Mt. Hermon on the morning on Friday, December 2, 2016. Miki Inbar, Mt. Hermon

Israel declares flood as act of terrorism

(Author’s name withheld for fear of being arrested by Israeli Police for writing satire)

FIRST the real news as reported by the Israeli press:
Rain, Snow batters Israel in first major storm of the season.
Mount Hermon closed to visitors as storm continues into its second day.”
“Rain and snow pour down on Israel ahead of stormy weekend. Rain and thunderstorms were forecast from the north to the coastal plain with a chance of flooding. The wet weather comes in stark contrast to the dryness that led to the wildfires that destroyed homes across the country.”

NOW the real real news that we are predicating for next week:

PM Benjamin Netanyahu, his ministers and most of the Israeli media would declare it as ‘Snow Intifada” or “Flood Terrorism”, similarly to when they declared last week’s blaze as “Arson Intifada” and “Fire Terrorism.”

According to recent +972 Magazine article, “The police has yet to declare a single wildfire an act of terrorism, the commissioner says arson is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and many cases of suspected terrorism turned out to be nothing more than negligence.

Miri Regev, Israeli “Culture” Minister said last week that the “wildfires tearing through are simply a continuation of massacres and pogroms against Jews in the 20th century.” It’s expected that the learned Regev will equate the coming flood — or rather “deluge” as she would call it — as “continuation of the Holocaust and another proof that it was the Mufti after all.”

Education Minister Naftali Bennett who stated last week: “Only he who the country doesn’t belong to him is capable of burning it.” Next week, we expect him to say that “only he who can’t swim is capable of flooding the country.”

Bezalel Smotrich, Knesset member from the Bayit Hayehudi party, who this week advocated for a second Nakba, (i.e. expelling the rest of those Palestinians that dared to stay in their homes after the first Nakba of 1948.) Next week it’s likely that he would be presenting a bill to the Knesset titled “The Nakba Final Solution.”

The flooding may hit other Palestinian cities and towns, and may even extend to the neighbouring countries. But just as last week’s fires were used to incite against Palestinians, the coming flood is likely to grant Israeli ministers carte blanche to incite against the Palestinian population — and in the process abuse Jewish history.

We are yet to see if the coming flood is “the hair that broke the camel’s back”. Bibi is most likely prepared with a ready-made slogan that goes with a pre-recorded youtube video that would set the record straight and show the world how evil Palestinians are by causing a deluge that is the continuation of the Noah’s Flood.

Bibi’s motto will officially be confirmed next week: “When in Doubt…Blame a Palestinian!”

After all, it’s the Holy Land and Palestinians have a direct phone line to God that they would ask for wildfires and floods, just like you would order a pizza anywhere else in the world.

PS: We advice Palestinians not to post satirical FB status in Arabic. Israeli Police has no sense of humour and they rely on Bing rather than Google for translation — as if Google ever gets it right!!. They are likely to arrest you as they did last week to a Palestinian Bedouin journalist.