MIDNIGHT WARFARE WITH THE MIND

ENTRY #1

It’s almost 3 am. My brain is running off to thoughts far out again. Thoughts I shouldn’t come across with right now, thoughts I don’t want and need at this time. I want to stop thinking, and I want to sleep. But I can’t. Am I an insomniac? It doesn’t seem that way. Do insomniacs feel tired and sad during their sleepless hours? Do they feel useless and vague and destroyed?

Well, I do hope this thing right here turns out to be just an insomniac episode after all. I can’t afford for it to be something else, something worse.

I don’t have time to be depressed.

No, I know I’m not depressed. I’ve seen the horrors of depression, and what I feel now doesn’t seem to match that of last year’s. I am able to laugh, to smile, to sing and to fight, but most importantly, I can sleep. But tonight just isn’t like most. My corpse has been against this bed for almost four hours now, but slumber has yet to visit me. Maybe they won’t at all.

Maybe I wouldn’t be able to taste the sweet warmth of waking up, again failing to convince the night to let me go.

Oh divine goddess of sleep, why have you forgotten to grace me yet again?