2) Having the feeling that we’re going to win the next time we gamble.
3) Unable to come to terms with our past losses/a strong desire to break-even.
4) Attracted by the potential for quick and easy riches.
5) Unable to come to terms with “missed out gains”.
6) Getting complacent or confident after making some progress in recovery.
7) Unresolved issues in our life that we use gambling to cope with/escape from.
8) Feelings of boredom or emptiness/meaninglessness.
9) Not knowing what our personal triggers are, or knowing what they are but not proactively protecting ourselves against them.
10) Not noticing when our sick brain is trying to convince us to gamble again.
11) Believing that gambling makes us happy (even if just briefly).
12) Not learning from past relapses (or forgetting the learnings). Relatedly, doing the same thing yet expecting a different result.

As you read through my discussion of each of these causes of relapse, you will come to acquire all the important insights that helped me get to where I am today.

Next, in Section 4, I explain why a problem gambler cannot keep any gambling in their life. Finally, in Section 5, I discuss the long-term outlook for someone who is able to stay clean from gambling, answering questions like, “Will the urges eventually go away? Will I be able to come to terms with my past losses? Will I stop feeling guilt or regret?”

Before we jump in, a few quick notes: First, I have bolded certain phrases to make this guide easier to navigate. Second, I mostly write in terms of ‘we’ and ‘us’ as opposed to ‘you’ or ‘I’, since we’re all problem gamblers here. Third, I encourage you to bookmark this guide, because a) you may need multiple sittings to finish it, b) many of the points I make here are worth re-visiting periodically (to guard against forgetting), and c) you will be able to benefit from any further improvements I make to this guide, even though it’s in a very polished state already. Finally, feel free to skip around. For example, if you’re mostly interested in learning about the common causes of relapse, you can start with Section 3.

Let’s jump in!

Section 1: Two common, but ineffective approaches to preventing further relapses

One common, but ineffective approach to preventing/avoiding further relapses is relying primarily on our willpower/discipline. It is ineffective for two reasons:

First, how much willpower we have at any given moment depends on many factors, many of which are beyond our control, such as our current mood, our stress level, how tired we are, how well we slept the night before, how much willpower we’ve already used up earlier in the day, etc. Sure, there might be days where you’ve been able to resist your urge to gamble, but that does not mean you can consistently resist your urges. And this is precisely because your amount of willpower is affected by a slew of factors, and so it fluctuates over time since these factors change over time. Indeed, as you’ve likely experienced, a poor night’s sleep or a bad day at work or simply being in a tired state can significantly weaken your willpower. You’ve also likely experienced the following: you’re able to resist an urge for a few days or maybe even a week, but eventually, the urge just gets the better of you. This could be because your “willpower muscle” has become exhausted from constant use without enough time to recover. (For those of you interested in reading about the science of willpower, see “The Willpower Instinct” by Kelly McGonigal).

Second, the urge to gamble can simply be irresistible at times, especially when we’re just starting out on our journey to quit gambling. You’ve likely had experience of this too.

Thus, for these two independent reasons, relying primarily on willpower simply does not work, especially not over the long term. Unfortunately, most problem gamblers learn this fact/lesson the hard way. They give themselves chance after chance after chance. Eventually, they learn this lesson, but at the enormous cost of going through many relapses and all the associated suffering. For those of you who still haven’t fully learned this lesson, I hope the explanations I gave above (as to why relying on willpower simply doesn’t work) convinces you of its truth so that you know a different approach is needed.

An obstacle that some problem gamblers face in coming to accept this lesson is their ego. It hurts our ego to admit that we are not strong enough to control our gambling/resist our gambling urges. So, for some of us, it’s only after we get beat onto our arms and knees, brought to “rock bottom”, that we come to accept this lesson. For some of us, even at rock bottom, our ego prevents us from accepting this lesson and so we continue to rely only on our willpower, refusing to admit that our willpower just isn’t enough despite all the evidence. And so we sink further and further. But things don’t have to be this way. And by becoming consciously aware of the obstacle our ego presents to our recovery, we are in a better position to suppress our ego and humbly acknowledge the fact that solely relying on our willpower just isn’t going to cut it. And once we do, a better approach becomes available to us.

Another common, but ineffective approach to preventing further relapses is relying primarily on feeling motivated (i.e., motivation). Many of us probably had moments when we felt really motivated to quit gambling for good. Perhaps you felt this way after reading or hearing something motivational or when you saw the pain in your loved one’s eyes, etc. And when we feel motivated, we feel confident that this will be the last time we gamble.

Relying primarily on motivation doesn’t work, because, just like willpower, motivation comes and goes depending on several factors beyond our control. Just because you feel motivated to quit gambling right now doesn’t mean you will keep feeling this way over time. Indeed, you won’t. When we have a bad night of sleep or feel stressed or in a bad mood (which are all things that inevitably happen), that motivated feeling can quickly disappear. So, motivation cannot be relied upon. And, importantly, when we do feel very motivated, we should try to keep in mind that how we feel right now does not at all reflect how we will feel tomorrow or even in the next couple hours. Don’t let the momentary feeling of motivation (and the ensuing confidence that this will be the last time) fool you.

Section 2: The strategic component of my approach: putting in place effective barriers

Putting in place effective barriers between us and gambling is indispensable for preventing further relapses. This is because effective barriers can prevent us from acting on those gambling urges that, in the moment, our willpower could not.

I begin the idea of an effective barrier(Section 2.1), followed by detailed examples of effective barriers (Section 2.2).

Section 2.1: On the idea of an effective barrier

An effective barrier for a person P is a barrier that reliably prevents P from engaging in the kind of behavior it was put in place to prevent.

As this definition of an effective barrier helpfully highlights, whether a barrier is effective is relative to the person in question. For example, for someone who is not tech savvy, certain blocking softwares (e.g., Gamban) may in fact be an effective barrier for him/her. But, this may not be the case for a tech savvy person. (In the rest of this guide, I will often skip over this nuance to make my writing less cluttered, but it should always be assumed.)

Note that a barrier does not necessarily need to be impossible to undo/get around for it to be effective: barriers that are very inconvenient to undo/get around can also be effective. This is because there are three distinct ways in which a barrier can reliably prevent us from relapsing:

(1) buying us time, during which the intensity of our current gambling urge will usually subside (thereby making it easier to deal with) and during which we have the opportunity to come to a better judgment, bringing to mind relevant insights (thereby allowing us to better respond to said urge)

(2) presenting as a chore or unattractive prospect (e.g., needing to later inform your accountability partner that you relapsed). When our gambling urge is not too strong, the thought of a chore (or unattractive prospect) is often enough to keep us from gambling

(3) making it practically impossible to gamble. This is true of barriers that are practically impossible to undo/get around (at least for a certain period of time), such as self-exclusion programs or handing over financial control to a loved one.

Barriers that are very inconvenient (though not impossible) to undo/get around can prevent relapses through (1) and (2) for many, making them effective barriers for many. That said, they may not be effective for those whose gambling problem is still very severe, in which case barriers that are impossible to undo/get around (at least for a certain period of time) should be considered. In Section 2.2 below, I will give examples of barriers of both kinds.

Some of the barriers you might have tried in the past may not have been effective barriers for you. For example, if you do online gambling, you may have permanently self-excluded from several websites that you gambled on. However, for many of us who gamble online, this ends up not being an effective barrier, for several reasons. One is that there are tons of other gambling websites on the internet and new ones are popping up all the time, and many of us will be willing to gamble on new sites we discovered. Thus, for many of us, self-excluding from particular sites doesn’t reliably do what we wanted it to do — namely, to stop us from being able to gamble online, period. Thus, it is not an effective barrier for many of us, although it may be for those of us who only trust the websites we self-excluded from.

Section 2.2: Detailed examples of effective barriers

What, then, are some effective barriers for most (if not all) of us? Well, it partly depends on what form of gambling we do, e.g., gambling at land-based casinos, traditional online gambling, stocks/options/forex gambling, or crypto gambling. I will consider these in turn.

Regarding land-based gambling, an effective barrier for most of us is requesting for permanent self-exclusion from all the casinos that we see ourselves capable of driving to from where we live. Each casino may have their own self-exclusion program, or there might be a centralized self-exclusion program at the province/state level, where signing up once automatically excludes you from all casinos in said province/state (look into this).

Self-exclude for the longest period on offer (usually permanent or 5 years). If the longest is 5 years, be sure to renew the self-exclusion at every 5 year mark.

Regarding traditional online gambling, an effective barrier for most of us is contacting the third-party services that facilitate depositing to online casinos and requesting that they permanently ban us from using their services. This is more effective (and easier to do) than requesting permanent self-exclusion from particular gambling sites since there are only a small handful of these third-party services compared to the vast and ever-growing number of gambling sites.

Here’s a list of some of their email addresses:

Gigadat solutions/Interac: csr@gigadatsolutions.com
Instadebit: security@instadebit.com and support@instadebit.com
Much Better: support@muchbetter.com
Ecopayz: customersupport@ecopayz.com
idebit: security@idebitpayments.com

If the contact information of the third-party service you use to make deposits isn’t listed here, please take a moment to seek out their contact information and contact them. I know that certain banks and credit card companies can block gambling-related transactions if requested.

Here’s an email template you can use:

Subject heading: Request for permanent account ban.

Hi there,

Please immediately and permanently ban me from using your services. I have been using your services in a way that has been very harmful to my wellbeing. This really needs to stop, and having my account permanently banned is absolutely necessary for that to happen. Thank you for taking my well-being seriously and doing as I have requested.

My information is as follows: [insert the relevant info such as account name or the email you have associated with them or, in the case of gigadatsolutions, the email you use to make interac e-transfers]

Sincerely,
[Insert your name]

If you are from the UK, check out GamStop, a blanket self-exclusion scheme from all online casinos licensed in UK (https://www.gamstop.co.uk/).

Another class of effective barriers are software blockers.

If you’re an iPhone user, a highly effective blocking tool is Screen Time, which is a free, native tool in iOS. See Appendix A on how to properly set it up.

If you’re an Android user, GamBlock has really good reviews (though I have not personally used it). The yearly subscription fee may seem quite steep at first glance, but in order to appreciate how much this software is worth to you, you should reflect on how much money we lost to gambling over the past 12 months because that gives us a ballpark idea of how much money we stand to save as a result of having this software. You could also switch over to iPhone to take advantage of Screen Time, which is free.

You might also consider trading in your smartphone for an old-fashioned flip phone. This is a simple, bulletproof and cheap option that I highly encourage you to consider.

If you’re a PC/Mac user, GamBlock is perhaps again the best.

Finally, other software blockers that may be an effective barrier for those who aren’t tech-savvy include Gamban and BetBlocker (free).

Regarding crypto/stocks/options/forex gambling, an effective barrier for most of us is contacting the crypto exchange platforms and or brokerages we use and either asking them to permanently ban us from using their services or asking them to place permanent limits on our account (e.g., ban us from options trading, ban us from margin, etc.).

The software blockers mentioned in the previous section is also relevant to crypto-casino gambling.

Finally, there are other effective barriers that apply to all forms of gambling. The first is telling a loved one your bank account (and credit card account) username and password so that they can see your transactions whenever they want. This works best when you also hand over your IDs to your loved one so that you can’t create another bank account or credit card account (you can keep photos of your IDs in your phone in case it’s needed).

An even more effective barrier is getting someone you trust to take over control of your money for an extended period of time. There is no shame in this. We are simply doing what needs to be done, which takes courage and indeed intelligence. For this to work, you need to make sure that the person who you are relying on understands that a gambling problem is very difficult to keep under control, so they should not hand control back to you just because you requested it, even if you’ve managed to be gamble-free for a few years. When you first give up control of your finances to someone, you and that person should agree to a list of specific and clear conditions that needs to be met for control to be given back to you. This may include being gamble-free for a certain length of time (e.g., over 2 years), demonstrating that you’ve achieved certain goals, etc.

In addition to an agreement on when control may be given back, it is also important to make a plan/agreement as to how things will work while your money is in their control (e.g., how bills will be paid, groceries purchased, , etc.) For monthly bills, pre-authorized payments are convenient. Alternatively, the person who is helping you can access your bank account once per month to pay whatever bills needs to be paid. For groceries and other daily stuff, they can provide you with a small amount in cash each day or get you a supplementary credit card (from their credit card company) with a low credit limit. Since the credit card is from their credit card company, they can also see what transactions you used the card for. If they provide you with a small amount of cash instead, you can also commit to providing them with receipts for any purchases you make. These are just two ideas. Indeed, you need to be able to think of suitable solutions for your particular circumstances. Try to think flexibly. Some of the best solutions and barriers for us may be overlooked when we think too narrowly. Finally, as with the previous barrier idea, you should also think about how you can prevent the creation of new credit card accounts (and close off access to loans in general). Perhaps this means handing over your IDs to the person helping you , and only keeping phone pics of them. Perhaps something else. Again, when thinking of solutions, try to think flexibly.

Appendix A: Set-up instructions for Screen Time

Follow the instructions below to make it virtually impossible to gamble on your iPhone:

Step 1. First, you need to turn Screen Time on by tapping Settings > Screen Time > Turn On Screen Time > Continue > This is My iPhone. Now you are on what I’ll call the “Screen Time home page”. (Skip this step if you have already turned on Screen Time before.)

Step 2. Next, you need to block Safari (Apple’s native browser App) according to the following steps: from the Screen Time home page, tap Content & Privacy Restrictions > toggle Content & Privacy Restrictions to ON/green color> Allowed Apps -> toggle Safari to OFF/grey color.

Step 3. Next, delete any other existing browser App or search engine App that’s on your phone (e.g., Google Chrome App, Google Search Apple, etc.). Similarly, delete any existing gambling Apps you have. For crypto gamblers, deleting your wallet Apps is also a good idea. (Note: if you absolutely must have at least a bit of access to browsing on your phone, this is possible, but it comes at a significant risk; see Feature 1 below)

Step 4. Once those Apps are deleted, our next step is to block our ability to re-install those Apps from the App Store. There are two methods to do this, each with its own cost. The first way involves limiting the Apps you can install and use on your phone to Apps that are rated age 12+. To do this, from the Screen Time home page, tap Content & Privacy Restrictions > Content Restrictions > Apps > 12+. Since all browser/search engine Apps and all gambling Apps are rated 17+, setting the age restriction to 12+ will mean that you won’t be able to re-install these Apps from the App Store. (Note that this method doesn’t work well for crypto wallet Apps, since those Apps are rated 4+, so see the 2nd method and also Feature 1 further below).

The potential cost of this method is that it would also block all other Apps on your phone that are rated 17+ (e.g., Twitter App, YouTube App, Reddit App, etc). Whether there is a cost to you (and how big of a cost) depends on whether there is a 17+ App on your phone right now that is really important to you. (You can tell which of your existing Apps are being blocked by the 12+ age restriction by toggling between 12+ and 17+ and seeing which Apps appear and disappear from your Home Screen as you toggle between them.)

If you find yourself faced with a big cost in this sense, the other method involves removing the entire App Store, which you can do (from the Screen Time home page) by tapping Content & Privacy Restrictions > iTunes & App Store Purchases > Installing Apps > Don’t Allow. This allows you to keep using your existing 17+ Apps, but the obvious cost is that you won’t be able to install any new Apps. How big of a cost this is depends on how much you care to be able to install new Apps in the future. (Note that even if you remove the App Store, you will still be able to update all your existing Apps through Apple’s native Messages App: when you open a message chat log, you will find a small blue App Store icon right above the keyboard. By tapping that App Store icon, then tapping on the blue human body icon, then tapping Purchased, you’ll see a list of your existing apps and the ability to update them.)

Step 5. Something I discovered is that almost all third-party Apps are such that, by clicking around in them (e.g., clicking on an embedded twitter icon inside the app), you’ll be able to eventually access a search engine (e.g., google.com) inside the App! Once you have access to a search engine like google.com, it’s easy to find your way to an online gambling website, which would allow you to gamble inside that App (even though the App it self was never intended for that purpose). To combat this problem, follow the following steps: from the Screen Time home page, tap Content & Privacy Restrictions > Content Restrictions > Web Content > Limit Adult Websites > Add website (in the NEVER ALLOW category)> add the following URLs:

• twitter.com (you can still use Twitter through the Twitter App if you use the App Store removal method detailed in Step 4)
• all search engine urls you know by heart (e.g., bing.com, google.com, google.ca, yahoo.com, etc.)
• And the urls of every gambling website you know by heart (just as an extra precaution)

By doing this, you won’t be able to use your third-party Apps to find your way onto an online gambling website within the third-party App. And, of course, the reason we still need to block all browser/search engine Apps is because they can be used to find and access gambling websites whose urls we didn’t block. Yes, not being able to use a browser App is a cost, but it is a small price to pay if it can help us keep our gambling addiction under control.

Two additional features on Screen Time that you should know before moving on to the final step (i.e., Step 6). I explain these features before the final step, because the final step involves setting a Screen Time password, and once that is set, you won’t be able to take advantage of these features.

Feature 1: Here, I’ll quickly teach you how to limit the amount of time you can spend per day on any single App. First, use the App for at least 30 seconds. Then, tap Settings > Screen Time > See All Activity. Now, scroll down and you should see the App among a list of other Apps you used today. Tap the App, scroll to the bottom and tap Add Limit. Whatever time limit you set is the amount of time you can spend on the App per day. The shortest time limit available is 1 minute (which means you’ll only get 1 minute of access to the App). Once you’ve set your desired time limit for the App, toggle Block at End of Limit to ON.

Limiting time on a specific App may be helpful for crypto gamblers to block their wallet Apps (by setting time limit to 1 minute). If you don’t want to entirely block your browser or search engine App (as explained in Step 2–4), you can also use this feature to set a time limit for those Apps (say, 1 minute per day). This will allow you to make a quick search, but not enough time to gamble (but, be careful, because even 1 minute may enable some gambling).

Feature 2: If you have difficulty sleeping on time because your phone is too distracting, you can use Screen Time to set a block schedule for your Apps. This is most easily done by using a combination of Downtime and Always Allowed, which are two features you’ll find on the Screen Time home page. First, tap Downtime and set a schedule for when you want all your Apps to be blocked, e.g., from 10pm to 7am. Then toggle Block at Downtime to ON/green color. Next, go back and tap Always Allowed, and add whichever Apps you don’t want Downtime to block at the scheduled time. This can include all the Apps that never distracted your sleep in the first place, like the phone App, music App or any other non-distracting Apps.

Step 6. Now, you need someone to set up a Screen Time password as follows: From the Screen Time home page, tap Use Screen Time Passcode. When they do, they will be first asked to input a password of their choosing, followed by an Apple ID user and password as a way to reset the password if it is ever forgotten. Make sure that they input an Apple ID whose user and password you don’t know (and they should never tell you). If they don’t want to input their own Apple ID, they can easily create a new Apple ID at icloud.com (on the bottom left corner of that website, it says “Create Apple ID”). Once that’s done, you’re good to go! (Note that the Apple ID that they input into Screen Time operates independently from any Apple ID that you may have signed into your iPhone with. Thus, using a different Apple ID for Screen Time won’t affect anything else.)

If you want to undo the restrictions one day, you and the person who is helping you set up Screen Time should agree to a list of specific conditions that needs to be met for undoing the restrictions. This may include being gamble-free for a certain length of time (e.g., over 2 years), demonstrating that you’ve achieved certain goals, etc. You two should also agree on under what conditions the restrictions would be enforced again.

Section 3: The knowledge component of my approach: some common causes of relapse to watch out for and how to properly address them.

Effective barriers are indispensable for preventing further relapses, but so is acquiring some important insights, especially over the long run. This is because, in general, many of the effective barriers we’ve put in place become more removable or by-pass-able over time. Moreover, over the long run of our recovery, our urges will become notably weaker and less frequent, so gambling becomes more of a choice than something we feel compelled to do. Consequently, we need to have the insights that will enable us to make good choices over the long run, including, for example, the wise choice to always keep at least some effective barrier in place. The purpose of this section is to equip you with those insights.

As mentioned in the introduction, I have organized my discussion of these insights around 12 common causes of relapse (and how best to address each). As you read through my discussion of each of these common causes of relapse, you will come to acquire all the insights that helped me get to where I am today.

3.0 Having the feeling that we’ll be able to control ourselves the next time we gamble.

Despite losing control again and again, many of us still often feel that we can control ourselves the next time we gamble. Since feelings are very palpable and forceful, they can strongly affect what we believe: if you feel that you’ll be able to control yourself the next time you gamble, you can easily be led to believe it if you are not careful.

The solution to this common cause of relapse is to watch out for this false feeling and know to distrust it despite how convincing/true the feeling comes across to you. Remind yourself that if you really are someone who has the ability to control your ability, you wouldn’t have lost more than you could afford to lose and be in your current situation in the first place. Remind yourself of all the previous times when you felt like you had control over your gambling and what happened when you actually went to gamble.

3.1 Having the feeling that we’re going to win the next time we gamble.

As mentioned in the previous section, feelings are powerful convincers. Consequently, if you feel like you’re going to win the next time you gamble, it’s hard not to go gamble. Below, I will talk about 5 things that cause this feeling to arise and why this feeling must be distrusted despite how convincing/true it comes across to you.

a) having an inadequate grasp of the math behind gambling

There is a reason why casinos are consistently profitable. And, No, it’s not because of luck. Indeed, the casino doesn’t need luck to be profitable. Rather, the casino is consistently profitable because of how casino games are mathematically designed (and the large number of gambling transactions that take place).

To illustrate how the mathematical design of casino games helps the casino, consider American Roulette. In this casino game, there are 38 numbers on the roulette wheel: #0, #00 (“double zero”) and #1 through #36. Each round, a small ball spins around the wheel, decreasing in speed until it finally lands on one of those numbers. As the player, your hope is that the ball lands on one of the number(s) you placed bets on. Let’s consider a simple case, in which you place a bet on just one number, say #00. Moreover, suppose you bet $1. In Roulette, betting on a single number is called a “straight-up bet”. The payout for straight-up bets is 35x of the amount you bet. Thus, in our hypothetical situation, if the ball lands on your number, you will be paid $35 since 35x of your $1 bet = $35. So, in total, you are returned $36 (the $35 you won plus the original $1 you bet). However, if the ball lands on any other number, you will lose the $1 you bet.

Since there are 38 possible outcomes per round, and #00 is just one of those outcomes, the probability of you winning in any one round is 1/38. Framed slightly differently, over the course of 38 rounds, you are statistically expected to win once and lose the other 37 times.

Now, let’s do the math. After playing 38 rounds, you are statistically expected to win $35 once, but lose your $1 bet 37 other times (-$37). Thus, over the course of 38 rounds, you are statistically expected to lose $2.

One way to make this result really intuitive is to realize that your probability of winning is 1/38, and thus, every 38 rounds, you are expected to lose 37 times (which, added up, is really 37x of your bet) and only win once; yet, in the one time you are expected to win, you only win 35x of your bet. Since 35x of your bet ($35) is clearly less than 37x of your bet ($37), therefore, you are sure to lose money over time.

So, we know that if you make a straight-up bet of $1 per round, then, you are statistically expected to lose $2 every 38 rounds. Now, if we divide the $2 expected loss by the number of rounds over which it is expected to happen (e.g., 38 rounds), we can find out the average amount of money you can expect to lose per round (i.e. per $1 bet)— namely, 5.26 cents (or 5.26% of your bet size). Now, an average expected loss of 5.26 cents per $1 bet may not sound like a lot, but that’s because we’re only imagining $1 bets. If we imagine you bet $50 per round, then your average expected loss would be $2.63 per round , which really adds up over many rounds. For example, after just 38 rounds of betting $50 each round, you’re statistically expected to have lost about $100 (-$2.63 per round x 38 rounds = -$100).

Let’s return to our hypothetical scenario of $1 bets per round.

In more technical terms, each of your $1 bets has a negative expected value of -$0.0526 (-5.26 cents). Expected value (EV) is an important concept in mathematics. In the context of gambling, EV can be used to signify the average amount of money you are statistically expected to win (or lose) on a particular bet.

Here’s the general formula for calculating expected value:

EV = ($ won on winning * probability of winning ) + ($ lost on losing * probability of losing).

In the example case above, the values we would plug into this formula would thus be:

EV = ($35 * 1/38) + (-$1 * 37/38)

EV = $0.921 + -$0.974

EV = -$0.0526

What this means, again, is that you are statistically expected to lose an average of $0.0526 on every $1 straight-up bet you make. By contrast, this does not mean that you will actually lose $0.0526 per round (indeed, -$0.0526 is not even a possible payout: the two possible payouts are +$35 or -$1). One way to think about it is this: if you made the $1 bet again and again, then your total expected loss would average out to a loss of $0.0526 per bet.

As hinted out earlier, EV can also be expressed in a percentage form. $0.0526 is 5.26% of $1. So, put another way, you are statistically expected to lose an average of 5.26% of every $1 straight-up bet you place. That is, your EV doing $1 straight up bets = -5.26%. As it turns out, the EV for most kinds of bets you place in Roulette (not just straight up bets) is about -5.26%. This is why the House Edge in American Roulette is +5.26% (the opposite of your EV).

Given that gambling on Roulette has negative expected value for you, you are mathematically guaranteed to lose money over the long run. But what about the short run? Well, over the short run, you are still statistically expected to lose money, but, unlike in the long run, you aren’t guaranteed to lose money. In the short run, luck can play a role, such that your actual results may differ quite a lot from your statistically expected results. For example, although you are statistically expected to win only once every 38 rounds, you might get lucky and the ball lands on your number more than once within a 38 rounds stretch. But, similarly, you may get very unlucky and lose even more money than you were statistically expected to lose. For example, although you are statistically expected to win only once every 38 rounds, the ball might not actually land on your number even after 100 rounds. But, again, over the long run, your actual results is mathematically guaranteed to converge with the statistically expected results (due to the Law of Large Numbers). So, for example, if you actually bet $50 over and over, then your total actual loss over the long run will average out to about -$2.63 per bet.

What is true of American Roulette is true of practically all forms of gambling. They all have negative expected value for the player, some more negative than others. As such, you are mathematically guaranteed to lose money playing them over the long run.

One clear example of failing to adequately grasp the math behind gambling is believing that there are “winning strategies”. There aren’t and there can’t be. Winning strategies are mathematically impossible.

Another example of failing to adequately grasp the math behind gambling is believing that “if only we were able to control ourselves (i.e., leave every time we’re ahead), we could be making decent money from gambling over time.” This is, again, utterly false. It doesn’t matter when you leave on any given day: you are mathematically guaranteed to lose money over the long run. Given the math, there will inevitably be days where you’re losing right from the start and will just keep losing as you try to come out ahead.

b) recalling only our past wins/correct calls (forgetting our past losses/wrong calls)

When our mind is filled with memories of our past wins, it’s hard not to feel like we are bound to win again. Why do we tend to remember our past wins (and the joy associated with them) much more than our past losses (and the misery associated with those), especially when our past losses are objectively greater in amount? Part of the reason may be due to what’s known as the “fading affect bias”, according to which past unpleasant emotions (and the events they’re associated with, such as past losses) tend to fade more quickly from memory than pleasant emotions. This is now a well-established psychological phenomenon. (Btw, this phenomenon may also help to explain why trying to remember our pain from gambling is not a very effective approach for preventing further relapses, especially over time. From my experience, putting in place effective barriers and remembering the insights from this section is a much better approach.)

Next time you remember just your past wins, remember this psychological phenomenon and try to offset it by trying to remember your past losses and the associated misery. Additionally, it helps to take a good hard look at where all your gambling has gotten you in life, because what you’re looking at takes into account all your past wins and losses and thereby gives you the most unbiased and accurate picture of where gambling leads you.

c) believing that our sports knowledge or trading knowledge is good enough to be profitable over the long run

Earlier, I said that practically all forms of gambling have negative expected value (-EV) for the player. However, there are a few exceptions where the player is able to consistently make bets with positive expected value (+EV), and thus be able to make a profit over the long run, namely:

• Professional card-counters when playing Blackjack (which is why casinos actively seek them out and blacklist them). By card counting, these professional card-counters are able to turn blackjack into a +ev game for them.
• Poker players who have superior mathematical knowledge over their opponents.
• Groups in the sports-betting industry who, due to superior statistical and sporting knowledge, are able to consistently find betting opportunities in which the bookmaker significantly misjudged the real odds associated with a sporting event (e.g., judging that the real odds of Murray winning is 40% when it’s really closer to 60%). Again, a case of a stronger player against a weaker opponent.
• Groups in the trading industry with lightening speed, market-moving amounts of capital and expert-level knowledge of the securities they are trading. Again, a case of a stronger player against weaker opponents (e.g., individual retail traders). Think large hedge funds. In crypto trading, Alameda Research is another example.

I mention these exceptions because many sports bettors (and traders) think that they are also part of the exception because they believe that their sports knowledge or trading knowledge is good enough to be profitable over the long run. So, here’s a few words for them:

You might be a sports better who knows way more about a certain sport than the average person on the street. However, the superior knowledge you have over the average joe is nowhere near enough to compensate for the odds you are offered by the bookmaker. This is why only a very small percentage people (0.1%-1%) have been able to profit from sports betting over the long run. These groups of individuals are experts in statistics and the sport they are betting on, allowing them to calculate the real odds associated with a sporting event more accurately than the bookmakers themselves, and thereby take advantage of large discrepancies between the bookmaker’s calculations and their own. Keep in mind that the bookmakers themselves employ individuals who are experts in sports and statistics to determine the real odds (they are known as odd-compilers), which is why only 0.1%-1% of people are able to profit in the long run from sports betting. At that level, it’s a battle between industry experts. The number of relevant factors you are taking into account in making your betting decisions is thus dwarfed by the number of relevant factors taken into account by the odd-compilers, and so the odds you are offered by the bookmaker already takes the factors you’ve considered into account. Thus, it’s no accident that only a very small percentage of people have been able to profit from sports betting over the long run. A similar point about being at a huge information disadvantage applies to traders. Unsurprisingly, just like sports bettors, almost all traders lose money over the long run. Being at a huge knowledge, capital and speed disadvantage plays a large role here. Long-term investing is, of course, a different matter.

One reason we think that we are an exception is that we have had winning streaks in the past, making us think that we’re capable of being profitable over the long run. But this is a cognitive bias because, in just focusing on our winning streaks, we are forgetting or downplaying our poor decisions and losing streaks. When we win, we tend to attribute our wins to our superior knowledge and skill, but when we lose, we tend to attribute it to bad luck or to being too hasty in our judgment. This is clear bias. If we attribute our wins to our superior knowledge and skill, we must similarly attribute our losses to our lack of knowledge and skill. And if attribute our losses to bad luck and hasty judgment, we must similarly attribute our wins to such factors too. To be free of bias, we should let the long-term results of our decision-making speak for themselves. And the long-term results are clear: we’ve been losing more and more money over time, just like pretty much every other sports bettor or securities trader out there. In short, we are no exception.

For a good discussion of how bookmakers make money and why it is so difficult to beat them in the long run, see https://tinyurl.com/ymvzxyt2 and https://tinyurl.com/53hm3a3j). Importantly, it explains how you can actually lose money even if you win most of your bets. After all, winning most of your bets isn’t hard: just keep betting on the team/player that is favored to win. But, doing so will actually make you lose money over time.

d) believing that past results affect the probabilities of future outcomes (i.e., committing the “Gambler’s Fallacy”), coupled with the belief that we have the skills to discern how those probabilities are shifting given what the past results are

A fallacy is an error in thinking and there are many fallacies we commit in daily life (just google “common fallacies”). When it comes to gambling, one fallacy that is committed by many gamblers is the aforementioned belief. It is thus appropriately named “Gambler’s Fallacy”. The aforementioned belief is a fallacy because, in reality, the probability of future outcomes is independent of what happened in the past. In other words, past results don’t affect the probability of future outcomes: the fact that a coin landed on heads 999 times in a row does not make it any more likely that the next coin toss will land on tails. The probability that it lands on tails remains 50%. And since the accompanying belief (in one’s special discerning skills) is premised on the Gambler’s Fallacy, the accompanying belief therefore cannot be true either, since the are no shifting probabilities to discern in the first place.

One clear example of the gambler’s fallacy at work is when someone refuses to leave their slot machine because they think the fact that they haven’t had major win for so long means that it’s more likely that the slot machine will yield a major win in the near future, when, in reality, the chance of scoring a major win remains the same for each future click regardless of what happened in the past. Another clear example is the baccarat player who bases their next decision on how to bet on the scoreboard displaying past results. Being aware of the Gambler’s Fallacy gives us the power to no longer fall victim to it.

e) superstitious beliefs

Many people are a little bit superstitious, and that’s okay since it doesn’t negatively affect their quality of life. Being superstitious becomes a serious problem when it is leading to actions that severely harm your life, such as when being superstitious is leading you to gamble away more money than you can afford to lose. Superstitions are a class of beliefs that have no clear reason to them and, thus, are generally less frequent in people who have higher levels of education. If you are superstitious and you often have the feeling like you’re going to win on your next gamble/trip to the casino because of superstitious factors, I urge you to take a hard look at how well that has panned out for you and what that says about acting on your superstitions. There is no better indicator of how well your superstitions are serving you than the final, cumulative result you are currently left with.

3.1 Concluding remarks:

In section 3.1, we’ve identified one common cause of relapse, namely our feeling like we’re going to win on our next bet/trip to the casino. We then discussed several causes of this feeling, including an inadequate grasp of the math, various incorrect beliefs and biased recall. As we discussed these causes, we gained various important insights, big and small, such as the fact that the math really does work against us (3.1.a). At this point, you might think that the main reason why problem gamblers suffer so much from gambling is because of an inadequate grasp of the math (plus perhaps some other factors) that make them continually think that they’re bound to win. But, sadly, this is not so. Over the next two sub-sections (3.2 and 3.3), we will discuss some larger reasons/causes for the problem gambler’s suffering — reasons that speak to what it is to be a problem gambler (i.e., the problem gambler’s defining traits).

3.2 Unable to come to terms with our past losses/a strong desire to break-even. As problem gamblers, we’ve lost a lot of our money to gambling and, understandably, it is extremely difficult to come to terms with losing so much. One obvious sign that we haven’t come to terms with a past loss is that we’re constantly thinking about it and feeling miserable or angry-at-ourselves over it. These thoughts inevitably lead us to want to gamble whatever we might have left (or, worse, borrowed money) in the hopes of quickly winning back what we lost. We tell ourselves that as soon as we win it back, we will never gamble again.

Gambling to try to win back our past losses is a bad idea for several reasons:

First, one of our defining traits as problem gamblers is our inability to stop gambling where a normal gambler would have stopped: when we are in the heat of the moment, gambling and winning, we almost always keep going, regardless of how much we have won already. We may be telling ourselves that we should stop, but our hands just keep clicking away until we’ve lost it all back. And, similarly, when we’re losing, we almost always chase our losses to the ground. After all, if we were able to stop gambling when we should have stopped, we wouldn’t be desperately trying to gamble back what we lost in the first place, for we wouldn’t have gambled away more than we could afford to lose in the first place. Because this is part of who we are, it is very unlikely that, in the heat of the moment, we would actually stop and withdraw even if we were lucky enough to gamble our money back. It is far more likely that, in the heat of the moment, we’ll aim for just a bit more, and a bit more, until sooner or later, we’ve lost everything back.

Indeed, I know of several real cases where a problem gambler was among the lucky few who gambled back all that they had lost. But instead of stopping (as they initially promised themselves that they would), they all kept on gambling until everything was gone again. This common fate should come as no surprise in light of the fact that a problem gambler fundamentally lacks the ability to stop gambling when they should have stopped.

Now, you might feel certain that you wouldn’t have this problem — that you would 100% stop and withdraw and never touch gambling again, but, at the end of the day, you are a problem gambler, and, in the heat of the moment, it is just a fact that a problem gambler has great difficulty stopping at the point where they should stop.

Second, even if you did miraculously recover what you lost, stopped and withdrew it, it’s almost certain that you’ll be back gambling in the near future, where you will lose all of it anyways. This is because, another defining trait of a problem gambler is that winning experiences strongly reinforces the feeling that we can win again , which in turn leads to a very strong urge to gamble again. By contrast, after stopping and withdrawing, a normal gambler does not have a lingering urge to gamble more. They simply had some fun and then went back to their life, completely forgetting about gambling.

Third, as a simple mathematical truth, you are statistically expected to lose your remaining money (see Section 3.1.a). Moreover, think about the consequences of losing your remaining money. Why risk suffering those consequences for an unfavorable chance to win back what you lost, when there is a much better alternative — an alternative that (a) does not expose you to the risk of more terrible consequences and (b) would allow you to earn an amount that is necessary for living happy and fulfilling life? (The necessary amount, adjusted according to country, is probably no where near what you think: see https://80000hours.org/articles/money-and-happiness/)

This much better alternative is none other than making a living through honest work. As you see your debts steadily go down and your savings steadily grow through your own effort, you will also experience more and more self-confidence and self-respect: you will feel proud of yourself for overcoming this challenging period in your life and feel ready to take on any future adversity.

Given the aforementioned factors, it is clear that gambling to try to win back your losses is not the right way to deal with your inability to come to terms with your losses. As hinted at already, the right way is by being patient (i.e., giving it time) and using that time to steadily rebuild your life (see Section 5 for a further elaboration of what this involves.)

Ultimately, coming to terms with our past losses doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. Thus, putting in place effective barriers is absolutely crucial to help us through this difficult period — a period in which we’re tormented by thoughts and feelings about our losses and the desire to gamble it all back immediately. During this difficult period, one specific set of feelings and thoughts that torment us are the feelings of intense regret and its associated “what if” or “if only” thoughts, in which we imagine how great things would have been, had we not gambled everything away. These thoughts, of course, make us feel even worse. One way to counteract these thoughts is to try to keep things in perspective (see Section 5). Another is to try to keep ourselves busy in the present moment (see Section 3.6). Yet another is to tell someone about it. Oftentimes, letting it out (instead of keeping the pain inside) can make us feel better. Finally, yet another is to realize that these thoughts are most likely false to begin with. After all, you did what you did in the past because of the way you were in the past (e.g., your personality, your desires and beliefs at the time, etc.). So, for you to have done the opposite of what you in fact did, you would likely have had to be a different person than who you in fact were — i.e., not you. So if you catch yourself having these “what if” thoughts, it might help to point out to yourself that, most likely, the past you simply wasn’t capable of making the choice that you keep wishing you had made. It makes no sense to wish you had made a different choice that you simply couldn’t have made.

As you make steady progress in rebuilding your life, you will eventually come to terms with your past losses, no matter how big it was. It’ll happen so naturally that you probably won’t even notice the change, until one day, it suddenly dawns on you that you haven’t been bothered by thoughts of your past losses for awhile now.

3.3 Attracted by the potential for quick and easy riches. As problem gamblers, we’re used to losing a lot of money easily and quickly, but we’re also used to making a lot of money easily and quickly. ‘Easily’, because we just need to click a few buttons, and, ‘quickly’, because the results of our bets come quickly. As a result, many of us will have experienced turning a relatively small amount of money into a relatively huge amount of money over a short period of time. And this seeming potential for quick and easy riches makes gambling very attractive.

However, as far as problem gamblers are concerned, it’s crucial to realize that the seeming potential for quick and easy riches is just that: a mere seeming, an illusion; and that, in reality, there is only one possible outcome from continued gambling for the problem gambler— namely, misery and financial ruin.

Why is that the only possible outcome for us problem gamblers? It’s because of our defining traits as problem gamblers. I’ve already mentioned two such traits in Section 3.2 — namely, our inability to stop gambling where a normal gambler would have stopped, and the way a winning session makes us strongly inclined to gamble again in the near future. Because of these traits, we are simply incapable of holding onto any of our temporary winnings, losing it all back plus our own money. Here, I want to mention yet another one of our defining traits— namely, our inability to regulate our bet sizes. As problem gamblers, we tend to increase our bet sizes drastically over a short period of time, both when winning or losing. When we’re winning, we drastically increase our bet sizes to try to win even more. And when we’re losing, we drastically increase our bet sizes to try to make back our increasing losses. Consequently, it often doesn’t take many bets going the wrong way to wipe us clean, and it is inevitable that such bad streaks will occur. Thus, the one-way ticket to misery and financial ruin for the problem gambler is often on a bullet train as opposed to a bicycle.

When we keep these inescapable facts about ourselves as problem gamblers in mind (not to mention the fact that the math works against us, as explained in Section 3.1.a), it should be crystal clear that, at the end of the day, we can only lose money from gambling. Indeed, if we can’t hold on to any of our winnings, we haven’t really won anything at the end of the day. And we simply can’t; otherwise, we wouldn’t be problem gamblers. Don’t let the temporary winnings fool you into believing the illusion.

3.4 Unable to come to terms with “missed out gains”.

“Missed out gains” is where we didn’t gamble on something (perhaps because we had no money or because we have been working on our recovery), but, in hindsight, would have “won” had we did. For example, maybe you had to sell your stocks because you got margin called, and then afterwards, the stocks rose as you originally predicted it would, but now couldn’t reap “the gains”. Or maybe, you made a prediction on a sports event, but had no money to wager on it or whatever may the case, and your prediction came out true, making you feel like you missed out.

There’s a few things to keep in mind when we’re feeling down because of these so called “missed out gains”.

First, having read 3.1, 3.2 and 3.3., it should be clear that “missed out gains” is in fact just an illusion, because whatever temporary gains we would have made would soon just be gambled away anyways. Hence, I put the phrase in scare quotes, because really we wouldn’t have been any richer in the end anyways.

Second, by the same logic of missed out gains, there are also missed out losses. So, if we want the full, objective picture of where we would be right now had we kept on gambling (such that we would have reaped those missed out gains, but also experienced many missed out losses), we can’t just focus on the missed out gains. Instead, we would have to track our predictions on all the bets we would have made, and then added up those results to get the cumulative result. But, in fact, you don’t even really need to do that to get the full picture of where you would be right now had you kept on gambling, because — guess what —your actual situation right now is precisely the cumulative result of all your great many past predictions, and your actual situation is presumably a very undesirable one, with a lot of your money gone. And if all your great many past predictions led to this cumulative result, then what do you think the cumulative result from more betting from you would be? (Remember, it’s the cumulative result that provides the full, objective picture of where you would be, not the result of any one bet/prediction).

3.5 Getting complacent or confident after making some progress in recovery. Suppose you’ve been able to stay gamble-free for over three years thanks to the effective barriers you had put in place. During this time, you have been working hard at your job and have managed to save a decent amount. Moreover, since it’s been awhile since you last hit rock bottom, it’s harder to recall in a vivid way the pain from that time. Furthermore, the gambling urges and thoughts have all but disappeared and you feel like you’re back in the driver seat of your life. At this time, you decide to remove the effective barriers you had in place. Perhaps you’ve been doing check-ins with an accountability partner on a regular basis; you decide to end that arrangement. Perhaps you’ve been using a blocking software like Screen Time for iPhone; but now, you’re going through the inconvenience to remove it. “What’s the harm?”, you think to yourself, “I’m in much better shape now, so I’ll be fine.” One day, you see a gambling ad or email offering a $20 free bet or 50 free spins. You think to yourself, “Might as well give it a go since it’s not my own money anyways. Plus, I feel in control of my gambling.” So, you play it. You don’t win. But later in the day, you start to feel that all too familiar urge again. “Another small deposit isn’t going to hurt. I can afford it and I’m in control now.” You deposit $20. Then another $20. Then $40. Then $100. By the end of the night, you’ve entirely emptied your bank account.

This is what happens when we get complacent or confident and remove the effective barriers we had put in place. Why does it happen? It happens because a gambling problem/addiction (or any addiction for that matter) never truly dies: at best, they just become dormant. As a result, relapse is always a threat. When we remove the barriers that kept our addiction in check, we give our addiction the opportunity to wreak havoc in our lives again. And it will, with alarming speed. Misplaced confidence (or just getting complacent) is therefore a major cause of relapse.

The right way to deal with it is knowing to never be confident in one’s own ability to control one’s gambling. We should always think to ourselves that we are recovering, not recovered. We should always be on guard, never treating our addiction as a defeated enemy, but always as an active threat, and act accordingly: by keeping at least some (if not all) of our effective barriers in place. Remember: it only takes one relapse to lose all the money we saved up since we last gambled.

3.6 Unresolved issues in life that we use gambling to cope/escape from. All of us who turn to gambling as a way to cope with/escape from our unpleasant emotions know that gambling won’t resolve the underlying issue and that the only way to resolve it is by dealing with it head on. However, it’s often the case that we don’t know how to deal with the underlying issue, and as a result, it can be frightening to even think about it. As a result, we might turn to gambling to distract ourselves. If that’s the case, the real solution is to improve our state of knowledge. For example, try googling around and see what comes up. Or talk to someone in real life, such as a mental health provider. The goal is to

1. better understand what your underlying issue really is (sometimes, the underlying issue that’s causing our unpleasant emotions is a mental disorder that we weren’t aware we had, like Borderline Personality Disorder)
2. find out the most effective way to deal with the underlying issue.

Moreover, there are far better ways of coping than gambling. These can also be sought out and learned. One good place to start might be getting yourself a self-help workbook based on an evidence-based therapeutic approach called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). You’ll learn a set of skills that has been proven to be effective at enabling one to better cope with distressful situations and to better control one’s emotions.

Gambling, like many other harmful behaviors that we use to cope/escape (e.g., cutting, binge eating, etc.), at best provide temporary relief from our unpleasant emotions, but it comes at the cost of suffering even worse emotions going forward. Again, this is because gambling does not resolve the underlying issue that is causing our unpleasant emotions and adds more suffering. By contrast, improving the state of our knowledge empowers us to resolve our underlying issues and develop better coping strategies.

3.7 Feelings of boredom or emptiness/meaninglessness. Prior to our attempt at quitting gambling, we spent a lot of our waking time gambling and being in a state of excitement. Once we’re not gambling, all of a sudden there is a bunch of free time that we don’t know what to do with and it’s certainly not exciting. We are thus likely to feel bored as a withdrawal symptom. This typically leads to strong urges to gamble.

Gambling may alleviate the boredom or emptiness, but as already mentioned, it’ll only do so temporarily, and it comes at the cost of even more suffering later: the feeling-like-shit, the irritability, the stress, the self-hatred, the regret, the hopelessness — after losing our money. Even if we ignore these costs, gambling is still not the right way to deal with feelings of boredom or emptiness because, at best, gambling is a fleeting source of happiness, as opposed to a long-lasting source of happiness. What this means is that the boredom and emptiness will return as soon as the gambling stops: gambling can’t make you feel happy in the long-lasting ways doing other things can.

When you’re feeling bored or empty (or any other unpleasant feeling for that matter), the first thing to do is to try to keep in mind that these unpleasant feelings are temporary and will pass. For example, you might be feeling empty in the evening, which triggers an urge to gamble. But, suppose you don’t gamble and just go to sleep. By next morning, that feeling of emptiness may very well be gone. (An exception is psychiatric conditions, like clinical depression; see the end of this section)

The problem with unpleasant feelings is that when we’re caught in their grip, the unpleasant feeling casts a negative shadow not just on how our life is right now, but on the whole rest of our life. In other words, it tends to cast a far-reaching negative shadow. For example, when we’re feeling empty inside, the whole rest of our life feels meaningless, not just this particular moment of our life. This in turn may lead us to engage in harmful activities without any consideration for the long term future. By keeping in mind that our current unpleasant feelings will soon pass, we are in a better position to resist engaging in such harmful activities.

Secondly, when we’re feeling bored or empty, we should try to fill our time with activities that are long lasting sources of happiness, such as doing activities

a) that are engaging (i.e., that can keep your attention)
b) that you feel is important/valuable (e.g., for me, it’s spending my time and money on helping to prevent/reduce the intense suffering of others)
c) that you are good at (or can get good at), allowing you to make accomplishments and feel a sense of accomplishment.
d) that involve being with people who you like and who are a positive influence on you

The more of these aspects an activity checks off, the more likely it will be a long-lasting source of happiness for you. For example, volunteering to help one of my past professors improve a textbook he was working on, followed by returning to school for a masters degree, both really helped me move on from gambling. I found the work to be engaging and I really enjoyed the company of my professors and fellow classmates. (Note that checking off even one of the above aspects can make an activity a long-lasting source of happiness, e.g., hanging out with people who you like and who are a positive influence on you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI)

Now, below, I talk about five specific strategies that have all greatly improved my quality of life:

The first life-improvement strategy is altering my environment in such a way that the right/healthier choice becomes the easier one to make (or better: the only choice I have). As we already know from Section 1, willpower and motivation are not very reliable, so it’s smart to find ways to rely less on willpower and motivation. This is where shaping the environment comes in. For example, sleeping on time and limiting social media use during the daytime are challenging for many people, myself included. Solution: I bought a blocking software called Cold Turkey Blocker, which I’ve set to automatically shut down my computer at 10pm every night and limit my social media use during the day. Cold Turkey is great because it is a huge hassle to undo a block once you’ve locked it in. Similarly, I’ve been using the native blocking software on iPhone (Screen Time) to block distracting Apps and got my mother to set up the password so that I can’t undo it. This has made a huge difference in my quality of life. Now that’s smart! Notice that putting in place effective barriers against gambling is another example of altering the environment in such a way that makes the right choice (i.e., not gamble) easier.

Blocking (or, more generally, making less convenient) the wrong/harmful choice is one way of altering the environment to make the right/healthier choice the easier choice to make. But that’s only one side of the coin! Indeed, you can also alter the environment in ways that directly make the right/heathier choice more convenient, thereby also making it the easier choice to make. For example, I’ve been trying to gain weight, and weighing myself at the same time every morning is important to this goal. My family’s digital scale is normally on the first floor, which made weighing myself in the morning inconvenient and so I was inconsistent with weighing myself. Solution: I moved the scale into my washroom, which made it far more convenient (and thus easier) to weigh myself. Another example is that I filled my fridge with easy-to-make, high calorie foods, which means the right choice (eat a lot of calories each day) more convenient, and thus easier. In sum, when thinking of ways to alter the environment in such a that the right/healthier choice becomes the easier one to make, consider both levers.

The second life-improvement strategy that also reduces reliance on will power and motivation is “chaining” a healthy/desirable activity (e.g., walking) to an activity that you will inevitably do anyways (e.g., eating, coming home from work, etc.). This strategy works by considerably eliminating the choice point between the healthy activity (walking) and unhealthy activity (sitting instead), which in turn eliminates the need for willpower to make the right choice. You can create chains by committing to thoughts of the form, “Every time right after I do X, I will do Y”. E.g., “Every time right after I eat, I will go for a 20 minutes walk. And if the weather is terrible, I will do the walking indoors.” My morning chain is currently: wake up -> poop -> weigh myself -> get dressed -> cook breakfast -> wash face and brush teeth -> eat -> make work-out smoothie -> walk one circle around the neighborhood -> work out.

Relatedly, habits are extremely powerful precisely because they completely eliminate the choice point. When you do something out of habit, you don’t choose to do it: your brain just goes on auto-pilot and you just proceed to do it. No willpower necessary. However, good habits are difficult to develop. Chaining is a promising way to build good habits.

A third life-improvement strategy is forming specific/measurable short-term goals, instead of just general, long term goals. For example, compare this list of goals:

• Gain weight this year
• Gain 12kg this year
• Gain 0.25kg each week this year (which is 12kg for the year).

Clearly, the last goal is a much better goal than the first. Always try to translate longer term goals into specific/measurable short term goals. Once you have a specific short term goal, it’s also important to create a list of specific actions you need to do each day to help you accomplish your short term goal. After all, having a goal is not enough to get you there: you need to lay out a clear path to it. So, for example, here’s a list of specific actions I’ve created to help me reach my short term goal:

• Check my weigh every morning after waking up to see how I am doing
• Eat 5 hashbrowns during breakfast on top of what I normally eat
• Make myself a protein smoothie in the morning and drink it over the course of the day.

The fourth life-improvement strategy is making yourself accountable or responsible to someone, especially someone who you hold in high regards and wish to impress or please (notice that this is actually a case of altering the environment!). Along the same lines, look for an exercise partner or self-improvement partner. Try to associate yourself with people who are a positive influence on you.

Finally, the fifth life-improvement strategy is to immediately turn to google whenever I didn’t know the answer to something, from how to pick a watermelon, to how to gain weight at a healthy pace, to how to keep grass looking healthy, to recommended pillows, etc. Whenever I don’t know something, I instinctively turn to google to take advantage of the expertise of others (instead of assuming I know what the correct answer is). This has saved me from doing many unproductive things and enabled me to discover the best solution to my problems.

For more career and life-improvement advice, I recommend reading these two posts by the non-profit 80000hours: https://80000hours.org/career-guide/job-satisfaction/ and https://80000hours.org/career-guide/how-to-be-successful/. Anyone on the internet can give advice, but the advice from 80000hours is based on a careful review of the latest academic research.

I also recommend reading books related to “positive psychology” (i.e., the science of happiness), such as Mindset by Carol Dweck.

That said, it’s important to bear in mind that prolonged lack of excitement and/or fulfillment may by due to a mental disorder like depression. If you think this applies to you, please speak to a doctor or therapist. If you can’t afford to, try googling about your symptoms and effective ways to treat them. For example, you might come across recommended self-help therapeutic books, which you can then check your local library for a free copy to borrow. An example of such a book is Feeling Good by David Burns.

3.8 Not knowing what our personal triggers are, or knowing what they are but not proactively protecting ourselves against them. For all of us, there are specific situations that trigger in us an urge to gamble. These triggering situations (“triggers”) may vary somewhat from person to person, and each person likely has multiple triggers. We’ve already come across some specific triggers, such as thoughts about our past losses, boredom, etc. Indeed, the concept of a trigger is very general concept and encompasses even those issues that we use gambling to escape from that I spoke about earlier. Due to its generality, it’s not surprising that much of what we discussed so far also falls under this concept. But there are other triggers not covered by what we discussed so far.

Some other typical triggers include free-play/bonuses/rack backs, payday, desiring something but not having enough money to buy it, an unexpected or unlucky expense (e.g., a flat tire), exposure to certain sights or images (e.g., the sight of a casino as you drive down a highway, or a gambling advertisement on TV, in the subway, in your email inbox, etc.), and exposure to certain people (e.g., gambling friends). There are many different triggers. The important thing is knowing what your triggers are and actively protecting yourself from them. For example, if interacting with a certain person leads to urges, think of how you could avoid them. If seeing your earnings arrive in your bank account causes urges, think about sending your earnings elsewhere so you don’t have to see it.

3.9 Not noticing when our sick brain is trying to convince us to gamble again. Sometimes, when we have an urge to gamble, a little voice in our head tries to convince us to give into the urge: it tries to provide a reason — a justification — for gambling. This often happens when we’ve just been triggered. For example, suppose you got a parking ticket for parking for a little too long. Events like this can often trigger in us an urge to gamble, and the little voice might say something like “I literally went over the time limit by just a few minutes. I shouldn’t have received this ticket. I’m going to gamble just to win enough to pay for this ticket.”

We need to try to notice this little voice, so that it doesn’t trick us back into gambling, which will only make our situation even worse. To help yourself better notice this little voice, consider giving it a name. When you hear the little voice, consider replying to it with something like, “[Name], I see you’re trying to lure me back into gambling, but I’m not falling for it this time. As a problem gambler, I know that there is never a good reason to gamble and every reason to stay away from gambling. Nice try.”

There are three types of thoughts/scenarios to be especially careful of:

1. Be especially careful not to fall for those thoughts that are disguised in “nice intentions”, like telling yourself you need to gamble to have money to buy birthday or holiday presents for loved ones. The truth is, if you gamble, you’ll just have even less money to buy anyone a present.
2. Be especially careful of offers of “free bets” (or other bonuses/rake backs), where your brain might say to you, “You can gamble it since it’s not your money anyways.” The problem is that any amount of gambling (even a free bet) often results in later strong urges to gamble (especially if the free bet leads to a temporary good run). Unsurprisingly, many problem gamblers relapse hard due to free bets.
3. As your life improves, be especially careful of the seemingly innocent thought that “I am only here to gamble for fun; I’m okay with losing this amount of money.” or “I am only gambling a small amount; I’ll be fine.” The correct response to this thought is, “But, I’m a problem gambler, which means that I lack the control to gamble responsibly and gambling just for fun requires this control that I lack. If I gamble, what I intended to be “gambling for fun” or “gambling just a small amount” will quickly turn into strong urges to gamble more, out-of-control gambling, and losing everything I worked so hard to rebuild since I last gambled. I know I am a problem gambler and so I must always stay away from gambling if I want to live a good life. That means ZERO gambling. Not even one cent.” Another example of a seemingly innocent thought is, “I want to test how much control I have now after not gambling for awhile.”
4. As your life improves, be especially careful of sophisticated thoughts like, “Now that I know what the common causes of relapse are, I can safely gamble because I won’t fall for them and spiral out of control.” In fact, if you had that thought and then proceeded to gamble, you would have fallen for the common cause of relapse we are discussing in this section.

In sum, it’s not just that gambling is never the solution to any of our existing problems, it’s that there is never a good reason or excuse to gamble period, and every reason not to gamble. Even if you have no problems left and an abundance of savings and really just want to gamble for fun, that is not okay. Why? Because you’re a problem gambler, which means that gambling affects your brain in a way that will quickly lead you back into tormenting urges and losing everything again. Therefore, any thought that encourages gambling is a scam, no matter how well you’re doing.

3.10 Believing that gambling makes us happy (even if just briefly). There is no question that gambling was enjoyable when we first tried it out. Otherwise, we would not have continued to gamble. But, once we’ve become addicted, many of us don’t even find the act of gambling itself all that enjoyable anymore. Indeed, just because we continue to have an urge/desire/want to gamble, that does not mean that the fulfillment of that desire will actually lead to enjoyment. We can desire to do things that aren’t enjoyable (in fact quite unenjoyable!) as is often the case in an addiction. Thus, it’s very important that we clearly distinguish desiring something from enjoying it, and not automatically infer from the former to the latter.

At the height of my addiction, gambling just helped to alleviate my unpleasant withdrawal symptoms (e.g., the urge to gamble, the boredom, etc). But that was about it. I mostly felt numb or anxious while I gambled. Winning a bet didn’t bring the sort of joy it used to. Betting big made me anxious as opposed to excited since it was money I couldn’t afford to lose. In short, when I really stopped to reflect on how I was feeling when I was gambling, I noticed that I derived almost no pleasant feelings of any kind from it. In fact, I noticed I was feeling quite a few unpleasant feelings: anxiety and disappointment in myself for wasting my time and money on gambling, instead of doing more with my life.

Moreover, as mentioned in earlier sections, the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms are only alleviated temporarily by gambling. And, what’s worse, by gambling more, we will just make the withdrawal symptoms stronger in the future, keeping us trapped in the addiction.

Besides the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, let’s also not forget the other kinds of enormous suffering that gambling constantly brings to our lives: the self-hatred, the shame, the regret, the irritability (snapping at our loved ones for no reason), the mental and physical exhaustion. Even if you still believe that gambling makes you happy while you’re doing it, it’s clearly not worth the enormous suffering it causes.

Once we realize that gambling itself doesn’t bring us any joy and just makes us more and more miserable, we realize that we have everything to gain and nothing to lose by giving it up. This realization should make it easier for us to part ways with gambling and put in place the necessary effective barriers.

3.11 Not learning from past relapses (or forgetting the learnings). Relatedly, doing the same thing yet expecting a different result.

Unlike the other causes of relapse I discussed thus far, this 12th cause is a higher-order cause: it is the cause that makes one vulnerable to the other causes.

The wisdom found in this guide did not magically pop into my head. It came from reflecting on my past relapses and extracting important lessons from them. It also came from learning from the experiences of many other problem gamblers and, more generally, from seeking out relevant knowledge (mathematical, psychological, etc.). I am where I am today (as opposed to still relapsing over and over again) mainly because I chose to learn and had the willingness to incorporate those learnings into my life.

Over time, forgetting some of our learnings is natural. There are many ways to lessen this effect. First, aim for true understanding over memorization. We tend not to forget the things that we really grasp. Second, repeat our learnings to ourselves and to others through journal entries and through online forums like reddit.com/r/problemgambling. Third, revisit our learnings. For example, if you found this guide helpful, bookmark it so that you can revisit it regularly. Similarly, you can write down your own learnings in a word doc, print it out and read parts of it to yourself every morning, or once a week, etc. For example, one such learning might read:

“1. Not every day is going to be a good day. There will be days when I’m in a bad mood, or feel bored or empty or depressed. Maybe today will be one such day.

On such days, I might feel an urge to gamble, but I must not act on that urge. Because bad days will go away. I just need to accept them as a normal part of life and have a little patience. Gambling will not let the bad days go away. It will keep the bad days going on and on and on.

If I’m feeling bad today, but I don’t gamble and just go to sleep, then I give myself the opportunity to feel better when I wake up the next morning. But if I feel bad today and I gamble, then I have guaranteed for myself many more bad days ahead. I don’t want that for myself. So I will not gamble on such days.”

Doing the same thing, yet expecting a different outcome makes no sense. If what you have been doing so far has only resulted in relapses, then you have to do something differently if you want to see a different outcome the next time (e.g., no further relapses). Otherwise, there is no reason to expect a different outcome, regardless of how much you might hope for one. If you want to see a different outcome, you must do the things that you have good reason to believe will make a difference, such as putting in place effective barriers and gaining (and acting on) important insights.

Bottom line: if you want to succeed, you need to learn — from your past relapses, from the experience of others, and just in general. For example, if you are addicted to slots, learn about how slots work and how they are programmed to keep you hooked (e.g., near miss effect, congratulatory sounds even for losses, making it seem like your probability of winning is better than it actually is, etc.). But all that learning is useless if you don’t have the willingness to incorporate those learnings into your life, so you need to do that as well. For example, after learning that relying solely on willpower simply does not work, I put in place several effective barriers, some of which (e.g., Screen Time for iPhone) requiring a substantial sacrifice in freedom. Indeed, I still my barriers in place, despite all my progress and despite having had opportunities to remove them. This is due to my insight from Section 3.6. Unsurprisingly, I can tell you that it’s been totally worth it: I’m happier, healthier, and feel far more fulfilled now than ever before.

Section 4: Can a problem gambler keep some gambling in their life?

Many problem gamblers hope that they can keep some gambling in their life. To have this hope is very understandable since gambling was fun before it turned into a disaster. Moreover, after gambling for a long time, one may develop an emotional attachment to the activity: it might be one of the few activities that make us feel at home. As a result, it might be hard to imagine life completely without it.

Consequently, many of us will try to keep some gambling in our lives. At first, we are optimistic that we can because we’ll come up with a plan on how to gamble responsibly. This plan might include setting aside a certain portion of our annual income to gambling, using deposit limits, always gambling with someone else around, and other rules we set for ourselves. In short, we think it can be done as long as we go about it in a smart way.

Unfortunately, the hard truth is that all such attempts always end in loss of control. And the reason is simple: when we gamble, we feed the urge, and when the urge gets strong, we slowly start to make exceptions for ourselves. Maybe we’re having a bad day for no fault of our own, so “we deserve to gamble a bit more today”, or maybe we did something great, so “we deserve to gamble a bit more as a reward”. Etc. Etc. The brain will come up with the most amazing reasons to make an exception to our rules. Ultimately, what ends up happening is we ignore our rules and gamble everything away. So, the answer to the main question is No. A problem gambler cannot keep any gambling in their life, not even a bit. Once we do even a bit of gambling, we will soon find ourselves back to full loss of control. Thus, as problem gamblers, we must accept that gambling cannot have any part in our lives, that gambling cannot be a source of fun and excitement for us.

The bottom line is: we don’t need gambling in our life to live happily. If we hope to live happily, gambling is precisely what we need to get rid of from our life.

Section 5: Will the urges go away? Will I be able to come to terms with my past losses? Will my negative feelings like regret and guilt go away?

When I first started out on my recovery journey, I constantly had intense urges to gamble and I kept thinking about my losses. These urges and thoughts were tormenting, making it difficult to fall asleep and making me feel a lot of negative emotions, like self-hatred, regret and frankly wanting to disappear from this world. One thing that I really wanted to know at the time is whether these urges and thoughts would ever go away or if I had to live the rest of my life like this. So, I went on online to search for answers. Some posts were positive while others were negative. The negative ones told me that the urges will always be there, perhaps less frequent and less intense, but it’ll always be a nuisance in my life. The positive ones told me that the urges will all but completely disappear, and on the rare occasions it does appear, it will be very weak and short-lived. In short, the urges won’t be a nuisance at all. After being over two years of gamble-free, I am happy to report that the positive story can happen, as it did happen to me. I hardly ever feel urges anymore, and when I do, they are very very weak and short-lived. I’m also happy to report that I have been able to come to terms with my past losses. It no longer occupies my mind at all, and when I do choose to think back to it, I am at peace. Finally, the self-hatred, guilt and regret is also gone too in the sense that I don’t feel these emotions on a typical day. In fact, even when I purposely think back to the years where gambling wreaked havoc on my life and health, I am able to think about those years entirely free of feeling those negative emotions. I don’t remember exactly when things got this good, but it definitely took many months.

But it’s important to know that how things go for you depends on how you spend your time in the months after you’ve stopped gambling. For example, if you spend your time on rebuilding your life, as I did, then I think you’ll eventually feel just as good as I do now. Rebuilding your life involves things like:

a) Prioritizing self-care: getting adequate nutrition, sunlight, exercise and sleep, and addressing existing physical and mental health issues

b) Replacing gambling with activities that are long-lasting sources of happiness (see Section 3.7).

c) Trying to keep things in perspective. For example:

• realizing that everyone makes costly mistakes in life — that this is a normal part of life. For example, some people delay seeing their doctor and let their illness get much worse. Some people marry the wrong person, ignoring all the red flags. Some people get scammed. Some people give in to family or societal pressure instead of living in accordance with their own values. Some people don’t take their education as seriously as they should. Some people fail to address their gambling addiction with the urgency it demands. The list goes on. Whenever we make a costly mistake, we should reflect on what happened so as to identify the important lessons to be learned. Doing so will help prevent a repeat of the same mistake. Then we should do our best to move on with our life. As with most costly mistakes, a worthwhile life is still within reach.
• realizing that there are many things beyond our control and that many people are simply unlucky. Some develop cancer despite living a healthy life. Some are born to incompetent parents. Some are seriously harmed by others due to no fault of their own. Some hit a big win and get addicted. We do not always get a say in what happens to us, but there are better and worse ways we can respond, and how our life goes in the long run often depends primarily on how we choose to respond.
• realizing that what’s important for living a happy life are not things like being wealthy, but things like good health and the things I spoke of in Section 3.7. Indeed, there are many people who live with chronic poor health who would trade any amount of money to have their health again. If you still have your health, you should know that you have something far more valuable than any amount of money. Again, for the limited relationship between happiness and wealth, see https://80000hours.org/articles/money-and-happiness/
• realizing that hindsight is 20/20, and so it can be really unfair to yourself to judge the quality of your past actions from the perspective of hindsight. It also leads to unnecessary regret. Thinking about the past cannot change the past, but thinking about the present and future can help you make the most of them. Reflecting on the past is beneficial when you do it to extract important lessons. But once you’ve extracted those lessons, your focus should be on your present and future.

d) Making a living through honest work.

By contrast, if you spend your time poorly (e.g., playing video games or surfing the internet all day), there is little reason to think that you will feel much better over time. Even if the mere passage of time has a healing effect (which it might, in part due to what’s called the “fading affect bias”, according to which unpleasant emotions tend to fade more quickly than pleasant emotions), that healing effect is likely to be quite limited if that time is used poorly.

Just to be clear: I’m not saying that you need to be super productive immediately after you’ve stopped gambling. Give yourself the downtime you need to gather your focus, doing whatever might help, such as sleeping, going for a walk in nature, tidying up your room/house, chatting with friends, etc. Don’t try to rush your recovery. For example, you don’t need to look for (another) job right away to try to pay down your gambling debt. You also shouldn’t set too many goals at once. Slow and steady is what leads to real, lasting progress. In short, challenge yourself, but do it in a sustainable way by not over-doing it.

In conclusion, then, the positive story is possible, but whether it happens for you depends on how you spend your time after having stopped gambling. Finally, as I pointed out in an earlier section, no matter how great you eventually feel, always remember that addictions never truly die. Our gambling addiction will be a threat to us for the rest of our lives. So, don’t get confident and let your guard down. Keep at least some of your effective barriers in place. With patience, hard work and vigilance, the future is bright.

Here’s to your recovery!

P.S. Besides my approach, other approaches worth considering include:

1. Getting professional help, such as seeing a psychiatrist and/or psychotherapist and/or going to an addiction rehabilitation center. A psychiatrist is a doctor who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders, such as schizophrenia, bi-polar, etc. If, after assessing you, your psychiatrist formally diagnoses you with a Gambling Disorder, they may refer you to see a psychotherapist (aka therapist, counsellor) or to an addiction rehabilitation center. Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily need to get a formal diagnosis to see a therapist or enter a rehab center. If you seek out a therapist or rehab center on your own, look for those who are trained in gambling addiction treatment.
2. Attending your local GA meetings. GA (Gambler’s Anonymous) is a non-profit organization that has local chapters in many cities. Local chapters host regular group meetings, where you will be introduced to their 12-step program and benefit from conversing with other problem gamblers.
3. Reading Allen Carr’s book, “The Easy Way to Stop Gambling: Take Control of Your Life”. Allen Carr’s life story is quite fascinating (google him!).

While I haven’t tried any of these other approaches myself, I do know that there are problem gamblers who have benefited from them. So, I encourage you to keep them in mind.