RISING THROUGH THE DESERT SKIES
MY STORY OF DE-ADDICTION(AN INDIAN NARRATIVE)
The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune’s respite; revive from ashes and rise’- Miguel de Cervantes

The phoenix is a unique mythical bird. Waltzing through the highs and lows of its existence, it possesses a majestic ability to return to life even after being consumed in a pyre of its own creation. Likening my life’s journey to this avian extraordinaire, I share with pride, the story of my beaming crests and the battle of my cavernous lows. It is true for me to say that the days of my life have witnessed me lain on bare ground feeling like I have been reduced to nothing; to using that void and turning it around with courage and basking in the rays of the rising sun once again. The ride has been a tumultuous one, yet it has proven to be the voyage of a lifetime. The experience of once being an addict myself and having conquered the realm of dependence has given me tremendous hope along with a healthy jurisdiction of mind to reach out to my fellows who stand in a similar situation and crave for a mental curvature that would help them denounce this deadly habit of alcohol addiction. I wish to assist those who seek help and are looking for that transformative trick that will help them denounce the deadly clutches of dependence and substance abuse.
Today after two years of sobriety I stand tall and maintain my metamorphosized stature of being loved and accepted by my social order and more so by those who matter the most to me; my children.
THE START OF AN ALCOHOLIC INDISCRETION

I started to venture into casual drinking around the age of 18. The winding course of my existence along with the hardships I had to endure catapulted me to full-fledged alcoholism by the time I hit 45. At 44, cancer took away my husband; a true soul mate, a lover, my friend, and my confidant. The denial of losing him was so acute that before I could gather semblance of the change in my present, I was already tangled in a web of confusion, bewilderment, and loneliness. My scholarly, suma cum laude teenyboppers also navigated abroad for further studies even though in a major way, it had been my decision to seal their future. I wanted to see them blossom despite my agony.
Now my house registered merely a single soul as its rightful occupant; me. It was at this point that the bottle ravaged my being. The stronghold of a glass of drink sitting beside me felt so potent, that its volatile nature struck me through and through; personally, and professionally. Despite the effects of the toxins and the after play of numerous hangovers, my remedy each time was the same for any consequence; be it a sense of isolation, nervousness, or a feeling of absolute overwhelm.
The easiest way to drown your problems is to run away from them, right? Not quite. That’s where the mind plays tricks. Instead of facing the issues that had been plaguing my life and my self- esteem, I chose to shed my obligatory inhibitions and instead walked around staring at the beautiful colors that swirled in my crystal glass. I was hooked.
Even in my desperate saunter, I somehow managed to scrape through my work during the day albeit volunteering to churn excuses by evening. I needed to deal my own cards and mask my intuitive desire to drink by that time. Twilight was not literally dusk for me, or a plan to retire into the comfort of my sheets ,rather it was an open gateway to the beginning of my mind’s day where each moment I looked forward to cherish the lip-smacking pungent flavors, only to submerge them in a sea of overflowing emotions.
Innately, I see myself as a very determined woman and I did give it my best shot to subdue my heightened proclivities toward alcoholism. In fact, I went as far as a month of no drinking at one point, after which I felt like I had stumbled upon an achievement. However, we all know, that a month cannot be termed as being free of the habit itself. Perhaps it was a testing period of my initial will power, or maybe my own starting point, so even though I did succumb to my vice post that period again, that very first sabbatical gave me the realization that I needed someone or even something to give me a push to amass my determination.

NEVER SAY NEVER
I had been practicing meditation for many years and it has always had a warm, balmy effect on the fear center of my brain. The practice induced clarity of thought and revived varied dimensions on my ever-sagging psyche; one of the prime reasons I bamboozled others and even myself to believe that ‘All was Okay’. Day in and day out I desperately wished to turn the tide of my existence and break the waves of my turbulent life. And it was right here that mystically my own son, who’s always healing and introducing me to soul soothing gestures; encouraged me to take up Nichiren Buddhism.

Nichiren Buddhism was not a religion. On the contrary, it was a contemporary practice connected with our Karmic journey in the present life, as it essentially relied on the cosmic doctrine of cause and effect. I used it as my second foothold (the first being meditation) to carefully start filtering out the negative thoughts that were leading me to my built-up dependency. I worked on creating a fresh point of view within my own healing process. I managed to reach out to others, connected with them, shared their pain, all the while helping myself along with those around me.
Guess what was the by-product of such an activity? A newfound alcoholic sobriety.

I did not only limit myself to the above undertakings. In addition to everything, I also enrolled myself in a wonderfully sublime wellness and rehabilitation center. The awe- inspiring luxurious place is situated in the lush foothills of my city. What struck me most about this setting was the atmosphere and the comprehensive guidance that I received to reach my goal within its customized modules. The center was not like an enclosure meant to manage substance abusers, rather a place to heal, adapt, improvise, and overcome. Numerous activities pertaining to informal approaches along with liberal outlets were set before me to express all those emotions from experiences that had been buried deep inside me. The establishment served as the perfect avenue to pursue hidden talents. I was amazed at how progressively I took to some of the unconventional methods of healing such as meditation, writing down my experiences, sharing emotional platforms with colleagues, and watching therapeutic videos. Incidentally, I also happened to rediscover my passion for music with my singing at their karaoke sessions.
As the years rolled, I increased my hours of meditation, continued to chant as part of Buddhist practice, devoted more qualitative time to heal the bruises of my fellow comrades, while spending an equal amount of time receiving guidance and practicing ways of self-control.
Today, I go back quite often to meditate with my friends at the venue despite ending my program there. I converse, communicate, and impart all the wisdom that I have received through my journey with a steadfast resolution to support them on their road to recovery. All these activities unknowingly have spared me with lesser and lesser time for my addictive tendencies and instead suffused me with confidence, self- esteem, and a higher sense of purpose. I can proudly state that I have achieved my goal and am soaring high on sobriety. I have finally risen from the ashes. Just like a phoenix.
In life I stand by two simple words, that, I believe, define every cosmic entity including you and me. अहं ब्रह्मास्मि. The creator and his creation are one. Everything around us is absolute. You know you can do this because you yourself are divine. Until my next post (which shall elaborate on the psyche of excessive alcoholism and co- dependency), remember this universal truth.
‘You are your own God.’
-The Phoenix(Chapter 1)
*For any Queries pertaining to personal guidance and rehabilitation of self or your loved ones ,you can reach me as your friend at thephoenixrises.61@gmail.com
All enquiries/identities shall strictly be kept confidential. I reside close to Mumbai (India) and would love to guide and partake in your victories.
